Tag Archives: Sleep

I thought I was done talking about sleep training, but after receiving a dozen or so emails, tweets, and facebook messages about the details of what’s been happening over here, it seems the subject deserves one more post.

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The last time Austin and I let Waylon cry it out he was 9 months old. He cried for two hours and then threw up all over his crib. It was terrible and we swore we’d never do it again.

At 14 months, the experience has been much different. Night one was rough, Night two was better, and by Night Three he was basically sleeping through the night.

Here is the schedule we follow:

So far he’s been consistently sleeping 8:30pm to 8:30am following this schedule. Honestly it couldn’t have gone much better, though I’d like to reiterate that every child is different and has a unique timeline for when he or she can sleep through the night. Also, I am not a sleep training expert. We’ve only been doing this for a week! I will, however, answer some of the questions I’ve been receiving via the Internet to be more efficient. As always, sharing is caring. Please feel free to leave your advice and experiences below.

1) Why did you decide to sleep train your son?

The short answer is that we both needed to get more sleep. We had be successfully co-sleeping for about 11 months, but over the past few weeks he was waking almost every hour and having trouble nursing back to sleep. This was frustrating for both of us. After talking to some of my most trusted momfolk about their successes with sleep teaching, I decided to give it another try.

2) I thought you put away your crib. What is Waylon sleeping in?

The crib is still tucked away in the attic. Waylon is sleeping in a pack n’ play in his own room. Our goal is to move him back to the floor bed sometime before his second birthday.

3) Are you still breastfeeding? How often?

Not at night (high five!), but I do still nurse him during the day. On great days we only do it 3 times; once in the morning and then before naptime and bedtime. On teething days like today, it’s more like 10 times.

4) Do you miss co-sleeping?

Yes and no. I miss him sleeping next to me but I do not missing nursing through the night. Austin has probably had the hardest time adjusting to our new sleeping arrangement. He enjoyed the family bed.

5) Is Waylon sleeping through the night?

Yes! Sometimes he’ll make a little squeak in the middle of the night, but he quickly goes back to sleep. This is amazing to me, but I also know it’s all subject to change with sickness, teething, and normal sleep regression. One day at a time.

6) Why do you think it worked this time but not the other times?

I don’t know. I’d like to think it’s because he understands what we’re saying, but my hunch is that it’s purely biological.

7) What about naps?

We started sleep-teaching during naps on day 4. It was, by far, the worst part of the whole process. He cried for an hour and I almost decided to nurse him to sleep permanently for naps. I’m glad I didn’t, though. He now goes down for a nap with only a few minutes of crying. Usually I take him upstairs around 12:45, nurse him, sing a few songs, and then put him into bed.

8) Were there any moments of doubt?

The first half hour of the first night, I wanted to quit. The rest of the time, no. Although I will say that I did have a few moments of panic during the first few days when Waylon was much more clingy and unhappy than usual. I tried to blame teething, but in the back of my mind I worried that allowing him to cry without comfort was causing him separation anxiety. Luckily he was back to his old self by Friday (day 5).

9) Do you comfort him at all if he cries?

We follow the 5 minute, 10 minute, 20 minute check-in model. As predicted by most every book I read, it’s much easier for Waylon to fall asleep if Austin is the one who returns to pat his back.

10) Are you a new woman with all this extra sleep?

By far the most popular question.

I do feel different, but it’s not any extra sleep. The most rewarding part of this experience, besides being super proud of my kid, is that I’m able to be more independent. Before, I wasn’t able to be away from Waylon for more than a few hours because I was the only one able to nurse to sleep. Now I’m able to leave him with Baby Daddy or my parents for the evening or (hopefully) overnight. This makes us all feel like superstars.

Someone asked me yesterday if I wished I’d done this sooner. Honestly I have no regrets about our first year of sleeping and breastfeeding, but I am excited about this new chapter. Thanks to everyone who gave advice or helped encourage us this past week. It’s been a tremendous support. We feel the love. Waylon, too.

Happy sleeping.

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For those of you who have already sleep trained your children or have no children to sleep train or who aren’t interested in sleep training, these posts may be a bit boring. But for those of you scouring the Internet, searching for answers, trying to figure out the hows and whens and whys of sleep training (or as I like to call it “sleep teaching”)–this is for you. Out of all the advice, statistics, and facts I found in my research–the most helpful information was real life stories with real life examples.

Continued from Night One

Night Two

Last night we followed the same schedule as the night before, except we started an hour earlier at 7pm. This was not intentional but necessary, he was exhausted.  I also had my mom around to help this time (Austin is swamped this week) so that I didn’t have to listen to the first part of the crying alone (the worst part). I actually left the house during the bedtime routine to hang out with some friends and returned around 9:20 after hearing he still wasn’t asleep. Apparently he cried the entire time I was gone, though it was never a scared or desperate cry. He just wanted to be picked up and nursed to sleep as he’d been conditioned to do.

When I arrived home, I immediately wanted to hold him–but my mom reassured me he was fine and that he was close to falling asleep. She had been staying in the room with him and patting his back every 5, 10, 20 (etc) minutes as instructed. Within 5 minutes of my return, he was asleep and he did not wake up again until midnight. Total crying time: 2 hours, 23 minutes.

When I first heard him awake at midnight, I was prepared for a repeat of the night before (or worse), having to get up every half hour or so to reassure him. This time, however, he simply whimpered for 5 minutes and then fell back to sleep on his own. He repeated this 3 more times until morning, putting himself back to sleep each time. It was amazing.

Morning

From the beginning I wanted to keep our morning snuggle and feeding routine, so I decided that anytime after 6 it’s okay to join us in bed and nurse. At 6:01am this morning, he started to cry and so I brought him into bed, fed him, and he slept until 8:15 when I woke him up to start the day.

Things I Know For Sure

If you are deciding on whether or not to sleep train, consider the following:

1) A support system. Get your family, friends, and/or partner involved to help reassure you and hold you accountable. Ask them to bring beer and cookies. Play games. Get out of the house. Listen to 90s throw backs and throw yourself a dance party (but do not under any circumstances listen to sad indie music). Surround yourself with supportive people, otherwise the pain of listening to your child calling for you will leave you in a pit of despair and Oreos.

2) Don’t do it if you’re not comfortable or if you’re baby isn’t ready. Austin and I tried this same method twice before when Waylon was 5 months and 9 months old. Both times he responded with frantic screaming that never changed to a normal cry. He wasn’t ready and I certainly was not ready either. Every child is different.

3) Ask questions and get answers. I texted my trusted mom-friends Candis and Erin a hundred times to ask them about the details. Like, can I still nurse him to sleep for naps? (For now) When can I bring him into bed? (After 6)  What time do I put him to sleep? (No later than 8)

4) Look at the upside. Amidst all the crying these past two nights, I’ve really tried hard to focus on the upsides. For example, goodbye sore nipples! Or the fact that I have much more patience in the morning after being apart all night long. If the pros outweigh the cons, there’s a good chance you and baby are ready.

To be continued.

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I’ve talked a lot about sleep; about co-sleeping and breastfeeding and Montessori beds. I’ve been honest about my doubts and happy about our choices. Together, as a family, we’ve learned and grown.

I knew it was time for Waylon to stop night-nursing a few weeks ago when he began waking often and sleeping poorly. It was a hard truth to swallow. I’ve been enjoying c0-sleeping, but the twilight breastfeeding was becoming a burden, disrupting our sleep, and making both of us cranky during the day. The deal was sealed when I took the baby away this weekend on a trip he shouldn’t have been on just because I couldn’t leave him overnight. The point was further made on Sunday night when he woke at least a dozen times, tossing and turning and kicking me in the stomach. That night something clicked in my brain, something that said: IT’S TIME.

For months I’ve researched different sleep training methods and talked to a lot of moms about their successes and failures. What I learned was that every baby is different; what works for one child will not work for another. For a while I considered doing the “crying in arms” approach, but dismissed it after realizing Waylon is a strong boy and would never allow me to hold him while he cried out of frustration. I also considered sleeping in his room with him so he wouldn’t feel scared or alone, but decided against that too–worrying it would be like dangling a steak in front of a hungry dinosaur. I settled on the teachings taught in the book Sleeping Through The Night, which is basically an updated Ferber method.

I’ll be honest, all day long I had a pit in my stomach the size of Texas about our new arrangement. I dreaded the night and longed for tomorrow. I didn’t want to hear my baby cry. I even talked myself out of it a few times, but when I thought about another night of battling the nursing monster, I knew I couldn’t do that either.

When it was finally time to start, I sent out a dozen or so SOS texts for back up because I knew I would need help; reassurance that this is a good thing and to be held accountable to follow through. Everyone responded promptly, two even came over and brought beer. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you.

Here is what last night looked like:

6:30pm: Bath (High needs babies are often stimulated by baths so we don’t ever do it right before bed because he’s very awake and excited after).

7:30pm: Oatmeal and yogurt (to make sure his belly is full)

8:00pm: Diapered, pajamaed, and in his room for stories, songs, nursing, and cuddles.

8:30pm: Lights out, put in pack n’ play awake.

8:31: Utter despair.

I’m not going to lie, he cried a lot. The first 30 minutes was the worst. He screamed so loud I was sure the neighbors could hear. A few times my eyes filled with tears, and yet I never felt like he was scared or traumatized. He just wanted to nurse, as he’d been conditioned to do.

Most of last night is a blur, but I think his total crying time was probably around 3 hours. 45 minutes to fall asleep the first time, and then up multiple times between 12:30 and 3:30 to cry for at least 20 minutes each time. As instructed, I checked on him after 5 minutes, after 10 minutes, and then after 20 minutes. I never picked him up, just simply reassured him by repeating “I love you” and “It’s time for sleep.” I also helped him to lie down again and patted his back.

After the final bout of exhausted crying ending around 3:30, he slept until 7:50am. 7:50! My boobs were the size of watermelons and my heart was full of pride for my big boy.

Surviving night one gives me hope about night two and night three. It gives me hope that someday we’ll all be sleeping through the night and he’ll be back in his floor bed sleeping soundly. It gives me hope for early morning family bed cuddles without the expectation to nurse. It gives me hope for change.

Continue to —–> Night Two

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