I’ve talked a lot about sleep; about co-sleeping and breastfeeding and Montessori beds. I’ve been honest about my doubts and happy about our choices. Together, as a family, we’ve learned and grown.
I knew it was time for Waylon to stop night-nursing a few weeks ago when he began waking often and sleeping poorly. It was a hard truth to swallow. I’ve been enjoying c0-sleeping, but the twilight breastfeeding was becoming a burden, disrupting our sleep, and making both of us cranky during the day. The deal was sealed when I took the baby away this weekend on a trip he shouldn’t have been on just because I couldn’t leave him overnight. The point was further made on Sunday night when he woke at least a dozen times, tossing and turning and kicking me in the stomach. That night something clicked in my brain, something that said: IT’S TIME.
For months I’ve researched different sleep training methods and talked to a lot of moms about their successes and failures. What I learned was that every baby is different; what works for one child will not work for another. For a while I considered doing the “crying in arms” approach, but dismissed it after realizing Waylon is a strong boy and would never allow me to hold him while he cried out of frustration. I also considered sleeping in his room with him so he wouldn’t feel scared or alone, but decided against that too–worrying it would be like dangling a steak in front of a hungry dinosaur. I settled on the teachings taught in the book Sleeping Through The Night, which is basically an updated Ferber method.
I’ll be honest, all day long I had a pit in my stomach the size of Texas about our new arrangement. I dreaded the night and longed for tomorrow. I didn’t want to hear my baby cry. I even talked myself out of it a few times, but when I thought about another night of battling the nursing monster, I knew I couldn’t do that either.
When it was finally time to start, I sent out a dozen or so SOS texts for back up because I knew I would need help; reassurance that this is a good thing and to be held accountable to follow through. Everyone responded promptly, two even came over and brought beer. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you.
Here is what last night looked like:
6:30pm: Bath (High needs babies are often stimulated by baths so we don’t ever do it right before bed because he’s very awake and excited after).
7:30pm: Oatmeal and yogurt (to make sure his belly is full)
8:00pm: Diapered, pajamaed, and in his room for stories, songs, nursing, and cuddles.
8:30pm: Lights out, put in pack n’ play awake.
8:31: Utter despair.
I’m not going to lie, he cried a lot. The first 30 minutes was the worst. He screamed so loud I was sure the neighbors could hear. A few times my eyes filled with tears, and yet I never felt like he was scared or traumatized. He just wanted to nurse, as he’d been conditioned to do.
Most of last night is a blur, but I think his total crying time was probably around 3 hours. 45 minutes to fall asleep the first time, and then up multiple times between 12:30 and 3:30 to cry for at least 20 minutes each time. As instructed, I checked on him after 5 minutes, after 10 minutes, and then after 20 minutes. I never picked him up, just simply reassured him by repeating “I love you” and “It’s time for sleep.” I also helped him to lie down again and patted his back.
After the final bout of exhausted crying ending around 3:30, he slept until 7:50am. 7:50! My boobs were the size of watermelons and my heart was full of pride for my big boy.
Surviving night one gives me hope about night two and night three. It gives me hope that someday we’ll all be sleeping through the night and he’ll be back in his floor bed sleeping soundly. It gives me hope for early morning family bed cuddles without the expectation to nurse. It gives me hope for change.
Continue to —–> Night Two
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Rockstar Mama.
This is exactly how Gracelyn’s first night of sleep training went…the next two were similar with tiny improvements. I was so worried that she would be mad at me in the morning for what I put her through, but always felt encouraged when she forgave me with open arms (and mouth). It made me feel like I could be a successful parent. All throughout their lives, we as parents, will have to do things that are painful at the time, but for the long term benefit. Even though this is hard now, in the long term you are teaching him a valuable skill. Way to go.
Good job!!! That sounds exactly like how it should go. For a few weeks after Olivia was sleep trained I had very vivid dreams. It was like my brain was asking. “What is this full night of sleep you speak of?”
Good job Mama! And it always makes it easier when you have support. And this too will pass and you both will come out stronger :)
Way to go, Waylon! I’m curious. Did you explain to him ahead of time how things would be different tonight, or do you feel like he wouldn’t have understood and it wouldn’t make a difference?
we had to RE-train Isla June when she was around 15 months. It wasn’t fun, but it was neccessary. Like you, we were all grumpy the next day when she wasn’t sleeping. That sealed it for me because it meant that we couldn’t keep going like that. It was over in a couple of days.
Maybe some of this is the pack and play transition if he isn’t used to it? He’ll get there.
good luck.
I’ve been trying to work with my 4 month old as well. Not really sleep training because I feel he is too young, but I’m trying to help him form good sleep habits because he has slept on my chest since the day he was born! HELP ME! Last night was tough because he kept waking every hour and a half…why me?!?! I swear your posts come at the perfect time! Good luck to you…Waylon is an absolute doll…btw :)
We did this approach with Brennan and night 1 is always the worst. By night 3, I was doing a victory dance when he fell asleep 5 minutes after being in his crib. Now he hates our bed and prefers his!! good luck!
you can bet i’m reading this and digesting every word. i don’t know that i’m to desperation yet but i think something needs to change up in this place and soon!
keep drinking the beer! (those are nice friends to bring it over.)
night one: done. nights two and three will be less hard. right?! RIGHT.
I ate my ice cream cone last night and thought of you (and Waylon and Austin) and wished you well. Hope the nights get better and better.
It’s going to happen! You’ll know he’s old enough now bc it will happen fast! Just don’t go on vacation for the next month, okay? Otherwise you’ll have to totally re-train.
To an REM cycle! *clink*
When the twins were out of their cribs but battling the little beds I took everything out of the room, turned the doorknob lock around and let them scream. They couldn’t hurt themselves on anything and eventually fell asleep either on the beds or on the floor. They got it quickly and eventually stopped even touching the door. You are a rockstar and doing great! So proud of you. Any advice for how to get Noah to stop being afraid that our cat is plotting to kill him? I’m sadly not kidding. That’s the fun stuff when they are seven.
I’m not gonna lie – this sounds so scary.
I slept with my daughter for nine months until it stopped helping (just like you described). Three nights of training and she was an all-night sleeper. Keep up the good work. It’s worth the effort.
Oy, i hate sleep training maybe more than i hated labor. Gray got falling asleep on his own lickity split but he held onto the middle of the night wakings like his life depended on it (simulatenously convincing me that maybe it did).
You’re a strong mama and you and Waylon will both be better off on the other side. In the meantime, keep the beers nearby. I also recommend 30 Rock as a distraction for the middle of the night cries :)
He looks like such a big kid in that last picture. What a sweet boy.
When Mark got home from work, he asked Sam, “What did you do today?” and he said, “I see Kate”. Haha!
Above commenter is Bec (I’m such you could figure that out though…)
I’m going to say something radical: we followed sleeping through the night from month 3. And James adjusted amazingly well and has been a champion sleeper since. It’s not for every baby or family but it was necessary and worked for us.
(shudder) Your post brought all that back. My kids are in school now and I had blocked out those bad nights. I helped my babies sleep the same way you did – it felt loving and firm and it worked too. BUT OMIGOSH IT WAS HARD. Hoping every night is better for you and the odd night doesn’t rock your boat.
Are you putting off that haircut?
Such a brave Mama… good for you!!
Praying that each night gets better for you and Waylon.
While I haven’t nursed for almost a year, I still fight a two hour bedtime battle and have a toddler crying his way into my bed between 1 and 5 am each morning. I have been adoiving this subject for way too long! Would you recommend the book you read?
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Man, I’m trying to sleep train my daughter. We were making progress, until I got sick and couldn’t pry myself out of bed to rock her back to sleep. She sleeps in the room with us, and the only other room would be the living room or my son’s room, where her crying could wake him up. She’s persistent. She’s 8 months old and I need to wean her too. Good luck!
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