We’ve talked about a lot of things here on the blog. We’ve talked about marriage and sex, breastfeeding and hemorrhoids, mornings and morning sickness. The funny part is that out of all of it, the thing you bring up most is the first post labor poo. Those posts are the most popular and almost every reader I meet brings it up within the first 5 minutes. You either thank me for talking about it (you’re welcome) or tell me I’ve scared you into never, ever having children (you’re welcome). It’s awesome.
Recently it’s come to my attention that despite talking about it multiple times, I’ve never actually talked about how to deal with that first post partum poo. I wish so desperately that someone would have warned me about that sucker. I wish even more that someone would have told me what to do to make it less painful.
I have talked to some of you who never had to deal with a difficult first post labor poo. For some reason or another, you were blessed with amazing bowels or a body that takes labor and delivery like a champ. My sincerest congratulations. You have dodged the bullet of all bullets. Now go sit in the corner and be quiet.
Two days after I came home from the birthing center with my new baby boy, I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer. It had been 6 days since anything had passed through my system and it was time. I waited until the baby fell asleep and quietly slipped into the bathroom. Austin wasn’t home so I gave myself a little mirror pep talk and took a few deep breaths. It was go time. Literally.
Exactly ten seconds later I was crying and bracing myself against the wall. Two minutes later I was on the phone with the OBGYN asking if it was possible for my vagina to fall out while trying to have a BM. The nurse was very kind and assured me I just needed to relax and maybe take a stool softener. A stool softener? Lady, I’ve taken 7. I hung up.
After a few more minutes of trying, bleeding, and quiet screams, the cause of all this angst started to cry from the other room. Panic washed over me as I realized I was really in no position to get up. I was in the middle of anal Armageddon for Pete’s sake. I waited a few minutes hoping he would fall back asleep, but his cries only escalated. I tried calling Baby Daddy who was painting a house a few miles away but he didn’t answer. I cursed him. I cursed him for not having to do any of the hard parts; labor, delivery, twelve stitches, and now this.
Finally I just faced the fact that this was happening. I picked myself up, waddled out to the baby, returned with him attached to my breast, and the experienced the worst 15 minutes of my life. Really. It was the worst.
A year later and this memory is the single largest barrier between me and baby number two. In retrospect, I should have done things a little differently but I didn’t know any better.
Save yourself.
Here are my five tips for surviving that first post labor poo:
1) Get medicated. IB profin, tucks pads, cooling creams, stool softeners, wine. Do it. Do it all.
2) Apply counter pressure. It was only after my first post labor poo that a friend told me to apply counter pressure. It was in a facebook message and I immediately started crying. Yes! Of course! Applying counter pressure in the front with a frozen pad makes it much easier to go in the back without worrying about anything ripping or falling out. (Tip: Soak a pamper and then put it in the freezer. Take out when you’re ready to use the bathroom).
3) Don’t do it alone. Wait until someone else is around before attempting the first labor poo. Moral support plus you won’t have to risk bringing the baby into a war zone.
4) Avoid cheese and anything else that will make your stool hard enough to cut glass. Fruit and veggies are your friend. Prune juice too if you can stomach it, though I’m pretty sure prune juice contains no prunes. Just dirty feet and garbage. Gross.
5) Go to the doctor if it doesn’t get better. Not to freak you non moms out, but my post labor poos didn’t get any easier. In fact, I shit glass for 6 weeks straight before I finally went to the doctor. As it turns out, I had nasty anal fissures as a result of a difficult delivery. Swallow your pride. If it still hurts after a week or so, you might need a prescription to poo in peace.
Now that you have all the secrets, I should probably tell you that no matter what–it’s still going to be uncomfortable. That whole situation in general is uncomfortable. Be gentle, be safe, and avoid anything that is going to put stress on your body. Two weeks after I had Waylon, we moved and I regretted it for days afterward. My body suffered, especially that part of my body.
What about you? Do you have any tips on post labor pooing? I know it’s awkward for some of you to talk about it. Take heart in the fact that I don’t feel awkward. In fact, I think talking about poop is a complete gas (joke!). Also, if you ever need to feel less awkward about it, think about Paris Hilton pooping because she totally does it too! Everybody poops and almost every mom has survived a post labor poo. It’s a rite of passage. One that still leaves me with shivers up my spine.
Good luck.
***
I know you told me to sit in the corner and be quiet…I almost listened, but I couldn’t help it. I’m pretty sure you were talking about me as your friend “with amazing bowels”-thank you. I was thankful for the warning (one I’d never heard from anyone besides you), but you had me absolutely terrified of pooping after baby. And I just have to say that after 20+ hours of labor, almost 3 hours of pushing, a tear, and some stitches…pooping certainly wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t that bad either (for me). I remember proudly announcing to my mom “I just pooped and it didn’t hurt!! Kate said it would hurt!”. I was SO excited. I promise I’m not gloating, it’s not like you or I had any control over the level of pooping pain. I am just sharing to give your non-mom readers a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, it won’t hurt that bad.
You and a few others.
Your experience is my hope for next time.
I was pooping razorblades and waddling with my pants between my legs to the open window with my screaming colic baby to yell down at my husband who was chatting with the neighbors to please for the love of God HELP ME I’M DYING. It is funny to talk about now, sure. But I’m still haunted too. I literally literally thought something was very very wrong. I too called my midwives and forced them to let me come in so they could check me out.
If we could all only be so blessed as Katie.
Next baby I’m eating fruit & veggies, stool softener and water and that is it until go time.
Right? I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN…especially with two kids.
I pooped while I was still in the hospital and I told everyone who walked in my room that I! JUST! POOPED! It is something to be celebrated if it happens relatively easily. Here’s to your next post-child poo being something to celebrate (whenever that happens)!
Please god yes.
i think i’ve suppressed this memory. thanks for helping me dig up and re-live the pain. (when i read the word “waddling” it all came back to me. ohhh the painful waddle.) it is just so so horrible. you are a champ for spreading the word to all moms to be.
Shivers, so many shivers up my spine.
I just have to say… I adore you because you are willing to talk about this… I am totally forwarding it to my baby sister who is about to have her first baby. I agree with you… it so helps to be informed because otherwise you are confident you are dying and omg! No one on earth must have this problem. I think too that women don’t help themselves with the celebratory eating after the labor and delivery… bring me a milkshake and a burger and ice cream… and I’m starved and eating all the junk food in sight!!! :) I mean, we do deserve to celebrate but I think fruit and veggies until after the horrible first time would be a huge help…
Also, if you do too much too fast, it just will go badly… in many different areas. One last tip, I don’t care what you have to sit on in order to be comfortable in that area, but do it!! Who cares if people visiting you think its odd… if they have every had a baby, they will understand!
Girl, I didn’t sit on a hard surface for weeks. FOR WEEKS. Ouch.
I don’t remember my first poops after my vaginal births, so I suppose they were uneventful. However, the first poop after my c-section was the scariest thing ever. I mean, they won’t discharge you from the hospital until you fart. Just fart. That’s it. If farting is a big deal to the nurses, imagine the poop.
Hi Kim – I don’t know you but I have to say I LOVE your comment. I had c-section #2 about 5 weeks ago and you are soo right! When the nurse came in one morning I proudly said “I had a bowel movement last night.” (and yes, it was scary – thought I was going to rip my incision open!) My husband who was sleeping on the “couch bed” rolled over after she left & said “Who knew taking a crap would be so exciting.” For a few days after that he asked me if I had any bowel movement updates whenever he returned. But a note about the farting – I had to be on the light/bland diet for 3 days because I didn’t fart! I didn’t feel like I had to!! There was no gas to pass! It was rather annoying – I was very tempted to lie, but I didn’t!
Now terrified of c-sections.
Not that I wasn’t already before.
You ladies are brave. Warriors.
This is timely for me, since I’m due any day now. This is one of the things I’m hoping goes better second time around. My plan is to drink more water than seems humanly possible and also some prune juice. Here’s to hoping!
GOOD LUCK.
Perfect timing- I’m due in 2 weeks! My first poo after baby #1 wasn’t fun, but not quite as traumatic as yours (it took me 6 days too). What got me through? Not prune juice, but dried prunes. They helped a lot! I’m going to start eating some as soon as the baby is out!
I wonder if raisins work just as well? I love me some raisins.
Wow, just……wow. Sharing (as you say) is caring. And it took a lot of care to share that. I know others will be happy to know the truth.
I fall under the “not as bad as I thought it would be” category (sorry). I had worked myself up into such a tizzy that I thought it was going to be awful, but then it wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t great, but after reading your story it sounds like I pooped a bless-ed fairy in comparison.
If I could add some tips (maybe they helped me???)
Apple juice works similarly to prune juice but tastes better (atleast, that’s what I’ve found)
Probiotics. In large doses will assist cleaning you out and hopefully soften you up.
Natural Calms is a magnesium supplement and helps as well.
You’ve saved lives, Kate.
Apple juice works just as well? For the love.
I will now be requiring gallons of apple juice, post second baby.
After my first post labor poo, I realized why some people only have one child.
My tip: Adopt.
(seriously, 5 years later and I’m still recovering from “anal armageddon”)
Most terrifying post ever.
Like, ever.
I’m never having kids.
You’re my hero. I’m totally bookmarking this for when I have kids.
I’ve done this 5 times now. I’d like to say it gets easier.
I’d really like to say that.
Oh no.
I was always really sad that I had to go through TWO full days of labor only to have an emergency c-secton….now I am grateful! This may be one of the only positive aspects of having a c-section, when I had to poop- I was still on morphine :)
I guess they won’t willingly hand over morphine just for the pooping part? Because that would be amazing.
Read this while pooping. What did people on toilets do before iPhones?
Best comment ever.
My first post-partum poop “wasn’t that bad”, but like you, we moved two weeks after our son was born and well, that was stressful. And it also took its toll on my body, down there. Everywhere down there. As a result, I couldn’t poop for one week.
But there’s more.
In the house we moved into, the toilet didn’t work for number 2′s. Eventually we figured that our landlord wasn’t going to fix it, so before my husband fixed it himself there was 4 days that we had to find other places to go number 2. I was getting more and more desperate as the days passed.
My mother even gave me two enemas. Still, nothing.
Finally, the day my husband fixed the toilet, I took a powerful laxative.
It was everything you described your first poo to be. I felt that it was worse than giving birth. (and I had no epidural)
Then I got a vaginal infection from who knows what and was sore for 3 months. I kid you not.
My son is one year old, and I’m thinking he might be an only lonely. At least until I can forget that pain.
Oh Melissa.
I have no words.
First poop after baby, its what I warn everyone about. I was so glad my mom was at the store so I wasn’t embarrased to scream. My poor husband thought I was dying. I wasn’t even trying to push, its like my body took over and I had no choice. My husband still talks about how horrified he was when he had to plunge the toilet. I thought I had ripped out all of my stitches.
The stitches! The worst part.
Which is why the counter pressure tip made me cry. OF COURSE. Much better (kind of).
Baby number one was absolutely terrible resulting in a fissure, second baby went much better. My advice to those anticipating this, do NOT put off “going”. I mean, the longer you wait (because you are scared) the worse it is.
Good advice!!
I waited too long. Much too long.
I have to second this one. I waited much too long after #1. I made sure to go IN THE HOSPITAL with #2 and had no problems. The longer you wait the worse it’s gonna be.
First poo after baby #1: I don’t know how many days it took, but long enough for me to have fecal impaction. This is when your poop turns to stone and has to be…erm…manually chipped away…like with a jackhammer or something. (Kidding…about the jackhammer.) With baby #2, I chugged the stool softeners and laxatives the second they put them on my bedside table and never had any issues. Also, I had no tearing the second time, so maybe that helped more than the stool softeners.
Fecal impaction? That sounds…really, really, really bad.
I’m so sorry.
Uh, I refuse to tear next time. I just refuse. So maybe that will help.
My nom the nurse has prescribed me Magnesium for times in the past to help with poop issues. Just FYI for you guys. I mean because I obviously will not be birthing anything. Ever.
hahaha Debbie. I DON’T BELIEVE YOU. (good luck)
These comments are TERRIFYING.
Right?? Fecal impaction? Enemas? Plungers?
Love the honesty. Do not love the possibility of this happening to me.
I think I must have blocked this part of childbirth out. Seriously. I don’t remember that. I remember excruciating breast things, but nevermind.
Ugh. Breasts.
Just found your blog, and wow. Love the honesty! My son is 9 months old and I have been waiting and waiting AND WAITING for someone who has experienced the same thing I did. I’m terrified of Baby #2.
Terrified.
This made me laugh because, yea, to all of it. The bathroom was my enemy for a couple of weeks. So horrible.
It took me a while to comment because I had to work up the bravery to remember the night my husband came home and I had an ice pack wedged in my butt and I was crying from the hemmroid pain. This is the first memory that pops into my mind when I think of baby number 2. I mean, how many butt icing moments can a marriage survive?
I AM LAUGHING. But really, wow.
Marriage can only take so many butt icing moments, you’re right. I think it’s directly proportionate to how many times you push a baby out of your body.
So – I read this post at some point, I can’t remember when, and it was ringing in my ears last week while I laid in the hospital bed post delivery prairie doggin’ it (lol) and feeling so afraid that I knew I had to go SO SOON. BUT KATE SAID THIS WAS THE WORST PART. It’s going to be WWIII. I had myself braced – medicine, had taken a few stool softeners, ice packs, etc. But I was so horrified. I looked at Sean ominously and said, “I have to do it. I can’t hold it in anymore. It’s time.”
Lo and behold, while it was definitely different than regular poos and more stressful, it wasn’t all that bad. I came out and was like, “I DID IT! IT WASN’T SO BAD!” I’m only telling you this to thank you for sharing your experience and bracing me for what I didn’t even think about. I think it prepared me for the worst and then made the real thing not so bad for me.
Hooray!
I totally just stumbled across your blog today and I am SO GLAD I did. No one every talks about this stuff, and you put it into words perfectly – two to be exact – “anal armageddon”. I am still LOL’ing at this and the fact that I can makes me want to kiss you, as this memory is still scorched at the back of my mind and my reasons for nightmares at night. All that being said, as much I want to press that FB like button at the bottom of this post, I am not quite ready to share my story with the world or open the topic up for conversation like you were – so thanks for being so brave! :) DEFINITELY found a new reader in me!
Welcome!