Tag Archives: You

Most of us live by a series of mantras. What Goes Around Comes Around or Do Unto Others  or one of my personal favorites: Never Say Never.

It is universally understood that saying you will never do or say or be something is the first step towards looking like a fool. We all do it though, which is fine, but it does beg the question–are there things we can say we will actually never do?

Austin, his brother, and I sat around the other night trying to come up with a list of things we would never, ever do. It was hard. Even the most preposterous things have a slight possibility. For example, maybe I will climb Mount Everest someday given the chance. Maybe I will learn to love olives! Maybe something terrible or wonderful will happen in my small life and I will get a tattoo!

At one point we all agreed we would never bungee jump (would prefer skydiving) but then realized that if given the chance to bungee in an amazing destination, we would probably just do it. By the end of the conversation, I only had one never: I will never, ever scuba dive.

Scuba is most definitely incredible, but scuba means I’m trapped in a heavy helmet and WHAT IF I CAN’T BREATHE?!? Since childhood, I’ve been regretfully very claustrophobic. Small spaces such as elevators or zipped tents always cause heavy breathing and a quick, creeping panic.

So: noway, nohow will I ever scuba!

As an aside, some might say they would never cheat on their spouse or steal skinny jeans from J-Crew–but I think we’re all capable of anything under the right circumstances. But that’s a (heavier) topic for another day.

What are some things you’ll never do?

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My history of swearing is not unique.

I grew up in a non-swearing home with non-swearing parents and multiple non-swearing cats. If we were upset about something, you simply said “Shoot!” or “Nuts!” I remember when we were finally allowed to say “Crap!” What a relief.  (“Sucks” is still not encouraged).

Of course I still whispered swears with friends while giggling over their naughtiness. I also remember yelling “ASSHOLE BITCH” once to a mean boy on the playground. Clearly I didn’t know what I was doing.

Once I finally reached adulthood, I found swearing to be both internally gratifying and a great party trick. A well placed swear combined with some impeccably delivered wit is conversational gold.

Of course there is a difference between being vulgar and being witty. There is also a difference between saying a swear and swearing at someone. When I say “Pat Robertson is full of shit,” that’s okay because I’m not calling him a shit. I want to, but I won’t. Not today.

Kids do complicate things. When Austin and I became parents, we tried our best to trade in our shits and damns for shoots and darns, but we’re not perfect. Truth be told, words are simply that–words. There is no such thing as a “bad word,” only bad behavior. The more we tell our kids not to say SHIT, the more it will swirl in their bellies until it explodes in front of poor Aunt Eileen. 

When it comes to blogging, I try not to swear too often only because swearing too much is boring. If someone is offended by a word, I try to remember I’m not morally responsible for their hurt feelings. For example, even though I’m offended when my 15-year-old facebook friend writes “wen some1 leaves u, let them go,” that doesn’t mean they’ll have to answer to me in some sort of social media afterlife. It just means they have offensively bad spelling.

Look. I’m a language lover. I cannot suppress words so rich with connotation just because they might offend someone. We call them “colorful words” because they add color. They get our attention. They make us laugh! Can you think of a word funnier than “asshat?” 

I cannot.

What about you? Do you swear? Has it changed?

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Continued from Part One.

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1. Do you have any Mennonite friends? I’ve always been fascinated by their philosophies.

This question made me laugh, mostly because I grew up in Mennonite education from kindergarten to college making a lot of my friends Mennonite. Also, I’m totally Menno! I just don’t talk about it a lot here on the blog because then people might think we’re Amish and it’s confusing.

Just like all denominations/religions, there is a broad spectrum in theology and lifestyle when it comes to Mennonites. There are the conservative branches (coverings, fundamentalism!) and also liberal groups (Obama, granola!). One of our shared features is an emphasis on peace and justice. It’s pretty cool. I found a pretty good Q&A about it here.

Austin and I don’t attend church regularly, but we still identify with many of the beliefs in Mennonite Church USA.

2. Do you sometimes wish that Austin had chosen a career that was/will be less demanding?

Yes.

3. Is PA as bad as I imagine it to be?

All you Pennsylvania haters. NO.

I haven’t seen much of the western part of the state, but the eastern side is pretty great. Less than four hours from Philadelphia, DC, New York City, and the beach. Win!

4. Have you ever met a famous person?

I kissed Glen Hansard once. Is he famous?

5. Does Austin know what type of medicine he wants to go into?

No. Right now he is interested in Interventional Radiology, which means a six year residency. Blerg.

6. I would love to hear your thoughts on moving away from family. How have you responded to transitions and changes in life that take you away or force you closer to different people in your life?

When we moved from our little city life to the suburbs, I was really, really sad. Then a wise friend told me that moving for your spouse (without resentment) is like giving them an amazing gift. I try to remember that whenever medical school interrupts my life. I’ve given him a gift so I should probably try not to take it back.

This doesn’t mean I don’t complain (I do). We are very lucky to be in Hershey for medical school, it was our first choice. Fingers crossed that we don’t end up in the middle of North Dakota for six years of residency.

More about creating home here.

7. I have a little boy (10 months old) and his sleep is BAD. He nurses to sleep and then I put him in his crib.  He is up by 11PM and refuses to be put back in his crib so he comes to bed with my husband and me.  After in the bed he does okay until around 3-4am and then he wants to nurse off and on for the rest of the night.  It is exhausting!!!  (As you know) I was hoping that you might be able to give me some much needed advice on what worked or didn’t work with Waylon.  I know that every child is different but I am at a loss.

Oh mama. I have BEEN THERE.

For the first year of his life, that schedule worked for us. We were sleeping in late in the mornings to make up for the lost sleep at night and all was well. Then something clicked in my body and brain that said that is enough and we decided to sleep train him at 14 months. I wrote about it here in Night One, Night Two, and Sleep Teaching: A Success Story.

I think it’s important to listen to your body and also know what kind of kid you have. We tried before he was a year old and he was not ready (neither was I).

Also: routine. Routine and having a support system to back you up. When we finally decided to sleep teach Waylon at 14 months, it was a huge success.

8. High school seniors are often asked “where do you want to be in 10 years?” What did you assume that you’d be doing at this age? What has been the biggest surprise to date, the one thing you look at now and think “wow, I never expected this!”? 

Ten years ago I thought I was going to become an English teacher, marry my high school sweetheart, and have babies.

I did not expect to marry a tall introvert who enjoys board games and puzzles.

9. Do you have a favorite cheese?

Three of you asked me this, which is awesome because cheese is important.

First of all, I like all of the cheese. The smellier the better. But if I’m at the grocery and grabbing a cheese to snack on? Extra, extra sharp.

10. How is babymaking going?

I wanted to write something cute, but last Friday I had an ovarian cyst that burst and I literally thought: this is how I’m going to die, so I’m not in the mood to be cute. My uterus is trying to kill me.

3 rounds of Clomid, 15 pounds of weight gain, and one too many wasted pregnancy tests and I’m no closer to baby numero dos.

We persevere!

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A big thank you to everyone who submitted questions.

If you have any additional questions (or I missed yours), feel free to leave them in the comments below.

On Monday I asked Twitter and Facebook if you had any questions for a Q&A post this month and, as it turns out, you did. So many that I decided to split the post into two pieces. Thanks for asking. Despite being a little self indulgent, I love a good set of question and answers. It tickles my peanut.

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1. If you could pick any of the current bachelor contestants for Waylon, who would it be?

WHAT I DON’T WATCH THE BACHELOR.

(Catherine. She had my vote the morning they all had to get up early and she said, “I just need to pee and I’m good.” I like low maintenance.)

2. How does having a kid change the relationship with the in-laws for you?

Great question. Unfortunately, my rule to never talk about your in-laws on a blog is steadfast. I will say that having a kid changes your relationship with everyone, for better or for worse. It’s a natural part of the process.

3. Why did you decide to stay at home with Waylon? Are you content with your decision?

All my life I’ve wanted three things: to write, have babies, and to develop a scientific formula for eating pounds of chocolate while staying thin. Two out of three isn’t bad.

4. How many babies do you want?

At least one more. Maybe three? More than that sounds hard.

 5. Do you think you’ll go back to work after Austin is done with school? (when I say back to work, I mean work outside of the nonstop work that is being a mom).

Do I think I’ll ever go back to a mediocre desk job? No. Do I think I’ll sit around and eat bon-bons all day while my kids are in school? No. (Well. Actually maybe yes).

Right now I work from home as a freelance writer and editor, along with a few other side projects. Currently I’m editing an 837 page manuscript about a semi-historical frontier hero! Pray for my crossed eyes.

It’s kind of hard to plan for what happens after medical school. Residency programs last anywhere from 3-6 years, which is kind of like school except much, much worse. Austin will be working 80 hour weeks so I doubt I’ll work outside the home. We take it year by year.

6. After dealing with the colic and Austin being a student, how did you come to the decision to have another baby? Are you nervous/afraid of a repeat of colic or dealing juggling another baby with Austin’s schedule? Let alone the financial stuff? Basically I’m looking for a convincing argument to have another baby myself.

Well, when you put it that way WHAT AM I DOING.

At this point, I’m naive enough to think that lightening can’t strike twice in the colic department. Austin’s schedule is a moot point only because he’ll be busy for the next 5-10 years (see you when we’re 40, honey!), so there will never be a “good time” to procreate.

We also won’t have money for another decade, but that’s just part of marrying a student.

I know what you mean though. I wasn’t ready for another baby until I was ready. I think it’s important to listen to your body and trust your gut. That said, can you ever be 100% ready? I look at parents with more than one child and just hope they’re not crying themselves to sleep every night.

7. Are you almost done your book?? And what’s it about?

It’s a book of essays, memoir style, full of things my parents will be so incredibly embarrassed to read. Halfway there.

8. Do you still get excited about new blog followers or popular posts or getting comments that you rock at life?

Still get excited? It’s the only reason this little old blog keeps going. Thank you. You make me better.

9. You seem very politically correct in your blogs yet I get a feeling you’re actually very politically opinionated. Which one is it?

I hope it’s possible to be both opinionated and gracious when it comes to politics and hot button issues. Truth be told, I am an open book when it comes to how I feel about all the things, but I don’t think it’s my place to tell you how to think about all the things. Does that make sense?

I’ll admit it’s sometimes hard to bite my tongue, but if I’m not careful with your feelings–then I can’t expect you to be careful with mine. Open and honest discussion is what I crave.

More about blogging and politics here.

10. Have you ever had thoughts of regret about having a baby? How did you deal with that?

I have never regretted having Waylon, no. I have taken out the trash and wondered what would happen if I didn’t go back inside.

The key is solidarity and community. Having the ability to say “this is hard” is such a powerful resource in motherhood. Without it, we’re just a pile of smiley facebook photos and instagrams of morning coffee.

Remember: even on our worst days, we’re still doing it. We’re still showing up and keeping other humans alive, one bowl of macaroni and cheese at a time.

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To be continued in Part Two.