And I really don’t know why because he sits around in his pajamas all day snacking and napping. World’s laziest baby and yet he reaks like three week old leftovers.
I can only blame his parents. Our bath routine has gone from an every day ritual to “Has he been bathed this week? Because his crotch smells awful.”
I blame the hassle that is bathing. Pre-parent Kate thought washing a baby would be the most precious, wonderful, magical, easiest piece of cake ever.
Step One: Undress Baby.
Step Two: Tell Baby How Cute He Is Without Clothes On.
Step Three: Fill Up Kitchen Sink (That Still Kind Of Smells Like Onions?) With Appropriately Warmed Water.
Step Four: Spend Ten Minutes Arguing With Spouse On How The Water Is or Is Not Appropriately Warmed.
Step Five: Turn On Space Heater.
Step Six: Turn Off Space Heater Because It Is Singeing Your Eyebrows.
Step Seven: Find Baby.
Step Eight: Undiaper Baby/Get Peed On By Baby.
Step Nine: Place Baby Gently Into Water While Acting Incredibly Excited For Baby.
Step Ten: Wash Slippery Baby Parts While Singing Loudly For Baby.
Step Eleven: Try Not To Drop Baby Because Baby Is Squirming.
Step Twelve: Encourage Baby To Maybe Enjoy This.
Step Thirteen: Rinse Baby.
Step Fourteen: Dry Baby.
Step Fifteen: Admire Baby In Towel.
Step Sixteen: Diaper & Dress Baby.
Step Seventeen: Smell Baby/ Be Satisfied With Baby.
Step Eighteen: Watch Baby Spit Up In Ear.
Step Nineteen: Start Over.
Translation–> It’s Exhausting.
I also blame teething, which has contributed to less sleep and a general veil of laziness because no one is rested. Remember that one time back in the newborn days when I was all “Woe is me, the baby was up five times and I’m so tired” ? Well I should have thanked my lucky stars it was only five times because teething is a whole new battlefield. Just last night WT was up every hour. EVERY HOUR. If you think I’m exaggerating, I invite you to bed with me tonight. You will not enjoy it.