There are a lot of things you shouldn’t say to new moms. Things like “Have you lost that baby weight yet?” or “My cousin’s baby slept through the night at 3 weeks!” Unsolicited, passive aggressive advice is not welcome either. Things like, “I think sleeping with your baby is crazy, but that’s just me…” or “Doesn’t formula cause AIDS?”
Not cool. Not cool at all.
Of course there are times to give advice, times when moms need a little help or a gentle nudge in the right direction. Mostly it’s a matter of timing, only offering your two cents when your two cents is needed. If you are having trouble knowing when this time is, listen for the following words: “I need your advice.” It’s that simple.
Here are the top ten best pieces of parenting advice I’ve ever received, all given to me in a kind and gentle manner. All with perfect timing and the wisdom of moms who care.
Thank you, moms. You know who you are.
1) Never say never.
What I heard —> Never say you won’t do something. Life is full of surprises.
Here are some things I said I’d never do: Sleep with my child (check), feed my child formula (check), give my newborn a pacifier (check), buy baby food (check).
Save yourself the embarrassment.
2) Praise them when they poop.
What I heard —> Praise your baby from newborn to toddler every time they poop and it will make potty training much easier.
Can you believe it? I thought it was weird too, but so far we’ve obliged with great gusto. Every time Waylon makes a twosie, we sound the trumpets and act like he’s brought us the holy grail.
3) Treat them how you’d like to be treated.
What I heard —> The golden rule isn’t just for adults.
It’s hard to treat a child with respect who is ignoring all your demands and throwing your toothbrush in the toilet. Really, really hard. But when I heard this common mantra applied to parenthood, it helped shift my perspective into a more positive light. In our darkest hours I try to think: What if I was shorter than everyone else in my house, constantly tripping, unable to speak, and not allowed in the bathroom? How would I feel?
4) Stroke the cheek to fall asleep.
What I heard —> When you’re rocking your baby to sleep, stroke their cheek lightly to help their eyes close.
Simple and practical parenting tips are my jam.
5) Don’t Get Braggy. Things Will Change.
What I heard —> Babies habits change quickly, don’t get used to any stage.
The first time Waylon slept through the night. I was so excited, so proud, so FULL OF MYSELF that I immediately texted all my friends and family and posted on facebook that lo and behold, my child had slept through the night!
He hasn’t done it since.
6) It will get better.
What I heard —> I know it’s hard now, but it will absolutely get better.
There is no other piece of advice that is more true and more repeated in the world of parenting. Newborn screaming? It will get better. Post-partum pooping? It will get better! Baby teething? It will get better.
7) Acknowledge feelings.
What I heard —> You don’t have to pick up your baby every time he cries, you don’t have to give your toddler a cookie every time he asks for one, but you can acknowledge how they feel.
On constant repeat at our house:
“You’re tired! You want to be picked up!”
“You are sad because you wanted to put your hands in my cup!”
“You are frustrated because I’m not playing with you.”
It works.
8) You are the mom.
What I heard —> You are in charge of your kid; not your mom, not your neighbor, not your frenemy from church. You know what’s best because you are the mom.
Self doubt is a part of being a parent, but it’s true what they say–mama knows best. Trust your gut.
9) Cuddle more.
What I heard —> Babies crave close contact, some more than others.
I will never forget this day: I was sitting on a big, open porch with a lot of women, holding my colicky 3 month old, and complaining. I said, in my most negative of voices, “He cries all day! He always wants to be picked up! This baby is ridiculous!”
And then she, a very wise and gentle mother, said in her most gentle of voices, “Maybe he just wants to be close to you. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Life changed.
10) Children are not a problem to be solved.
What I heard —> Children are not a problem to be solved but a person to be enjoyed.
Parents are problem solvers, so it’s hard when your perfect baby comes with a list of problems that need to be solved (sleeping, eating, playing nicely, attention span). Every day I struggle with remembering that I’ve had 27 years to develop and he’s only had one. Realistic expectations: may you bless this house.
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What’s the best parenting advice you’ve ever received? I’m all ears.
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Similar on Motley Mama
Top Ten Things No One Told Me About Having A Newborn
Top Ten Things Not To Say To New Moms
“You are sad because you wanted to put your hands in my cup!”!!! LOVE. also heard a my home “You are sad because you wanted to eat my phone!”
Such good advice. You’ve got some wise women surrounding you. I’m bookmarking this…
Also- I believe I will be borrowing “twosies” from now on. Thanks for that.
Ha – same!
Yes! Thank you Scrubs.
You’re such a good mom :)
I just have good advice. The hard work is following it. Not patient by default.
This is an excellent list, and applicable not just to the baby/toddler years. I died when I read post-partum pooping. Thank GOODNESS that gets better! Although I guess I can only hope my 2-year old is as cuddly at 13 as she is now.
My best advice came from my mom, just before my daughter was born. She said “Being a parent is not hard, it’s CONSTANT.” And it’s so true. I remind myself that when I think “I just want a few minutes to myself!” But free time on a whim is not what I signed up for, and that’s OK, because the trade-off is worth it.
Parenting is not hard, it’s constant.
Logging that away for later. Very true.
Gosh your Mom’s advice is so so true. Good stuff.
Gave me chills.
Great list! I think the one that sticks most in my mind is do not compare. Every baby is different. Every family is different. What works for one may not work for another. I think you were kind of saying the same thing with “Don’t get braggy”.
Yes. I love that one: don’t compare. It will drive you crazy! (It drives me crazy)
I love this… so much good advice! I agree with every single one… one of my best pieces of advice was from my older sister, mom to 4 kids… she said, “Every single thing is just a stage.The worst part about this current stage and the best part about it will both be gone in the next stage.” It was a good wake up call for me to just enjoy each part because it all changes so fast.
I wanted to yell AMEN about the “You are the mom!” bit… I get tired of all the judging and asking “is he doing this yet?” I come home from some event, thinking my child is delayed or something, wanting to google “should my one and a half year old be speaking full sentences?” because of everybody asking “Does he talk yet?” He says all sort of words but no full sentences, thank you very much! ;) I think as moms we need to have a ton of grace with each other because this is a hard job and we are all doing very best!
Love what your older sister said!
That is some excellent advice. Every little bit of it. The best piece of advice I got was this: the only thing normal about babies is that nothing is normal. Basically, eff what everyone says about what your kid should be doing, and go with your gut. As long as your being intuitive with your baby, you know what’s best.
So so true!!
Agreed!
AAAAAMEN.
I don’t have kids yet, but have done a lot of babysitting and this is awesome advice. I love #3!
I really enjoy your blog! you sound like you are a really great mom and you have really great moms around you. This is a wonderful list and I love the added commentary/examples.
Thanks Kristen!
Love this.
Formula will give you AIDS. Had to laugh at that one.
I am sharing this post on my blog and pinning it- it’s that good. #3, genius (!!) who knew? And I have to remind myself of #8 all.the.time. I’m always worried about what other people think.
You are the mom!
Wow, I so needed this today. My baby girl just started teething, and it’s been a rough week with the crying, separation anxiety and refusal to sleep. I totally needed to read this today! Good reminders. Gave me some hope! Thanks!
Teething is tough. Thinking of you!
LOVE this…thanks for the reminders!
I have lived by the golden rule with Westley. It is so helpful.
This is great list!!
Best advice I ever got was when a baby is in the throws of a tantrum, change the scenery. It diverts them away (at least for a bit) from what is/was causing the tears.
Great list, thanks for sharing!
Great idea!
With a 24mo. old and a 1 week old I keep reminding myself of advice that I once heard – when (if) you have a second child, that doesn’t mean that your first should just be expected to “grow up” because they are the big sibling. It’s ok to have 2 cribs or 2 in diapers or whatever the case may be. And don’t just expect them to take on a role as a “big helper.” There may be times when they are pleased with themselves to bring you the burp cloth, but it shouldn’t be expected that they should always do those things just because they aren’t “the baby” anymore. An older sibling doesn’t get older or more mature overnight just because you have had another baby. Be extra patient with them & allow them to be the little one that they were before baby arrived! :)
I will have to remember that. Makes sense. A lot of sense.
I just happened to stumble across you blog and I LOVE IT! You are hysterical! I really needed to read this post. I have a 3-month old son and #9 on your list is something I totally needed to hear. My life too has now changed. Thank you.
Hello! Welcome.
3 months…that was a rough time for us. It gets better!
#5. YES. Just yes. My husband has banned me from ever speaking of good things happening like sleeping through the night, trying new foods, and days when they are perfect angels because once you say it out loud… they hear you and immediately eff it up. And then plan how they can up the ante.
It’s scary how true this is.
I completely agree with each and every point you’ve made – numbers 3 and 10 made a bell go off in my head. Number 8 is the one I tell myself over and over, every day. And number 7 – can we change that to “Mummy’s mad because you bit her nipple for the hundredth time and then smiled to yourself about it??”
Love your blog x
And I just read your two linked posts:
Top Ten Things No One Told Me About Having A Newborn
Top Ten Things Not To Say To New Moms
Holy hell do I wish I’d known about your blog when I was pregnant last year.
The best advice I ever got was “Do what works”, meaning if the only thing you can keep down in the 1st trimester is pizza, then eat the damn pizza, it’s better than nothing. If letting your baby sleep in their car seat because that’s the ONLY place they’ll sleep every night for a week so you can get an hour of sleep and not end up on the news for crashing into a building {maybe on purpose} then do it. People will always judge you, there will always be some rule you’re breaking, so within reason, do what works.
Amen.
love this post!
The one that changed my life: the days are long, the years are short. It restores my perspective every time.
Perect.
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