Manifesto: a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.
My goal in life is to become Tina Fey and then slowly transition to Maggie Smith. I believe I can achieve this by doing three things: pursuing greatness, expecting surprise, and surrounding myself with the kind of people who snort laugh over absurdity but also know the value of impeccably delivered wit.
I will never be the kind of person who prioritizes a clean kitchen sink or an organized day planner. I only work hard at the things I really care about, like my marriage, my son, writing, and friendship. I wish the list included things like exercise, housework, and mod podge, but it doesn’t. And ever since Waylon was born, I’ve let that go. I’m never going to be my sister-in-law who plans her meals weeks ahead of time and doesn’t sit down during the day because that would be lazy. I’m never going to have a handmade quilt on my bed or a well kept garden in the backyard. Instead, I spend hours a day writing things no one will ever read. If that’s a waste of time, then I like wasting time. My mantra is let what you love be what you do.
When it comes to romance, I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t think there is one perfect person floating around in the universe just waiting to buy you diamonds and bring you breakfast in bed. I also don’t think marriage is synonymous with forever. I want it to be, but no marriage is fool-proof. Anyone is capable of anything, good and bad. If you’re wondering whether or not you should marry someone, consider how they chew their food. Can you live with that the rest of your life? If the answer is no, better not risk it.
As for religion, I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe if we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back and say a prayer of thanks. I do not believe in low fat cream cheese or speaking before 8am.
Regarding absolute truths, I’m mostly gray. Black and whites are rarely what they seem.
There are some things I fiercely oppose. Like capital punishment and bullying and the misuse of “your.” I also think swearing is stupid unless it’s funny and that brushing your teeth in front of someone else is just awful.
My greatest fear for my children is that they will peak in high school. Also, motorcycles.
I believe every person needs someone they can say absolutely anything to. Otherwise you’re bottling up a lot of repressed fart confessions and that’s just not good for digestion.
In general, I think we often confuse bad luck with bad choices. The truth of it is–we are exactly where we have chosen to be.
I refuse to be one of those people who blame age for ignorance. I also refuse to be one of those people who says things like, “We don’t eat dessert in our house.” Those people are the worst. As a rule, speaking your opinion is 99% less effective than living it. Agenda pushers, take a few deep breaths. I know you love breastfeeding and kale. I’ve heard you say it one million times.
We live in a universe of sickness, greed, inflated egos, hatred, and incredible suffering. On paper, I am a self professed skeptic, but the truth is–I believe we are capable of great kindness. History repeats itself with heroes, and that includes former bullies, cheaters, and thieves. We are all fighting the same battle. We are all connected through an invisible thread. All the cliches about love are mostly true. In its truest sense, love always wins in the end.