In celebration of what some men might call “satan’s holiday” coming up tomorrow, I’m talking about man-ness today and what women really want in their partner.
Dating is tricky, and while there is no foolproof way to handle love, there is a way to say this is what I want and this is what I absolutely do not want. For example, I absolutely do not want someone I can walk all over. I don’t want someone who drinks too much or talks too loud. I also don’t want someone who can’t do my taxes. I really hate doing my taxes.
If you’re like me, you date the same kind of guy over and over until you realize you don’t actually like that kind of guy and start dating someone much quieter.
My top qualifications are not unique. In order of importance, they are: 1: Smart 2: Funny 3: Tall 4: Helpful 5: Assertive.
To be clear, this is what I want in a man, not what I think everyone should want in a man. I don’t believe in soulmates but I do believe in a good match. Everyone has their must-haves.
What do YOU want in a man? What’s most important?
***
PS: Just a quick nod to all the types of loving in this world. While I can only speak to heterosexual love, I want to acknowledge those women who are asking “what do you want in a woman?” I suspect my ideal woman would be a combination of these two woman. Their brains and brawn make my heart swell.
xo
I love your PS!
1) funny 2) can cook 3) reads 4) same background 5) can put up with my shopping habit
Love me a reader.
Had to laugh at the taxes. I so do not want to do my own taxes. Um. I want my man to be attractive inside and out. I know that sounds cliché, but that’s my juice.
I like your juice.
….
1) Calm 2) active 3) funny 4) great with kids 5) gets me
I realize 1 and 2 probably contradict each other. Calm personality but likes to be active out doors/ always moving.
Your P.S cracked me up, I should of seen that coming.
Calm + Active = gold
1) confident (but not in an overbearing way) 2.) funny 3.) considerate 4.) can cook
luckily for me my husband fits into these nicely! tall was always on my list, but he’s only 2 inches taller than me (i’m taller in heels)…but all other things considered the height doesn’t matter anymore.
totally agree that you keep dating the same ppl until something clicks…so true.
Confidence is sexy.
It’s funny because so many of the things that were important to me as a teenager when I dreamt about my ideal man, are no longer a big deal to me. And now that I am married and know more about my husband, I am so grateful that I got him… if you know what I mean. :) He is just plain down terrific!
I can’t believe I used to dream about marrying a blonde. I blame Disney.
Satan’s holiday! Give me chocolate!
I love a guy with a nice face, you know? I don’t care about biceps, but I do like a nice, super hot, face. They should also be pretty funny. Low maintenance? I married a hottie, and he’s funny. But he’s kind of high maintenance. I let it slide because, well, he gets shit done and I love him.
A nice face to look at is probably important.
Funny is a big one. Fo sure.
I read the Christmas letter.
Check.
1) God loving
2) Good looking
3) Same interests
4) Financially secure
5) Loves dogs
Taxes are terrible. I don’t do my taxes and I’m not married.
I used to date a lot of guys that I thought my PARENTS would like. It did not go well. Turns out, I hate when my boyfriend is obsessed with football and loves working on cars. No thanks! The best relationships I’ve been in have been with guys who love music and books and all the same tv shows I do. Thank GOD I figured this out before I almost married my high school boyfriend. Whew.
1: smart, 2: will (gently) tell me when I am being ridiculous, 3: shares responsibilities (parenting, cooking, cleaning), 4: loves good food, 5: will travel
While I know all relationships are different, I cringe every time I hear a friend or coworker talking about how their husband/partner refuses to cook, or clean, or change their baby’s diper, etc. For me, these things need to be a group effort! Advice for new couples: (literally) figure that shit out.
I hear you. It makes me shudder. GROUP effort indeed. Wife does not equal household servant. Oy.
Are you tall motley mama? That picture of you with your tall husband makes you look tall too. Now I must know.
Yes ma’am. 5’9
Just realized that picture makes me look enormo. Austin is well over six foot. 6’3? Weird camera angle.
Your line on “must haves” made me laugh b/c I ‘met’ my husband on e-harmony.com – back in the day when I didn’t feel I could tell anyone the whole story about how we met until we were engaged and everyone was sure he wasn’t a psycho-serial-killer-rapist. Anyway, e-harm has a whole section titled “must-haves” and “can’t stands” and its one of those weed out options where you can trash someone’s profile from your list of potentials if they answer incorrectly. That and a short-question/short answer option that includes such things as: Do you want to live in: 1) the city; 2) the countryside; 3) suburbia. Dudes answering three were expunged from list :-) I might be persuaded of ‘the countryside’s merits’, but my personal hell is a suburban one.
Why did Matt’s profile make the cut and not end up in my e-harm trash bin? His profile contained the following: 1) Favorite Book – “Through My Enemies Eyes”, which was an indictment on the war on Terror; 2) Most Influential Person in Life – the author of a book titled “Doing the Truth in Love”, about how following Christ meant living a life of sacrificial love in action. A politically active, liberal, analytical, thoughtful, Christian man – Sign me up!
It’s so true about starting to date the right kind of guys and what that looks like for you. Matt is an exceptional communicator, is exceptionally kind and forgiving (always looking for the best in people), and is rational without making those who aren’t *always* rational feel small. He’s sees my crazy, wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve and instead of making me feel silly, thinks it’s exceptional that I’m capable of so much passion and empathy. He’s a treasure. SO much so that it never occurred to me to ask my family what they thought of him when they all finally met. I assumed they were as much in love as I was.
Love!
I love how you shorted the site to E-harm. I wonder if people who it screwed over call it that on purpose. Like, ‘Wow, the guys I met on that site totally e-harmed me.”
That would be a good reference. To be clear, I went on many, many bad eharm dates before I met Matt. I was just about to quit online dating in favor of waltz lessons (and no, not for the ubiquitously awesome men in dance class, but in an embracing of permanent singledom), when Matt stumbled onto match list. Ironically, I was the second person in his que.
This line “If you’re like me, you date the same kind of guy over and over until you realize you don’t actually like that kind of guy and start dating someone much quieter.”
Exactly.
Required, but not sure the order of importance… 1. Modest 2. Decisive 3. Healthy (mind and body) 4. Eyes fit for getting lost in 5. Shared idea of family/future
Great list.
I hate typing on my phone so the only thing I’m going to say is that I LOVE doing our taxes. Seriously. Oh, and yay for your PS. :)
You are on your way to being my woman crush.
My must-haves:
1) smart – book smart and street smart. I hate it when I know more than a guy. It’s a turn off for me!
2) witty – it’s the only humor that makes me laugh!
3) ambitious – must have a drive to excel
4) broad shoulders
5) financially responsible – seen too many guys who are terrible with money management!
There are others but they fall into bonuses.
I’m nodding my head.
1) intelligent and informed
2) thoughtful
3) willing to be silly without fear of embarassment
4) team player
5) balances my strengths (and I balance his weaknesses)
I hit the jackpot. I am a lucky duck.
Love.
Oops… #5 was supposed to say “balances my weakneses.” My typo made it sound like I have NO weaknesses (ha!)
New reader here (I feel must always declare that first time posting…even though it’s unecessary, but just so you know:)
#1. Honesty-I won’t deal with liars, no matter how “small” the lie. It makes my skin crawl.
#2 Sense of humor (perferably dry, but slapstick always gets me)
#3. Smell. Not colonge or deodorant, but the smell of their skin, hair, etc. I saw an article in Psychology magazine a long time ago about how we are initially attracted to our partners by smell. They asked couples who had broken up a varieity of questions, and more time than not, there was a responose of “I can’t stand the way he/she smells”.
#4. Compassion.
#5. Confidence/Ambition.
Welcome!
Love the list.