I used to be annoyed at Pinterest for waiting until after I got married to surface. Sure I had a great wedding day and everything, but when I looked at all the creative ideas out there that I could have used on my “unique” day–I was a little jealous. Now I’m over it. Now I realize it probably would have made things much more complicated and not that much more unique since it is already all over the Internet anyway.
Gender reveal parties also waited to surface until it was too late. The first time I heard about the whole cutting-the-cake-and-seeing-what-color-icing’s-inside, I was 9 months pregnant and a bit of a sourpuss about missing out. Now I’m not so sure.
A few months ago during a weekend getaway with some women friends, gender reveal parties were brought up in conversation and, much to my surprise, met with some looks of disgust. One of my friends was particularly annoyed, noting that it was just another self-involved way to get gifts.
This article in The New Yorker tends to agree. The author notes, “These parties seem to marry the oversharing of Facebook and Instagram with the contrived ceremonies that modern people in search of meaning impose on normal life events: food journaling, birthday parties for grownups, workout diaries, birth-experience planning. {….} couples take a private moment made possible by science and oblige others to join in, with the result—as in so many invented rituals of our day—that the focus turns from where it ought to be (in this case, the baby) to the self.”
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What about you? Love the idea? Hate it? Have you been to a gender reveal party? Would you ever have one? Dish.
I think you’ve got it right. Just have a low-key fun time. Doesn’t have to be over the top – no gifts have to be involved. I am kind of tired of all the pink balloons coming out of boxes pictures like the one above – but to each their own.
Whoever it was who first did that balloon shot/idea–kudos. It’s pretty great. Now…maybe a little overdone. I want to love it.
Catered? 200 guests? What the world! Ridiculous.
I like small/homemade parties. But you probably already guessed that.
What the world is right. I don’t think that’s the norm….right?
I think most would agree that small/homemade is best.
I totally agree with you… these kind of things can go over the top really fast but I always love an excuse to celebrate life and babies and friends, which is exactly what was happening in the video above. I love it! Sometimes when I see the elaborate parties, I cant help but wonder why they are being created… to look good on a blog…to outdo the other person… to recreate Pinterest at home… often the best parties are the ones with paper plates and bought cupcakes… and love.
Amen.
paper plates and bought cupcakes…and love. yup–with you all the way there.
I loved the way Bethany and Jared did it! Personally, I would want to share that special moment with just my husband before I shared it with everyone else. But the surprise is fun for everyone else!
I think if I was going to do this–I would like to know first, too—and have it be a surprise for everyone else.
get rid of the pink or blue being the indicator of gender, and i might be ok with it. marc’s favorite color is pink. later, i am going to get him a pink thermos for school. i worried about it for a bit (if other kids would say hurtful things), but realized that i’m doing exactly what i disagree with, which it putting certain things in the boy box and certain things in the girl box, something i have disagreed with preconception. to start my kid’s life off with pictures of who he or she is by color code makes me want to vomit, if I can be so frank. eventually, he/she will look at those pictures as his/her introduction to the world. and that’s not the intro i’d want for my kids.
Is it still uncool for boys to like pink? That’s so 90s. Austin’s pink shorts/shirts/ties are some of my favorites.
well, i’ve heard boys tell marc that pink is a girl’s color….but whatever.
I know someone who did a big, catered party. And initially my reaction was that it wasn’t for me, but if it made her happy to go for it. And then I watched the video of the big reveal (she and her husband didn’t know before cutting the cake), and saw her face fall when the gender wasn’t what she expected and wanted. I can’t imagine putting myself in a situation where the whole world got to see that my baby wasn’t what I wanted. Yikes.
Andrea, I’ve seen this happen too. The public “face fall” is so awkward.
I feel awkward just reading this comment. GENDER PARTY FAIL.
We don’t know what we’re having, so here’s my plan: have the gender reveal party AFTER birth. A LITERAL gender reveal. We’ll invite everyone to the hospital, give a big “Ta da!” and rip the diaper right off of that sucker. Penis? Vag? Come to room 302 and find out!
Too much?
Now that’s a reveal.
That video made me cry. Tears, snot, and all. It’s absolutely perfect. So simple and sweet.
I cry every time.
Definitely not too much. One might even say, perfect.
I have been TTC for what seems like eternity now, so I’ve got all these grand plans in my head. I want to do a gender reveal at the shower! This way it’s just one party, one gift, and a neat surprise for the guests.
Fun surprise!
Ah! Girl! I love everything about this.
Waylon is outnumbered. Help us out?
I’m on the fence. My family does a lot of celebrating, so I think they would have been really excited to do a gender reveal party (if she’d ever shown us the goods). But I also think it’s more than a little over done at this point.
I think it can be very sweet and fun if it is low key and the guest list is intimate with close family and maybe a few close friends. Much more than that and I kind of start rolling my eyes because, “What makes you think everyone cares so much about the sex of your baby?” That sounds kind of harsh…but I’m talking the huge parties with extended family members and friends you haven’t seen in two years. No. Kind of like the 2 page letters sent out in Christmas cards about every.single.little.thing that happened to your family that year. Maybe I have the wrong attitude. ;)
When I first started seeing them I thought “oh how fun! damn I missed out!” and then my mom and I were talking and she had the same “this generation is full of itself” reaction to it and I started thinking differently about it. i think if I were going to do one i’d maybe do it in conjunction with the baby shower,i think that would be perfect and not make people feel obligated to buy, yet, another gift. i also just think sharing it with a few friends and cupcakes seems special and perfect too ;-)
I love it! I definitely teared up. For myself, I like the idea of incorporating the reveal into an already planned event like your friends did.
Hi Kate, I just found your blog last week and you had me at the “actors read yelp reviews” youtube video. We were those weird people who didn’t find out the gender of either of our babies, so no reveal parties here, but seriously, what’s wrong with having a reason to eat cake?
I enjoyed your post yesterday but because I have an almost 3 year old and an 11 week old, I had no time to comment. I wanted to chime in and say that of course every child is different when it comes to hitting the “holy hell what have i done” stage. My son has always been and still is a horrible sleeper, but we were lucky in that the behavior issues didn’t start until around 2 and a few months. The month or so before I had baby boy #2, #1 began to undergo a personality change, and now, a month before turning 3, we are in some serious, serious trenches. I’ve stayed home since #1 was born and despite days when I had to hold my eyes open, I never had the “I want to go to work” feeling. Staying home with two–one infant and one hell raiser–has made for quite a few tearful breakdowns. But as always, these little beings have a way of making you feel like this is the hardest but also the “most” time of your life. Most challenging, most special, most boring, most exciting. You know the drill, I can tell!
Doing a gender reveal by having cupcakes after your friends help you move? Very sweet. Doing a gener reveal by having a huge party or some other highly contrived event? The opposite of that.
I totally agree with the commenter who asked why these are all the rage right now. Blogging/pinterest/FB fodder? Probably.
Love this: “I love a reason to celebrate, a reason to dress up or eat a cupcake or enjoy time with family and friends. I love balloons and parties and surprises. I love to celebrate babies!”
It made me think about how there are so many women out there who would give their right arm to have any baby (boy or girl). The miracle of life is most definitely a reason to celebrate and be surrounded by loved ones.
I’m planning to have a gender reveal shower. It was not my idea, but my best friend’s. She was upset that this one older lady at our church “stole” my wedding shower and now also my baby shower, so she wants to throw my gender reveal shower. It’s going to be small, no gifts, just cake and surprise! Cupcake is a girl/boy!
Aww Kate. Thanks. (Tears.)
Also, I didn’t know that people received gifts at these things. Next time, Imma send out invitations!
hahaha…you totally should B.
Not to be a Debbie-Downer, but I have had a stillbirth and a miscarriage. I am now pregnant with twins. The thought of a baby shower, let alone a gender reveal party, makes me want to shart in my shorts.
For me, and I know many women (and most other cultures), having any sort of shower or party to celebrate the pregnancy/babies is being very presumptuous and making assumptions that everything is going to go well (baby showers are usually held after the babies are born). And yes, I was one of those who just assumed that I would not be that woman. Until it happened.
The thing is so many women have their parties very soon after their doctor’s appointment. My biggest fear would be to send out invites, get ready for this party, and then go to the Dr, only to find out that something has gone terribly wrong. How do you handle the guests? The decorations that are already set up? I know that this will probably not happen to most women who have these parties, but I do not want to be that one that it does happen to.
I’d rather just sit with my friends in my cozy-strechy-Sunday-comfy pants and eat cupcakes instead. I don’t need an excuse to do that. Ever.
Someone I know planed on having a gender reveal party – the first one I’d heard of in “real life”, you know, outside of Pinterest. A week before the party, she sent out an email saying they were going to have to postpone the party. No explanation was given and left us all wondering what was going on. A month or two of pregnancy complications followed and then she had a miscarriage.
As a result, I think Rachel is completely right – any sort of baby shower is very presumptuous. I’ve actually never heard of a baby shower after the baby is born, but it makes the most sense.
Erin never fails to shock me. And make me laugh hysterically.
Eh, no thanks. Maybe I’m just a party pooper, but I really don’t like planning parties at all. And when I’m pregnant next, trying to balance that and raising a toddler? No thanks. I’ll go if I’m invited to one but I won’t plan one for myself.
Giving a phone call or posting on Facebook works for me.
I had a gender reveal party and I loved it. My sister planned it for me, and my husband and I were suprised with everyone else. I wouldn’t have done it any other way, and I plan on having a gender reveal party for my best friend who just recently found out she was pregnant. What better way to celebrate finally no longer calling that little miracle you created an “it”! It has a gender and it’s amazing to celebrate with close friends and family. I agree it should be small and quaint. At my party was Dr. Suessed themed so accordingly everyone brought a Dr. Suess book. Now my daughter has quite the collection. I had a whole lot of fun and I have many ideas for my friends party. So to answer the question of “Gender Reveal Parties?” I vote yes.
okay so i’m late to the convo here, but i have SOOOO much to say on this topic. i’ve had 3 surprises and 2 who’s gender was found out before birth. hands down–waiting until birth is the way to go. i understand the reasoning behind finding out the gender at 20 weeks–like i said i’ve done it myself. and the little low key cupcake party was cute. but nothing beats the gender surprise. one of the last true surprises in the world.
i read pieces of this post and the article you linked to my husband, and we had an interesting discussion. in our eyes– basically the moment of birth is when we’re “supposed” to find out the gender. and at that moment when they put that slimey little miracle in your arms you don’t care if it’s boy or girl–it’s your baby. “gender disappointment” is harder to label when the baby is laying in your arms staring up in your eyes. had your heart set on a girl? when you look down at your SON for the first time–possibly before you even realize he’s a “he”, that longing for a daughter seems to feel a little less important.
laying on your back in a clinical setting being told “it’s a ….” distinctly lacks the drama and excitement of the “at-birth” announcement.
so–like many things in this technology saturated world–we attempt to go back to the natural order of things, but without admitting it. we have to drum up the drama and suspense by “gender reveal parties” and balloons and cakes and nonsense. the hubs made me laugh when he likened the “opening” of the cupcake to the proverbial opening of a new baby’s legs. our deep-seated need to “take a peek” and learn gender. ;) hehehe
thanks for the interesting article.
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