Tag Archives: Health

March 2, 2013

When Your Eggs Won’t Drop And It Gets Weird

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There are a lot of unspoken rules in blogging. Like don’t share about money or don’t talk about politics or my own personal mantra: never, ever talk about your mother-in-law. There are just some things you simply don’t talk about, either by choice or because of some nagging feeling in the back of your brain that maybe talking about bum ovaries isn’t something you’re supposed to do.

A few Octobers ago, my friend Katie talked about her struggles with infertility. Her advice to other women struggling: Don’t keep it a secret. Share and be cared for. Let your truth out so that others can share their own truths. Don’t. Be. Afraid.

Here’s my story.

A few years ago on a snowy winter day, a young doctor with kind eyes told me that my chances of conceiving a child naturally were slim to none. Exact words: less than a 1% chance. He also confirmed what I already knew: my ovaries were broken. More specifically, they were polycystic, forming cysts instead of releasing eggs. If you paid attention in health class, you’ll see the problem. If there’s no egg–there’s no chance of an embryo.

It was sad.

Over a year later, I peed on a stick in my work bathroom and almost passed out. You can read more about that in Surprise! There’s An Alien In My Uterus. It was pretty exciting, especially after years of being poked and scraped, trying to understand and fix my bum ovaries. I didn’t cry, but I did laugh. I laughed because even when I was 14 years old and my body wasn’t working the same way my friends’ bodies were working, I said: I will have a baby someday, darn it. Don’t try to stop me.

My story is not unique. In fact, it’s not even all that bad. I know women who have waited for years. Some for decades. You want to talk to real fertility warriors? They are out there. Quietly struggling, quietly stowing away money for IVF treatments and adoption, quietly waiting to be mothers.

We were lucky, dare I say blessed, to have Waylon. He is here! He is healthy! He says full sentences like “Mama Poopy Butts!” Hallelujah! The pregnancy seemed to fix my periods, too. If you are a man and reading this blog (hello!), you may want to skip over this part because apparently menses make you nauseous. Whatever. After Waylon was born, my period came back with some regularity. It was weird and I hoped it meant getting pregnant again someday wouldn’t be impossible.

So far, no luck. It hasn’t been long since I’ve had baby fever, but it’s been long enough that I’m already stomping around and letting out heavy sighs every time I have a negative pregnancy test. Full disclosure, we haven’t been using any birth control since Waylon was a few months old. I didn’t want to be pregnant then, but I know my body well enough to know it doesn’t just make babies.

This month we are on our second round of Clomid, a drug that stimulates ovulation and gives you night sweats. Awesome! It also makes me incredibly crampy, bloated, and irritable. Austin has been patient, but there’s a limit. A few weeks ago he made a joke about the house being messy and I just about burnt the house down. My advice to anyone shacking up with a Clomid user: check yourself before you wreck yourself.

If this round doesn’t work, they’ll double my dosage and then likely move onto shots. We haven’t talked about how much further we’ll go beyond drugs. Austin has always wanted to adopt, and I feel similarly, but that’s not in the cards right now financially. Clomid costs less than 20 bucks for 5 pills, a steal compared to a few years ago when it was over 200.

I’m taking it day by day. At this point I’m not obsessively worried. Waylon isn’t even two and I’m not even thirty. We’ve got time. The point is that when you’re trying and it isn’t working, what do you do? Why is it so weird to talk about? Who came up with this rule that reproduction is a big secret until you’re 12 weeks pregnant? I don’t get it. I don’t care if you know I’m taking Clomid and having scheduled sex (boring!). In fact, I prefer it. I prefer you knowing that’s why I’m randomly sweating bullets in the middle of our lunch date. Nope, not going through menopause, just pumping my body full of hormones, thanks! Excuse me while I remove my shirt.

Austin and I always wanted to have our babies close together; churn out a whole batch of kids and raise them up in a little wolf pack. My prayer is that my bum ovaries don’t put a damper on that dream. My other prayer is that I stop googling “secondary infertility” and “ectopic pregnancy.”  (Seriously, Google is the worst).

Cheers to baby making.

Cheers to sharing.

Cheers for the ability to say, “My ovaries are malfunctioning and now I can’t button my pants.”

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February 21, 2013

Is Circumcision Important?

Motley Mama Dot Com

Most adult men in America are circumcised, but the number of newborns having the operation is falling, now below 50% in some states, intensifying the dilemma for parents and causing a national (and medical) divide.

When Austin and I found out we were having a boy, we just assumed we would circumcise our newborn. It’s normal! It’s routine! Hasta Luego foreskin! Whatever.

The circumcision trend in America began in large part to keep boys from masturbating. 19th century physicians went as far as suggesting the surgery should be done without medication so that a child will associate his genitals with pain. 

In Plain Facts for Young and Old (1882), John Harvey Kellogg writes: “A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision …The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind.”

Today, arguments in favor of circumcision are based on science. Studies in Africa suggest that circumcised heterosexual males are less likely to contract HIV than their non-circumcised counterparts (only if they choose not to wear a condom). Proponents also argue that urinary tract infections are less likely, and that it is necessary for cleanliness.

On the other side of the spectrum, the American Academy of Pediatricians claims the medical data in favor of circumcision “are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision,” and most American doctors admit the procedure is not medically necessary.

The controversy extends beyond America as well. This past June, Germany was shaken by a court ruling that circumcision of minors was harmful, and a violation of a child’s rights. In the UK, less than 10% of men are circumcised.

Around these parts, circumcision has historically been as normal as a vaccination. Until recently, doctors simply asked, “When would you like your baby circumcised?” Now it’s a choice, and a strange one at that. Instead of making a choice based on science, the decision is mostly cultural. What if my child looks different than his peers? Will he be made fun of? What if he looks different from me? Will his penis look weird?!?

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In the end, we did not circumcise our newborn. I left it up to Austin and he decided to forgo it, calling the procedure “cosmetic.” 

I don’t regret the choice we made, but I do avoid the discussion with my peers because really, we don’t feel strongly either way. Circumcise, don’t circumcise—your kid will be perfectly fine either way. It’s not something I lose sleep about.

This doesn’t mean I’m not interested the discussion. This topic is so heated and overdramatic in the Internet world that I crave a normal, insightful discussion without eye rolling at the words BABY TORTURE in all caps (relax Internet trolls!).

What about you? Is circumcision important to your family? How did you make the decision?

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Feel free to leave the name space blank and comment anonymously.

Circumcision, the ultimate parenting dilemma on BBC

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August 30, 2012

5 Tips For Surviving That First Post Labor Poo

We’ve talked about a lot of things here on the blog. We’ve talked about marriage and sex, breastfeeding and hemorrhoids, mornings and morning sickness. The funny part is that out of all of it, the thing you bring up most is the first post labor poo. Those posts are the most popular and almost every reader I meet brings it up within the first 5 minutes. You either thank me for talking about it (you’re welcome) or tell me I’ve scared you into never, ever having children (you’re welcome). It’s awesome.

Recently it’s come to my attention that despite talking about it multiple times, I’ve never actually talked about how to deal with that first post partum poo. I wish so desperately that someone would have warned me about that sucker. I wish even more that someone would have told me what to do to make it less painful.

I have talked to some of you who never had to deal with a difficult first post labor poo. For some reason or another, you were blessed with amazing bowels or a body that takes labor and delivery like a champ. My sincerest congratulations. You have dodged the bullet of all bullets. Now go sit in the corner and be quiet.

Two days after I came home from the birthing center with my new baby boy, I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer. It had been 6 days since anything had passed through my system and it was time. I waited until the baby fell asleep and quietly slipped into the bathroom. Austin wasn’t home so I gave myself a little mirror pep talk and took a few deep breaths. It was go time. Literally.

Exactly ten seconds later I was crying and bracing myself against the wall. Two minutes later I was on the phone with the OBGYN asking if it was possible for my vagina to fall out while trying to have a BM.  The nurse was very kind and assured me I just needed to relax and maybe take a stool softener. A stool softener? Lady, I’ve taken 7. I hung up.

After a few more minutes of trying, bleeding, and quiet screams, the cause of all this angst started to cry from the other room. Panic washed over me as I realized I was really in no position to get up. I was in the middle of anal Armageddon for Pete’s sake. I waited a few minutes hoping he would fall back asleep, but his cries only escalated. I tried calling Baby Daddy who was painting a house a few miles away but he didn’t answer. I cursed him. I cursed him for not having to do any of the hard parts; labor, delivery, twelve stitches, and now this.

Finally I just faced the fact that this was happening. I picked myself up, waddled out to the baby, returned with him attached to my breast, and the experienced the worst 15 minutes of my life. Really. It was the worst.

A year later and this memory is the single largest barrier between me and baby number two. In retrospect, I should have done things a little differently but I didn’t know any better.

Save yourself.

Here are my five tips for surviving that first post labor poo:

1) Get medicated. IB profin, tucks pads, cooling creams, stool softeners, wine. Do it. Do it all.

2) Apply counter pressure. It was only after my first post labor poo that a friend told me to apply counter pressure. It was in a facebook message and I immediately started crying. Yes! Of course! Applying counter pressure in the front with a frozen pad makes it much easier to go in the back without worrying about anything ripping or falling out. (Tip: Soak a pamper and then put it in the freezer. Take out when you’re ready to use the bathroom).

3) Don’t do it alone. Wait until someone else is around before attempting the first labor poo. Moral support plus you won’t have to risk bringing the baby into a war zone.

4) Avoid cheese and anything else that will make your stool hard enough to cut glass. Fruit and veggies are your friend. Prune juice too if you can stomach it, though I’m pretty sure prune juice contains no prunes. Just dirty feet and garbage. Gross.

5) Go to the doctor if it doesn’t get better. Not to freak you non moms out, but my post labor poos didn’t get any easier. In fact, I shit glass for 6 weeks straight before I finally went to the doctor. As it turns out, I had nasty anal fissures as a result of a difficult delivery. Swallow your pride. If it still hurts after a week or so, you might need a prescription to poo in peace.

Now that you have all the secrets, I should probably tell you that no matter what–it’s still going to be uncomfortable. That whole situation in general is uncomfortable. Be gentle, be safe, and avoid anything that is going to put stress on your body. Two weeks after I had Waylon, we moved and I regretted it for days afterward. My body suffered, especially that part of my body.

What about you? Do you have any tips on post labor pooing? I know it’s awkward for some of you to talk about it. Take heart in the fact that I don’t feel awkward. In fact, I think talking about poop is a complete gas (joke!). Also, if you ever need to feel less awkward about it, think about Paris Hilton pooping because she totally does it too! Everybody poops and almost every mom has survived a post labor poo. It’s a rite of passage. One that still leaves me with shivers up my spine.

Good luck.

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June 21, 2012

June: Eat A Plant Based Diet

June Goals

Eat A Plant Based Diet

June Fears

I love cheese.

This month I wanted to experiment with eating a plant based diet.

It’s nothing revolutionary, and before you start throwing stones over being faddish, remember that I am a self professed cheese addict who shamelessly eats hamburgers, Lunchables, and late night bowls of popcorn. None of that has changed.

My inspiration was pure curiosity. I have no glaring health issues to solve, nor am I particularly worried about dairy giving me cancer (the latest trend). I just wanted to see if something, anything, would happen.

To sum it up, being vegan is never going to happen for me. Vegetarian, maybe. But dairy? I love vegetables as much as the next girl, but salad after salad gets very old, especially without cheese.

I did make some good recipes though, despite my lackluster performance sticking to this diet. If I’m being really honest, I only ate strictly vegan foods for about a week. After that I still cut out meat but only limited dairy.

I lost five pounds.

Austin was on board at first, but has recently made a fuss about being hungry after meals. While we have always limited meat consumption for social and financial reasons, we were still carnivorous at least once a week and he’s been missing the beef. Fortunately for him, I’m ending this journey a little early this month as we’re leaving for vacation Friday where I most certainly will be eating crab legs. Please don’t take away my crab legs.

If you’re wondering, the reason I didn’t spill the beans earlier on June’s goal was because my biggest fear about eating a plant based diet was not actually giving up cheese, but becoming annoying. No one wants to be the girl always talking about how healthy she is. No one likes that girl, especially me.

What about you? Are you vegan? Vegetarian? Proudly carnivorous? Have you ever tried cutting anything out? Dish (and then bring me some wings).

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For More Info On The 2012 Project Click HERE

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October 14, 2011

Guest Post: What To Expect When Not Expecting

I am really excited to have one of my best friends as a guest contributor today. Katie is a incredible woman. She is smart, motivated, funny, and most of all–the kind of friend you can confess anything to. Which is why it broke my heart when after a year of trying, there was still no baby.

I asked her to answer a few questions today to talk about an issue that is often brushed under the rug. 7 million women struggle with infertility every year, and yet we don’t really talk about it. Partly because it’s awkward, but also because if you’re not one of those 7 million people–it’s hard to relate.

Here’s her story, maybe you have one too.

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1) When did you and Wendell realize there was a problem?
In general, most couples of our age and health should get pregnant within 6 months of trying.  It’s not really called “infertility” until after a year.  The 6 months in between there were hard because I was pretty sure something was wrong, but couldn’t really do anything about it since my doctor had told me to wait for a year.
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2) What was the first step?
I scheduled a consult with my obgyn after 11 months of trying. They did some simple testing on both of us and didn’t find anything significant. I had an HSG in which they also didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.
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3) Where did you go from there?
To a wonderful specialist.  (Seriously, I loved everyone who worked in that office, I cried a little at my last appointment.)  She suspected Endometriosis.  She also looked at the same pictures the other doctors did from the HSG and thought she saw a Uterine Septum. She performed laparoscopic surgery during which she found and removed both of those things.   After that, I began taking Clomid and started IUI.  We did that for 3 cycles, then oral meds combined with injectibles and IUI for a few cycles.  We started to talk about IVF.  We scheduled an appointment for orientation to learn more about IVF and start the process.  A few weeks before this orientation, we did one last round of IUI, this time with straight injectibles.
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4) Were any of the procedures/treatments physically painful?
Nothing was too terrible.  I’ve heard of people having horrible experiences with the HSG as well as with the surgery I had.  Fortunately for me, neither of them were a big deal.  There were lots of little uncomfortable things…I had blood drawn every time I went to their office (several times each month).  I had internal ultrasounds almost every time.  I had the IUI once a month which feels a lot like a pap smear.  I gave myself lots of shots.
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5) What was your official diagnosis?
Endometriosis- they removed this in the surgery, but it will come back.  They also discovered a Uterine Septum which doesn’t have anything to do with infertility, but can cause miscarriage so we were thankful they found it and took care of it.  This is a once and done thing.
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6) What was the hardest part about the whole process?
It’s hard to pick one thing.  The whole process just really sucked.  It’s a constant cycle of being hopeful, waiting impatiently, being disappointed again, being a little less hopeful each time.  It was really hard to wait 2 weeks each month to take a test.  It was also really hard to know that most of the friends and family who were supporting us couldn’t fully understand what we were going through.  It was hard to feel like everyone was constantly feeling sorry for me.  It was hard to see pregnant women everywhere I went, it was especially hard to see pregnant teenagers at my school.
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7) Tell us about the day you found out you were pregnant.
Best. Birthday. Ever.  My period was due on a Tuesday.  I had jumped the gun again and took one of my early-detection pregnancy tests on Sunday.  It, as usual, was negative.  I went to my nephew’s 2nd birthday party that day and drank lots of wine as I watched all the cute little children run around.  Tuesday came and went with no period which was strange because I was so regular, but I didn’t think much of it because the negative test had me 100% convinced I was not pregnant.  On Thursday morning (my birthday and my last day of work before summer), I decided to take a test before work mainly to confirm that I was not pregnant so I could enjoy some drinks when I went out to celebrate that night.  I peed on the stick and watched the one line pop up, then set it down and jumped in the shower.  When I got out of the shower, I glanced at it and almost fell over when I saw 2 lines.  I studied it thoroughly and took another test to be sure.  I smiled and cried and got ready for work as fast as I could.
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I had bought 2 cute kids books about daddies that I was planning to give to my husband to tell him when I was pregnant.  I drove to meet him at work and awkwardly talked to his dad and his brother for a while until they finally left.  Then, with a proud grin, I presented him with the 2 cardboard sticks that I had peed on.  Seriously?  The books were so cute, why in the world did I feel the need to put the pregnancy tests in my pocket to show him?  Did I think I needed proof?  Anyway, we hugged and kissed and cried and then I left.  I called the doctor and then I called Kate.  I was giddy all day at work and all evening when I went out with girls from work, but I couldn’t tell anyone why.  It took a while for the whole thing to really feel real.
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8) What advice can you give those who are still struggling with infertility?
Don’t keep it a secret.  It still seems like something people just don’t talk about.  We only told a few people at first, but after a while told most of our family and friends what we were going through.  Their love, support, and prayers were what got us through it all.
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Also, if you go to a specialist, find one you love.  You may end up spending a lot of time there and dealing with good people will make everything a little easier.  We got lucky with our first doctor, but if you go to one you don’t like or have a bad experience, find a different doctor!  If you leave near Chalfont, PA, I’d be happy to recommend one.
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9) I know you endured a few painful remarks from people trying to help. What do you have to say to those who know someone struggling with infertility?
This sounds cliche, but it’s true: the best thing you can do is listen and let them know you care.  I was fortunate to avoid some of the terrible comments that I read about in books.  But even some well-meaning comments can be hurtful.  Lots of people told me “you’re still young, you have lots of time.”  I smiled and agreed.  I wanted to say:  I am thankful for the fact that I have many fertile years left, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to be pregnant NOW.
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Some people tried to give helpful advice: eating a certain diet, reducing stress (impossible), standing on my head after sex, taking cough syrup (apparently it is not just for thinning the mucus in your head).  Again, this was all well-intentioned.  The problem was that I spent several months reading about fertility before we even started trying and I was already well-aware of most of the home-remedies.  This was hurtful to me at times because it implied that I hadn’t done my homework or that there was something I wasn’t doing right that was causing my infertility.  It would have been wonderful if Robotussin did the trick, but the reality is that there is something medically wrong with my reproductive system, which is why I was seeking the care of a specialist.
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That said, I was truly blessed by many friends and family who cared about us so much I could see them feeling our pain.  I got emails and texts and cards in the mail that just said “we’re still thinking about you and praying for you every day.”  What a gift!  I even got some wonderfully hilarious letters from a pregnant friend of mine who always included bits of encouragement for our reproductive organs (you guessed it–>the Motley-almost-mama).
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10) How is the pregnancy going? Any fears?
Pregnancy is great so far and has been relatively peaceful.  I have not worried nearly as much as I expected.  I won’t lie and say I haven’t complained about any symptoms, but having tried so hard and waited so long to finally be pregnant means worrying a lot less about things that don’t really matter.
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Katie is a behavior manager at an alternative school for junior high and high school students. Basically a school for kids who have been labeled “bad” and removed from public school for behavioral reasons. She is due in February.
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