Motley Mama

All entries (except the first and last) texted from my phone to my email while lying on the couch moaning and generally acting like a typhoid victim. Please excuse the whining.

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April

5 Weeks

I am with child! I told Austin by drawing it in chalk on the patio. Had nervous diarrhea all day waiting for him to come home, pacing the house like a lunatic, cursing the clock.

I have no symptoms and do not feel pregnant at all. Is this real life? Is this what some pregnant people feel like all the time?

I suppose I feel a bit emotional. Whenever I think about the baby, I feel homesick for Waylon. Is this normal? Instead of worrying about labor, I’m worrying about holding two babies at once. Everyone says you love the second baby just as much, but I don’t see how that is possible.

I push it from my mind.

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6 Weeks

 Threw up at the grocery store.

7 Weeks

So far today I’ve choked down a piece of bread and one skittle. Mostly I lie on the couch and moan. Waylon comforts me by blowing his recorder and demanding eggs.  Yesterday I made a batch of tuna noodle salad. Took a bite and threw the rest away.

I am a giant saltine.

8 Weeks

Nothing and no one appeals to me. Even my kind husband who empties my barfy trashcan is taxing. I look at him as I would a wild mongoose–with affection, but with no real desire to touch it or pick up its socks.

This morning I googled can I die from morning sickness?

No.

All day long I battle dark thoughts such as wishing McDonald’s delivered and wondering if frozen pizza at 9am will give me diabetes. Ate a lunchable for breakfast like it’s 1999. I hope my baby doesn’t come out singing the lyrics to Fresh Prince Of Bel Air and asking for a Furby.

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 May

9 Weeks

This pregnancy is so different from the last one. I am so incredibly sick. Instead of waves of nausea, it’s a constant and unrelenting sea sickness. I throw up daily and battle constant tension headaches. There’s no pause for normalcy, no break in the day for energy or appetite or pleasantries. There is no pregnancy glow.

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All the food in my house appears to be covered in a fine layer of mold. Austin says it’s not true, but I think he may be trying to ruin my life. 

Luckily I’m pregnant with four other good friends, all due at the same time, which is convenient for commiserating and exchanging helpful tips.

Today I sent an email to one that simply said: baked potatoes.

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Waylon’s Home Remedy For Morning Sickness In 10 Steps

1) Sit on pregnant stomach.

2) Blow recorder.

3) Count “semen, eight, nine, ten!” and jump off pregnant stomach onto floor. Repeat 10x.

4) Apply stickers to all family members and household items.

5) Demand eggs.

6) Ignore retching due to eggs.

7) Demand raisins.

8) Throw raisins behind the couch.

9) Remove diaper.

10) Poop on rug.

Repeat.

10 Weeks

I am alive. I made it. I can sit up for more than 15 minutes at a time. I can face the cheese drawer and tolerate the smell of cooked broccoli.

The nausea is still here but comes in waves. It is all very manageable which has inspired me to sometimes put on pants.

Cheers.

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Pregnancy sickness is no joke, but I’d like to take a moment here for thankfulness and a quick prayer for my fellow womenfolk in waiting. I stand with you in your journey to motherhood. You are warriors, every single one. May your mama hearts be filled with peace through this difficult and painful process.

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