I am at the grocery store for my weekly battle with the cookie aisle when I see her. She is shorter than me, blonde, and wearing shiny athletic shorts. There are two boys with her, around four and six years old. One is crying and pulling at his groin and the other is skipping ahead, knocking over cereal boxes and wielding a plastic wand. Despite her organized grocery list, she looks like she needs a drink.
As she moves on from what I call zone one (produce), I linger. Austin is working from home (if watching the Olympics is called working) which means I am baby free, entitling me to at least 15 minutes of browsing Twitter and Facebook in the luxury of air conditioning and quiet. It’s kind of like vacation.
When I finally get to the check out line, she pulls in behind me with a full cart. I notice it’s mostly health food until I spy one carton of dark chocolate ice cream. I want to give her a fist bump.
I turn to place my things on the belt, but there is a problem with the customer in front of me, something about expired coupons, and so I stand and pretend to flip through a magazine I’ve already read while observing the noise behind me. Mom is too busy to notice me watching her though, both boys are jumping up and down and asking for a quarter. She repeats settle down, please settle down right now 100 times in the same monotone voice until their voices escalate. GIVE US A QUARTER PLEASE MAY WE HAVE A QUARTER MOM WE WILL BE GOOD PLEASE I WON’T RUN IN THE PARKING LOT MOM PLEASE.
I am horrified.
Not because of their behavior, that’s normal, but because I fear toddlers and misbehaving boys worse than post birth hemorrhoids. I want to ask her how she’s doing it, but I’m afraid she won’t be able to hear me.
Eventually the man in front of me threatens to take everything back unless he gets his discount. I hear mom sigh behind me and start bargaining. She says, “If you two promise to behave, you may have a quarter. But you must be quiet and you must share!” They are promising and nodding and jumping up and down in their matching rain boots. YES MOM PLEASE THANK YOU MOM I LOVE YOU MOM! The younger one looks like he might have an asthma attack. I try not to stare.
When they run away, we exchange smiles and I ask quietly, “Is it hard, with two?” She just laughs and says she takes it one day at a time, it’s the best she can do.
I nod and say “You’re doing a great job.”
Almost immediately her eyes fill with tears and I look away, embarrassed. She doesn’t know I’m just paying it forward.
*
Earlier today I was having a really rotten day. The baby was whining and screaming, throwing food on the floor and ripping pages out of my favorite books. When I finally got him to bed, tear stained and head soaked with a teething-induced fever, I collapsed on the couch wondering how I was going to make it until bedtime.
That’s when friend called to catch up. I ignored the call, quickly texting to assure her that I’d love to talk when I get my wits about me.
A few minutes passed and then she wrote back saying she’d be praying for me, that she hopes my day gets better soon, and that I’m a great mom. My heart swelled.
That’s all it takes, doesn’t it? When the days get long, when your heart gets weary, when you step on one too many refrigerator magnets and have to hold in the swear of all swears. One simple line: You’re doing a great job.
And so I’m here to tell you, no matter what kind of day you’re having–you’re doing a great job too. Pay it forward.
***
You rock, I bet that mom wanted to hug you.
*fistbump* and passes the kleenex. We all have those days.
Amen sister. A stranger has made my day more than once just by saying hello or holding the door open. I try to do the same. Thank you for sharing how such a simple jester or sentence can make someone’s day.
i love this. its so true that just one little phrase can make a huge difference.
You are exactly right. Exactly.
Sniff sniff.
I needed that today. Thanks:)
You are amazing… I want to pass out more encouragements to moms because we all need it. I hold back because I’m scared of being dumb but what mom doesn’t want to hear they are doing a good job?!? Next mom I see, I am going to follow your example… thanks for the beautiful story!
Cue ready eyes. Thanks for this. You rock :)
Teary not ready. Stupid phone.
Yu my friend are doing a GREAT job! Good advice for giving to moms though when you see their struggling. If you have a sec, I’d love to hear your thoughts on my latest posts!
peacelovedecor.com
I love this. We DO need to tell each other this simple fact more. The fact the you used all your effort to keep that swear word in means you are doing a great job. It means you care.
This was my most difficult age with Isla June. She was mobile and inquisitive (as is Waylon) but didn’t have the listening or cognitive reasoning skills yet. It almost made me loose my mind. I had trouble getting out of the house with her but staying inside made us both stir crazy. The good news? Its just a stage and will too pass. Read lots of books, that’s what always helped us.
Love this! There are some days when I REALLY want (need?) to hear this!
i am that mom!
goosebumps.
EXACTLY this.
Thank you for posting this. I really needed to read it…been having difficult days lately and just seeing this made my heart smile.
Tears.
Thank you, Kate. To echo the others, you are doing a great job. And this story and prompt are going to do a lot of good. I get all sappy just thinking “What if every reader makes a point to notice a mom (or even just person) who is doing something hard and brave and doing it well, and they give this person some kind of recognition? And then that person pays it forward? Imagine the joy that would spread.”
I love it. You might just be starting a movement here.
Tears.
Love this! My husband recently told me: You’re doing an amazing job and I couldn’t imagine anyone doing it any better. I’m so lucky you’re my wife.” I cried for ten minutes and then gave him a big old smooch. I guess people don’t realize how much mom’s (and women in general) need to hear that stuff.
Thanks Kate! I needed that! :) You ARE a GREAT mom doing a GREAT job b/c you LOVE Waylon!
E-Tells-Tales recommended your blog just in time!! Her eyes filled with tears got my eyes filled with tears too. Thanks for that.
Wow trying to hold back tears! Boys are hard but it is soo worth it :-)
Is that rory gilmore?
It totally is.
You just brought tears to MY eyes, way to pay it forward! We have all had those day in the grocery store where we feel like everybody is staring but dear lord you can’t go another day without real food in the house so just keep going. A knowing smile means a lot. You rock.
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