Tag Archives: Things

January 8, 2013

Introducing

welcoming-baby

Hi there.

I’m going to be brief today only because advertising myself (or anyone else) is always awkward for me. I don’t like to be sold to. It’s why I never attend Mary Kay or tupperware parties. I like Mary Kay and tupperware, but pressure to buy anything in front of an audience makes me feel anxious. I start to sweat and fidget and repress nervous gas like an escaped convict. I need time to think about things before I buy them, and being observed during that process ignites a strange and sudden urge to flee.

Last spring, Austin and I went mattress shopping and by the third store I just sat in the car rocking myself and stress eating stale crackers out of the diaper bag. It was not great.

Anyway.

I make videos. You’ve seen them before of Waylon, but I also do the occasional wedding and birth. It’s fun! And now I’m opening it up to you.

Now offering new baby video keepsakes. You give me the pictures and videos and I do the rest. A great way for remembering this weird and sacred time.

 

Contact me directly for pricing and details.

kate@motleymama.com

Cheers (and happy baby making).

***

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January 8, 2013

Top Ten New Mom Gifts

Click Image For Source

It’s come to my attention that you or someone you know is with child. I know this because you or your friend has emailed, texted, twittered, or facebooked me and asked me a form of the following question: What should I get?  If you do not fall under this category, you may skip this chapter and go back to your lunchtime margarita. Everyone else, thanks for asking. For some reason you think I know things which helps me believe I know things. This week alone I’ve gotten over a dozen inquiries, which seems like a strange coincidence–but I’ll roll with it. I like making lists.

For a while I had been deferring to this post, a top ten list I made one month after Waylon was born of all my favorite new mom and new baby products. It’s a good list, although I’d definitely replace the Moby Wrap with an Ergo Carrier (save your back and thank me later). This list contains similar items with a few new additions from the perspective of a more seasoned parent. You learn a lot in the first year. Like don’t buy a wipes warmer. You do not need a wipes warmer.

As an aside, often when bloggers make gift guides they make them very beautiful and link to 65 dollar wooden rattles. I think this is wonderful (I like beautiful things), but realistically your new mom friend does not need a 65 dollar wooden rattle. In fact, babies don’t need much of anything, which is why most of these gifts go to mama. 

Enjoy.

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Post birth outfit

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 See it on Etsy

 One of my most treasured baby gifts was a nursing gown and robe to wear after Waylon was born. Not only was it comfortable and roomy, it helped me feel better about myself while I was feeling like a washed up jellyfish in front of visitors.

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Burp Cloths

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 See it on Amazon

You can never have too many burp cloths, especially in the first few months when they all disappear into the laundry basket and you wonder when you’ll ever smell normal again (you will). Pretty ones are best. It’s the small things.

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Postpartum Massage

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See it on Amazon

There is no better way to say, “Congratulations for pushing a 9 pound child out of your vagina” than a massage gift card! I’m absolutely certain of this.

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White Onesies 

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See it on Amazon

Like burp clothes, one can never have enough white onesies. This is especially true for mamas with baby boys who are tired of clothing covered in trucks and puppies (me).

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Diapers 

Disposable-diapers

 See it on Amazon

I know it seems boring because fact: it is boring. But having diapers delivered is a Godsend. Order a whole box off Amazon (cheaper) and you will be a hero.

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Netflix Or HuluPlus Giftcard

netflix

Feeding a baby takes time. Boost morale with some feeding entertainment, like the ability to watch favorite shows on Hulu or Netflix. Or, drop off a few of your favorite chick flicks. The act (and the movies) will make her cry.

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Nursing tank tops

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 See it on Amazon

I’ve worn a nursing tank top almost every day for a year and a half. Lucky Austin! They are so comfortable and convenient that I’ve become a walking commercial.  Target has a great selection for around 20 dollars a top. Worth it.

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Service

Click Image For Source

One of the best gifts for a new mom is acts of service; gentle, no nonsense, quiet service. But there are rules. For example, don’t give a printed out coupon that says  ”This coupon equals one dish washing experience!” or make statements such as, “Let me know when you’d like a load of laundry done!” Instead just do the dishes. Do the laundry. Make sure it’s a good time, yes. But don’t make a new mom ask for help, just help. Also don’t bring your kids along “to help.” Just help. Just you. Be quiet. Bring snacks.

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Food

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Dropping off a meal for a new family is a nice thing to do. Dropping off a bag of groceries is even nicer. Suggested drop off items: Bread, cheese, cookies, nuts, homemade trailmix, white cheese popcorn, chips, salsa, fresh produce, cranberry juice, pads, soap, toothbrushes. This is, hands down, one of the best new mom gifts.

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Ergo Baby Carrier

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 See it on Amazon

You want to give the baby a gift? I understand. This is the best baby carrier. The baby will love it. Mom will love it. Don’t bother with anything else. The Moby is great, but it’s complicated and not worth the money.

***

Please note that no one is paying me to write this post. Although if you ever click on a link from my site to Amazon and buy the product — I will receive roughly three pennies. Thank you in advance! It should also be noted that the image above is not my own. I never looked that good pregnant. 

  Image Source

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April 3, 2012

Top Ten Ways To Distract Your Baby From Being A Holy Terror

Does your baby ever act less than perfect? Scream like a banshee for no obvious reason? Cling to your legs and whine when you’ve spent all day holding her? Do you find yourself lingering outside by the trashcans just so you don’t have to face another minute of endless, godless, high-pitched despair? If this sounds familiar, look no further! We have all the answers here! Utilizing these ten tools of distraction, your baby will never cry again.*

1) Trickery

One of the best ways to trick your baby into not crying is to play a little game I like to call “Hunter/Gatherer.” Leave a trail of Cheerios from one room to another and walk away. Baby is distracted for at least ten minutes crawling from one Cheerio to the next.

Pros: Your baby is learning basic survival skills (if there were Cheerios in the wild).

Cons: You will most definitely step on a Cheerio.

2) Stupid Songs

Singing stupid songs is one of my many talents. Keep baby on his toes by trying to figure out what the heck you’re saying.

hush little baby, don’t say a word
mama’s gonna to buy you a hairy bird
and if that hairy bird don’t sing
mama’s gonna to buy you a skating ring
if that skating rink is dumb
mama’s gonna buy you a brand new thumb
if that brand new thumb is scary
mama’s gonna buy you a garden fairy
and if that garden fairy’s too gross
mamas gonna buy you actress Glenn Close
and if Glenn Close turns out to be lame
mama’s gonna buy you a new last name

Pros: You can work on your rhyme scheme!

Cons: You are working on a rhyme scheme.

3) Forbidden Fruit

I know you’ve done it too. Baby is playing in the forbidden trashcan, but is so happy that you just let it go because, for the love of Pete, he’s being quiet.

Pros: Silence.

Cons: Baby has just eaten a discarded fingernail.

4) Stories From The Farm

Babies love books that describe illogical farm animals. Why is the mouse driving the tractor? I don’t get it.

Pros: Michelle Obama says reading is great for kids!

Cons: You are hoarse from making horse sounds.

5) Music Lessons

Letting baby bang on the piano or strum the guitar will make him positively gleeful.

Pros: You are Parent Of The Year saying your 9 month old practices an instrument every day.

Cons: Your baby almost swallowed a guitar pick.

6) Lawn Care

Mowing the lawn is my favorite. I love the smell and the sound and most of all, the way it shuts my kid up within seconds of being strapped onto my back. Thanks lawn mower!

Pros: Your grass is mowed.

Cons: Your child may lose partial hearing.

7) Dental Hygiene

Baby’s love toothbrushes. High five for dental hygiene!

Pros: Shiny whites.

Cons: Drool. Lots of drool.

8) Great Outdoors

This may seem obvious, but sometimes I forget that if I’d just take the kid for a walk, he’ll turn into a different baby and then fall head first into a deep sleep.

Pros: Exercise! Vitamin D! Nature!

Cons: Socks, shoes, pants, jacket, hat…and the baby has to get dressed too.


9) Mirror Image

My aunt has a bajillion kids and taught me this trick. Take your phone and flip the camera around so baby can see himself cry. Not so funny now, is it pal!

Pros: Crying stops.

Cons: Now baby MUST HAVE THAT PHONE.

10) Someone More Interesting

If all else fails, pawn baby off to the closest relative or friend so you can retreat to the bathroom and play games on your iPhone.

Pros: Baby pretends to take an “anti-crying” stance in front of others.

Cons: Everyone thinks you’re constipated.

***

Tips & Tricks Brought To You By The Mother Of A High Needs Baby

*If this turns out to be true, I want your money.

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March 8, 2012

Nostalgia Hoarder

It’s no secret that I’m a nostalgia hoarder. I’ve mentioned it about five billion times before but here I am mentioning it again because lately, I can’t stop. A few months ago, my sister and I went up to our parent’s attic to go through our old toys. We threw away maybe 1%. The rest we neatly packaged back into their proper containers and said “until next time.”

You see, my sister and I were not reckless, destructive children. We treasured our toys and treated them like they were alive. We never put our barbies in the mud or cut our doll’s hair, that would be mean. We were not mean to our toys, just to each other.

I even brought a few toys home, just a few extra special treasures that had gotten lost in the recesses of my mind and made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

The buck doesn’t stop there. In addition to hoarding all old toy memorabilia (including old tubes of lipsmaker’s chapstick), I also have things like my first grade valentines and a small treasure chest of my baby teeth. You may be thinking, “Gross, baby teeth.” I agree, the teeth totally gross me out. They are brown around the edges and some even have parts of my gums still attached (shudder). But what am I supposed to do with them? Throw them out? Throwing out my baby teeth seems wrong (and a bit horrifying). I told my friend Elizabeth about it and she made some remark about not wanting to be the one holding the garbage bag when it rips and a handful of baby teeth fall out. That was funny.

To further my obsession with remembering the 90s, I am a frequenter of the blog appropriately named “I’m Remembering” and an avid follower of The 90s Life on Twitter. Here are a few gems I’ve found through their archives (click image for source).

Parachute (AKA: Best Day of Gym Class)

No idea what this is called.

Popples

Ring Pops!

Cash Register.

Orbitz

Talkboy!

Fashion Plates (totally had this).

Cookie Counter!

Mom never let us have Gak, but we got a hold of some anyway.

PJ Sparkle. Best Christmas gift ever.

Sit And Spin!

Beauty and the Beast Handheld and Pregnant Kitty.

FYI: I could go on for days.

I only hope Waylon is as fond of his childhood as I am (but maybe without the baby teeth).

Are you a nostalgia hoarder? Do you have your baby teeth? I know I’m not alone.

***

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March 6, 2012

Top Ten Toys For Babies

My kid has a lot of toys. I knew it would happen. Long before he was born, folks came out of the woodwork to gift us with their leftovers, resulting in three hundred plastic trains, four hundred wooden blocks, and one thousand other small creatures and automobiles.

Of course there are favorites. Captain Calamari usually makes him laugh and there is a silly little train he always reaches for. Yet for the most part, despite having all of these incredibly colorful, noisy, and intricate toys to play with, the baby has decided he’d rather have a small piece of tape or a discarded toenail to play with. Gross.

I’ve come around to it I guess. Instead of forcing any sort of relationship with my old stuffed bear, I let him play with whatever he wants to–as long as it’s reasonably safe.

Here are the Top Ten “Toys” he’d rather play with.

1) Box

Baby likes Box because it becomes his own little man-cave. He can poop, spit, and fart in peace without anyone saying “look how cute it is when he poops/spits/farts!”

You may say—> Doesn’t that clutter up floor space? The answer is yes!

2) Remote

Baby loves Remote because it is black and shiny and he’s not really allowed to play with it. Remote is second to iPhone, which did not make it onto this list as it is strictly forbidden and NOT A TOY (I’m talking to you, Waylon).

You may say—> “Um, we don’t have a TV” (loosely translated to: I am better than you). Don’t worry! You can get a remote control for pennies at the thrift store!

3) Camera Lens Cap

Camera Lens Cap is a favorite because it is attached to another item on the Strictly Forbidden list, Camera. Baby loves Camera Lens Cap because it is nice to chew on and looks like a big cookie.

You may say—> Doesn’t the lens cap get all sticky and wet when you let baby play with it? The answer is yes!

4) Power Cord

I can only assume Power Cord is one of baby’s favorites because it is kind of dangerous. So far exactly two power cords have been ruined due to baby’s sharp teeth.

You may say—> Shouldn’t you definitely not let your baby play with power cords? The answer is yes!

5) Shoe

Baby loves Shoes because the bottoms are covered with dirt, grime, and animal feces. He also loves to chew in the soft corners, kind of like a dog!

You may say—> Gross! Shouldn’t you be giving your baby actual toys to play with? The answer, again, is yes.

6) Dishwasher

Baby loves Dishwasher because it is rolls back and forth and often contains shiny, sharp knives and plates covered in chicken grease.

You may say—> Baby loves dishwasher because baby loves helping! I disagree. Baby is never helping.

7) Measuring Cup

Ah, the Measuring Cup. Measuring Cups are great because Measuring Cups are safe. When baby gets fussy, I often pull them out because they are magic.

You may say—> This is old news. My response? I had to be told to do this. Mommy dummy!

8) Balloon

Baby loves balloons because balloons are shiny and floaty and look like something he shouldn’t be playing with.

You may say—> Are you sure babies should have balloons? My answer is, probably not.

9) Spatula

Like Measuring Cup, Spatula is one of baby’s safer non-toys. Baby loves Spatula because they are fun to wave around and hit things with.

You may say—> That’s an adorable picture. I say, I agree.

10) Magazine

Baby has loved Magazine from the day he laid eyes on one. Magazines are fun because they crinkle and rip and taste delicious.

You may say—> Don’t let him eat paper. I say, too late!

f

Do your kids chew through power cords too? Maybe you’re a better mom than that. Or maybe you chewed through them as a kid. I can only hope.

d

***

Obvious PS (So Something Terrible Doesn’t Happen And It’s All My Fault): Don’t be an ignoramus and let your kids play with unsafe objects, especially when you aren’t watching.

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