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Is Circumcision Important?

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Most adult men in America are circumcised, but the number of newborns having the operation is falling, now below 50% in some states, intensifying the dilemma for parents and causing a national (and medical) divide.

When Austin and I found out we were having a boy, we just assumed we would circumcise our newborn. It’s normal! It’s routine! Hasta Luego foreskin! Whatever.

The circumcision trend in America began in large part to keep boys from masturbating. 19th century physicians went as far as suggesting the surgery should be done without medication so that a child will associate his genitals with pain. 

In Plain Facts for Young and Old (1882), John Harvey Kellogg writes: “A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision …The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind.”

Today, arguments in favor of circumcision are based on science. Studies in Africa suggest that circumcised heterosexual males are less likely to contract HIV than their non-circumcised counterparts (only if they choose not to wear a condom). Proponents also argue that urinary tract infections are less likely, and that it is necessary for cleanliness.

On the other side of the spectrum, the American Academy of Pediatricians claims the medical data in favor of circumcision “are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision,” and most American doctors admit the procedure is not medically necessary.

The controversy extends beyond America as well. This past June, Germany was shaken by a court ruling that circumcision of minors was harmful, and a violation of a child’s rights. In the UK, less than 10% of men are circumcised.

Around these parts, circumcision has historically been as normal as a vaccination. Until recently, doctors simply asked, “When would you like your baby circumcised?” Now it’s a choice, and a strange one at that. Instead of making a choice based on science, the decision is mostly cultural. What if my child looks different than his peers? Will he be made fun of? What if he looks different from me? Will his penis look weird?!?

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In the end, we did not circumcise our newborn. I left it up to Austin and he decided to forgo it, calling the procedure “cosmetic.” 

I don’t regret the choice we made, but I do avoid the discussion with my peers because really, we don’t feel strongly either way. Circumcise, don’t circumcise—your kid will be perfectly fine either way. It’s not something I lose sleep about.

This doesn’t mean I’m not interested the discussion. This topic is so heated and overdramatic in the Internet world that I crave a normal, insightful discussion without eye rolling at the words BABY TORTURE in all caps (relax Internet trolls!).

What about you? Is circumcision important to your family? How did you make the decision?

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Circumcision, the ultimate parenting dilemma on BBC

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What Do You Want In A Man?

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In celebration of what some men might call “satan’s holiday” coming up tomorrow, I’m talking about man-ness today and what women really want in their partner.

Dating is tricky, and while there is no foolproof way to handle love, there is a way to say this is what I want and this is what I absolutely do not want. For example, I absolutely do not want someone I can walk all over. I don’t want someone who drinks too much or talks too loud. I also don’t want someone who can’t do my taxes. I really hate doing my taxes.

If you’re like me, you date the same kind of guy over and over until you realize you don’t actually like that kind of guy and start dating someone much quieter.

My top qualifications are not unique. In order of importance, they are: 1: Smart 2: Funny 3: Tall 4: Helpful 5: Assertive.

To be clear, this is what I want in a man, not what I think everyone should want in a man. I don’t believe in soulmates but I do believe in a good match. Everyone has their must-haves.

What do YOU want in a man? What’s most important?

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PS: Just a quick nod to all the types of loving in this world. While I can only speak to heterosexual love, I want to acknowledge those women who are asking “what do you want in a woman?” I suspect my ideal woman would be a combination of these two woman. Their brains and brawn make my heart swell.

xo

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Are You Modest?

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My friend Shannon sent me this picture last week for a freewrite. I tried to think of something clever to say about it but all I could think was: which one am I? Am I prudish? Asking for it? Am I, at all, modest?

I think the answer, in short, is no. Despite growing up in Christian schools that did not allow sleeveless or short skirts, I somehow escaped the guilt that fell on many of my peer’s shoulders–that our bodies should be covered lest we be raped. Luckily my parents had sense and did not make bodies into a big deal. Even though I was overweight for most of my childhood, I did not feel ugly or any need to cover up in the locker room. This is not to say I didn’t deal with my fair share of body issues (oh honey did I), but modesty was never one of them.

To be clear, I’ve never dressed especially provocative or immodest–I just don’t think about things like, “Should I wear a bra with this?” Because bras are uncomfortable and I hate bras and who cares. Short skirts are just showing off. Do you want to be a show off? That’s what I think when I see a super short skirt. If I ever have the responsibility of having a daughter, you bet your bottom dollar that she’ll be covering her bottom dollar. Not because I think it’s necessarily wrong, but because I think it’s silly. And not silly ha-ha, but silly DO YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT? (Maybe I should stick to sons).

And perhaps I have an uneducated idea of what modest really means. When I think of modest, I think high collars and long skirts, Amish folks and school marms. I think of my third grade librarian and her tightly wound bun. Even in the third grade, I pitied her. Had she ever been on a date? Worn high heels? Thrown on a little lipstick and went out on the town? For me, it’s not as much about being modest as it is about being classy. Classy is sexy. Classy is what men (and women) want. Classy is what will get you a job interview and health benefits. Let’s keep it classy, teenage youths! Put away your fishnet stockings. You don’t want to be that girl.

One last thing. To be clear, I don’t think my Amish neighbors wearing coverings and cape dresse are repressed unless they feel repressed (because that’s how repression works). Own it if you love it. That is my take on modesty.

What about you? Are you matronly or provocative? Are you modest?

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How Do You Stay Young?

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My friend Leah started wearing eye cream.

We are the same age, 27, and all of a sudden she’s wearing eye cream and I’m the girl who’s always been a step behind. I tried to talk her out of it, knowing full well she’d keep on wearing eye cream and I’d keep on getting wrinkles. Her response was casual and matter of fact: We are getting older.

In my heart of hearts I know “old” is relative and that wrinkles are just a memoir to a life lived. I also know that getting older is a privilege not afforded to many. I get that. I really do. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a pang of jealousy when I see pictures of my 20 year old self. That girl had great skin.

Writing or talking about aging when you’re still 27 is, admittedly, annoying. And truthfully, exclamations of good grief I’m getting so old is one of my biggest pet peeves. The best beauty tip is also the best anti-aging advice: you are as beautiful, as young, as amazing as you feel. Even if our skin sags and our hairs gray, we can still have dance parties in our underwear and stay up until 2am just for the hell of it. It’s up to us.

When it comes to eye cream, I suspect it will be like when my friends started wearing skinny jeans and two years later I finally gave in. I can’t breathe, but whatever.

What are your secrets to feeling young?

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A young Martha Stewart pictured above. Source unknown.

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When Do You Ugly Cry?


It’s no secret that since I’ve hit motherhood, I’ve turned into a crier. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pay it forward commercial, sad news story, or a new baby entering the world–my ugly cry face is the same. I just can’t get myself together.

I call these tears “mom tears,” but even before Waylon was on the scene, I was no stranger to the ugly cry, especially on days like the one pictured above or whenever I watch this video (good luck). Despite an often crusty exterior, I’m all mush inside.

My ugliest cry face to date happened on a rainy day in September when I took my colicky newborn to the grocery store. He fussed the whole time and by the time I was in the check out line, he was screaming. I broke out into a sweat. People were staring. I rushed out the door, but the moment I stepped outside the skies opened and it started raining so hard I couldn’t see my car.

I didn’t know what else to do but to get wet, so I stepped out into the rain trying my best to shield the baby from the storm. That’s when a man appeared beside me and took hold of the cart. He said, “take the baby and get into the car. I got this.”

I’ve tried to explain to Austin that the science behind crying doesn’t make sense. So often I really, truly don’t want to cry. I’ll try to think of something funny or picture Kristen Stewart’s face, but it’s no use. Just the other day we were at a department store watching kids get their pictures taken with Santa when a handicapable young lady got in line with her two dogs and parents. The look on her face when she saw Santa. I am crying now.

Despite its embarrassment (I’m pretty sure people in the department store thought someone died), crying is almost always cathartic and helpful. It’s a reminder that we are human, that we are feeling. In an increasingly disconnected world (myself included), it feels good to feel connected to something larger.

What about you? Do you ugly cry? Once a year? Once a week?

When do you ugly cry?

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 Similar: Where Are Your Tears?

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