It was just a matter of time. I knew eventually this sweet baby boy would turn into a toddler who would throw his blocks, pull my hair, and dump his peas all over the floor. I knew that where baby ended, toddler began, and I dreaded it.
Now that it’s here, I don’t mind it at all. I love the independence. I love when I find him in a corner of the house, pouring over a pile of books, wearing one green boot, and making zebra sounds. I love how easily he laughs. I love how easily he loves me. It makes my heart explode.
I’ve talked about discipline before, and many of you asked about the logistics of putting a one year old in time-out. I’m here to tell you it’s not easy, but it’s also not that hard. We started around a year old and have stayed consistent. One minute in a child sized chair in the dining room. He can cry as much as he wants, but he may not get down until I come get him.
At first the whole thing was a bit comical. I’d set him down in the chair and he would giggle and clap his hands as Austin and I hid our smiles. But after a week or so, the novelty wore off and now the mention of time-out is often enough to stop him from playing with that dang DVD player (I still can’t find the DVD player remote). He did go through a period where he’d stand up in the chair or try to get down and play, but we quickly put an end to that by simply holding him down in the chair. It sounds worse than it was. Now he just cries until a minute is up and waits for me to pick him up.
You may ask if he understands what’s going on. I don’t know. I like to think so. There have been times when he’s sat in time-out for the same infraction, three times in a row, in a matter of ten minutes. That’s frustrating, but it’s also teaching us patience. He’s learning, that’s obvious, which makes us feel like we’re doing something right.
Other thoughts on time out:
+ We try to pick our battles. Not every misbehavior warrants “the chair.” Natural consequences are always our preference (Example: Dumping out all the bubbles after being told not to results in no more bubbles).
+ After the time-out is over, it’s over. When a minute is up, we briefly mention why time-out happened, but then go back to playing. It doesn’t need to be a drawn out process.
+ Time-out isn’t just for Waylon. I also use that minute to gather my wits and reset my mind to “calm” (doesn’t always work).
+ We’re learning. There are so many mixed messages when it comes to discipline. Theories upon theories, old ways pitted up against new ways. My philosophy is this: Know your child, trust your gut, and treat them with respect.
We’re not perfect, but we’re trying.
What are your tips and tricks for toddler time out?
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Time out has never worked for my kids. None of them ever stayed. I tried the whole Super Nanny thing….walked them back to the spot…over…and over…and over…I have THE MOST STUBBORN OFFSPRING EVER. And when there were other kids needing my attention, I couldn’t spend an hour walking one back and forth. (Hi, I’m getting all of mom’s attention for being naughty. I WIN!).
I guess that’s a long way of saying that I have no tips and tricks for toddler time out. I STILL struggle with all things discipline-related and often panic about the teen years.
what sound does a zebra make? please video waylon doing this for me so that I know.
I was wondering this too. In fact, I have a post forthcoming that addresses this very thing. I’m actually not kidding.
Clip clop, clip clop.
Time out on a chair or the steps never works for our kids. The other one takes pity and plays with the timed-out one. So we banish them to their room until they get over what’s ailing them. They hate it. But at least I don’t have to listen to any shrieks and wails.
Yeah, it would be harder with more than one. I think the room is a good idea!
I’m going to try the chair approach. We used a corner and its harder to keep her there. She used to cry when she went to time out (at 12 months) but now (18 months) she goes to time out by herself when ever I even mention it. She thinks its so funny. She pretends to be sad and then gets up twenty seconds later. I don’t want to use her bed as a punishment because she’s such a good sleeper and she loves going to bed. A chair is a good idea.
I’m not a mom yet, having my first in February. I’ve been thinking a lot about all kinds of things, with discipline being pretty up there. I have a 4 year old nephew from my husband’s brother who is a very willful child, and the history of said husband and brother doing awesome things like smashing bricks on heads, chasing kids with knives, and almost causing a first fire on purpose.
Thank goodness they’ve changed since then, but having a boy makes me think of those things and then “how am I supposed to teach him different??” Granted, their home life was “broken” (divorced parents, messed-up extended families. Seriously, we don’t associate with the paternal extenders AT ALL), and very different, so I have o remember that, but nature vs nurture still makes me nervous. What if, by expecting the “bad” behavior I facilitate it? and all that.
So anyway, this time-out post really gels with me. I’m also intellectually very much for natural consequences, but sometimes I also believe a time out is needed. I like your style, very much.
That should say forest fire. Thanks, auto-correct
Thanks Carissa. I think it’s one of the trickiest and most controversial parts of parenthood. And I hear you–the nature vs. nurture debate is always on my mind.
I am thinking about all this so much these days. Thank you for being willing to share what you are doing. I do not have any added advice but we are in thick of figuring out how we are going to handle all of this… I am way too easy on him most of the time.
I think it’s about time for the time-out’s to start in our house. Hopefully we’ll have some success, but I just can’t picture Taylor staying in one place for more than a few seconds. We shall see.
Sometimes my two year will put himself in time-out. It is the funniest thing. We call it going to the corner. I will ask him if he needs to go to the corner and he nods yes. The other day we read a book about someone being naughty and I asked him if he thought the character should go to the corner and he said yes, and promptly put himself there. We laughed and told him he wasn’t in trouble.
We are starting the “time in” with our daughter. She’s 15 months and won’t sit for more then 10 seconds in “the chair.” Like Waylon she laughs and giggles and kisses the chair. She will walk over to what we put her in timeout for (touching the HOT fireplace) shake her head no and go and sit in “the chair.” She thinks it’s a game.
The time in – we hold her gently on our lap for one minute and proceed like you would with your time out. These toddlers. They are amazing and crazy all at the same time:-)
I’ve read a lot about time-in! I think it’s a great concept.
These toddlers are crazy.
I might need to start employing some time out up in hurr. We haven’t done it yet, but I have held his arms down and gotten in his face and told him no when he’s naughty. He knows it. He scurries away in a corner looking at me when I come after him after he’s done something naughty. It’s hilarious and adorable. I mean, bad Parker!
It’s so hard not to laugh or smile. Every day I’m hiding my face, trying not to crack up at that naughty grin.
We started time outs around a year too, and I’ve been thankful and relieved at how effective they’ve been. The warning of time out does the job a lot of the time. Only difference is that our apartment is so small that Gray has to go into his crib for one minute, with all his stuffed animals and pacis taken out. I’m sure it won’t always be easy but I’m just very grateful that for now, it’s enough.
That’s great!
We also use time-out however we do not use a chair because what happens when your are at the store and your child needs a time-out? Therefore, we use the floor. ‘Sit down, hands together and count’ is all I have to say to put my kids in time-out. They sit down (yes, we had to teach them and hold them and etc… like you mentioned) criss-cross applesauce, place their folded hands in their lap and count to 10, or 20, or 100!! depending on their age. it works!
Great idea!
Re-post this one year from now for me, want to? :)
Ha ha I just pinned this for that very reason