Once upon a time in the mid 90s, a man named Gary Chapman wrote a book about love languages and a world of women sighed, nodded their head, and said THIS IS HOW TO LOVE ME. In his book, Chapman outlines five ways to express and experience love called “love languages” including gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
Of course it’s not just for women. It’s for men and children, too. And even though I like to poke fun at it and say it’s another way for lady folk to demand all the things, it’s actually a pretty great way to assess how to give and receive love in any type of relationship.
The first (and last) time I took the love language test was with Austin when we were first dating. He asked if I’d ever heard of it (I hadn’t) and so I took it to see what it was all about. The problem was that I knew he scored high in Quality Time and I didn’t want to be the girl who wanted all the Gifts, so I tailored my answers to score a similar result. It worked and when I showed him that we were the same, we both beamed and felt very proud of ourselves.
The things we do to for puppy love. All those salads.
Anyways, I took it again this morning, this time answering honestly, and came up with totally different results.
According to the website, the highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It’s not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you. The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you as much on an emotional level.
This is how I scored:
- 10 Acts of Service
- 7 Words of Affirmation
- 5 Physical Touch
- 4 Quality Time
- 4 Receiving Gifts
A brief write up of each love language here.
Take the (quick) online quiz here.
I was not surprised by my answers, but I did smile thinking about my 23 year old self pretending to not care about kind words or someone changing my oil. Those things are my jam.
What about you? What’s your love language? Has it changed?