There are unspoken rules in mom-blogging. For example: Don’t talk down to your readers, don’t insult your spouse, don’t overshare about sex, and definitely don’t talk politics.
After I graduated from college in 2007, I started a terribly unpopular blog on current events and politics. George W. Bush was president and as a staunch democrat, it was easy to find things to rant about. The problem was–it was boring, not because politics are boring but because I was.
When I started Motley Mama four years later, I imported some of those posts into my new blog and continued to reference my affinity for the liberal agenda. I quickly learned, however, that sharing political views in this sort of space is unfailingly volatile. I lost readers and even a few friends after not-so-subtle insults and eye rolling about conservatives. It wasn’t long before I cut out politics all together. It wasn’t shame, it wasn’t fear, it was the hard truth that politics and mom-blogs just don’t mix; much like a dinner party–it’s best to keep things light.
A year later and my caution has grown. Not just on my blog, but on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook as well. I’ve begun to limit, and in many cases completely abolish, any mention of the upcoming campaign or my thoughts on hot button issues like Planned Parenthood and healthcare.
It’s strange. I feel like I’m keeping this giant secret on behalf of everyone and no one. I don’t want to offend anyone and yet there’s no one specific to offend. I don’t love it.
I wasn’t always this way. In fact, I grew up in a Republican family and went to a largely Republican school. After the 1996 election, my entire 5th grade math class booed when the the principal announced over the loudspeaker that Bill Clinton had won against Bob Dole. In high school, I wrote essay after essay on the importance of the pro-life movement and turned up my nose at those crazy, drug-induced left wings. It was only after four years at a liberal Mennonite university that I began to understand the other side of the story, and by 2007–I was marching in rallies and avoiding tear gas.
Here’s the thing: discussing politics is tricky in almost every social situation, not just on the internet and within the blogging community. It’s also church, book-clubs, bars, baby showers–most of the time we feel like it’s better to keep our mouths shut.
I suppose I just miss the conversation. I like talking about something other than cloth diapers and one year molars once in a while. And really, I don’t care what your political views are. It doesn’t matter to me if you love Sarah Palin, Ralph Nadar, or Mitt Romney. I just want to talk. I joke around about conservatives because I’m the kind of person who jokes around about everything. I also probably watch a little too much Jon Stewart.
Look, some of my closest friends and family members have starkly different beliefs than I do, and while there have been a few awkward conversations and heated discussions, most of the time we just accept each other for who we are.
That’s my wish for us in this space, too.
A few years ago when Obama was running against John McCain, I was emailing my Grandma about my frustration with those close to me over their unwavering support of the republican party. I’m sure I was being very immature and dramatic, but my grandma is one of those grandmas who is very, very patient. I will never forget what she wrote that day. She said, “God can work through anything, even a donkey. How about that? Little pun.”
Amen.
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Your thoughts? Are you a blogger who avoids politics or do you let it slip in? As a reader, how do you feel when a lifestyle or mom blog shares their political beliefs? What about baby showers or book-club? Is there ever a good time?
Share. It’s safe here.
Abso-friggin-lutely–I avoid it like the plague. It’s not a fear. It’s just–I think at some point, you just have to decide what you are ok with “publishing” and what you are okay with just talking person-to-person about. You know? Politics is one of those ones where I feel more insecure writing about it than I do “talking” (like, out loud) about. If that makes any sense at all. Plus, in any situation, every person and party feels that their stance is so correct, that it’s really like trying to fight a losing battle. We all are shaped by 2903829038 things from our lifetime, that bring us to our realities today…to try to change that in one blog post, or one conversation? not likely.
Very true.
I think the world would be a far better place if more people were willing to dialogue about “sensitive” topics in a constructive and respectful manner. I’m always grateful for a different perspective, and when you approach issues with an earnest desire to understand the how and why of what the person opposite from you is thinking, you will inevitably be better for it.
I think there is a good time, but I never know when that is. I tend to float in the middle, and I enjoy discussing current events–the problem is that my side of the family is very conservative and my husbands side is not–so most every topic turns into a fight almost immediately. I hate that. It makes me never want to discuss anything at all.
As far as blogging goes? You’re right. It’s a rule. I steer very clear of EVER mentioning what I think about Obama (or in the olden days–GWB). It just seems, as you put it, futile.
I personally love when mom-bloggers/lifestyle bloggers share their thoughts on current events/politics because it gives insight into their lives/personalities better instead of just talking about superficial things like Pinterest. I know it’s tricky, but there’s always a way to phrase something that’s not hurtful or demeaning.
Honestly I feel like mom-bloggers are so scared of commenting about politics that they won’t even comment on posts about mom-bloggers and politics. Just my experience.
That’s really sad.
Thanks for writing about this topic. I feel like you are good at talking about what you believe in or how you feel about a topic (breastfeeding, co-sleeping) without polarizing anyone. I love Obama but I love plenty of people who don’t. That’s life!
I agree that there are somehow unspoken rules about what’s kosher to blog about. For me the struggle seems to be in how words or sarcasm could be misconstrued. Do we need to revisit the painful mistake of a comment that caused people to think I hated stay at home moms? I shudder just to think of the hate that boiled over that day. So yes, unfortunately, I tend to talk about rainbows and butterflies instead…
Wouldn’t it be lovely to just agree not to get angry at each other for voicing our views (carefully and fairly of course)? Then we could have these conversations and debates like real adults instead of just the ‘safe’ mommy-talk.
Love your blog and am happy to read anything you want to discuss–as long as it’s honest and has a little bit of humor :)
Yeah, I’m with you. I don’t go there. In part, because I really don’t keep up with politics (Steve does that enough for the both of us) and I feel like there’s no good party to stand behind. I guess that makes me an Independent? Anyway… I feel like tone is so necessary to those sorts of conversations… and, of course, that’s lost on a reader when it’s not face-to-face. Nevertheless, because I think you’re really funny already, I’d read what you have to say and wouldn’t get rowdy in the comments. How’s THAT?
Perfect.
I don’t want to write a politics blog, I just think it’s strange how quiet it is.
It is always interesting to me to see how someone’s political beliefs have been shaped. I do tend to feel that politics are best discussed in person, certainly NOT on Facebook or Twitter. I have seen arguments about politics on social media between people who have never even met each other. It seems to me that one earns the right to argue–maybe disagree is a better word–with someone else about politics, religion, etc., through having a solid, caring prior relationship with that person. I try not to disagree with someone else in writing, because so much of the communication is missing–body language and even tone of voice.
That said, I do feel that I therefore walk around hiding some of my own fundamental beliefs because I don’t want others to find me to be uncaring or misinformed. I am a Mennonite as well and of course, the mix of politics and religion is a tricky one. I have spoken with people who make me feel like if I don’t share their political beliefs, I am not as good of a Christian as I should be–certainly not very enlightened.
As I get older, I find my beliefs to be a strange mixture of parts of each political party. Having recently endured a long period of unemployment, my family has benefited–survived, even–from unemployment benefits. My children have CHIP health insurance, for which I am so grateful. When my husband was unemployed, he participated in a wonderful, free program through the state, which provided him with support in resume writing and interviewing skills. I believe that programs such as these are crucial, so important for helping people in need of assistance. However, I also believe that it really doesn’t help people to have 2 or 3 years of unemployment benefits available to them.
I believe that healthcare for everyone is a wonderful idea. However, I am worried that the benefits themselves might not be as good as we all wish they would be. As we make our way through the 90 days until my husband’s benefits kick in at his new job, we do have health insurance that we purchased privately. SO, we HAVE health insurance, but it is really TERRIBLE health insurance with a high, high deductible, and no coverage for the $300 worth of prescriptions that we get each month. Will being required to purchase health insurance be a good thing? I don’t know–but it worries me…
Oh, I could go on, my opinions about the military, abortion, women in leadership. But, I will spare you and the rest of your readers. Suffice it to say, my beliefs are varied. I do feel that it is dangerous to define oneself as a Republican or Democrat and then “blindly” accept the beliefs of that party and only that party. I think it is very sad when Christians allow politics to create division between them, but sometimes I think that is MOST likely to happen with Christians. After all, who can argue with me if GOD is on my side?
Thanks for this thought provoking post. You have a way of presenting your beliefs that is fair and open, truly seeking to know and understand your readers. That is where true dialogue begins.
I appreciate this thoughtful comment and found myself nodding along. I would no longer define myself as a blue party enthusiast mostly because I’ve been disappointed with most of its leaders. I find myself somewhere in the middle, meandering along and reading Newsweek in between breastfeeding and trying to write a book. I guess I just want to discuss what I’m reading sometimes and say: this is really great or this is really crappy.
I read this comment after I wrote mine. Couldn’t agree more.
As a public school teacher its pretty taboo to be a conservative. I have a teacher friend on facebook who is pretty mean towards conservatives (I cringe when my students say he’s their favorite teacher, I just hope he’s teaching with more kindness than he shows on facebook!!) so I tend to stay away from posting just because I don’t want angry comments all over my stuff. I know what I support, but I’m no debater and I get tripped up in my words easily, so sadly I just keep to myself (unless I’m chatting with my MIL. Its always easy to talk politics with someone who agrees with you!!)
Putting down someone else’s beliefs is the fastest way to take away your own credibility.
THIS.
I don’t mind discussing politics. I dislike it when it comes to name calling though–on either side.
Winston Churchill said, “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
That is what it takes to discuss politics without it turning into a bunch of jack-assess talking at each other instead of talking to each other. Most people lack that kind of tact, especially in the anonymous world of the internet. My views on politics (and religion), which leans very far to the left, places me squarely in the minority. That fact makes it unwise for me to engage people on these topics unless I know they are reasonable and/or are not on the complete opposite side of the political spectrum from me. I can’t be sure of either of these things when writing something on the internet to an audience of relative strangers. So while I don’t hide my opinions -I am not ashamed of what I believe- I choose not to make it a point of focus.
Winston is the man.
And I’m with you. There’s no way I can make it a point of focus without becoming very distanced from my readers. It’s too complicated to address a mass amount of people without talking face to face.
I saw on twitter this morning that you said you wrote an awkward post and I assumed it was about sex. This is way more awkward. Way to be brave.
Sex! Maybe next week. Cover your eyes.
I don’t avoid it really, it just doesn’t fill my thoughts so it doesn’t come out a lot. I am neither republican nor democrat so I don’t really make blanket statements about one side or the other – because they both have positive and negative ideas/policies/etc.
Most of the time when people start being really angry about politics on twitter or facebook it just makes me pity them a bit. Because I think if you are truly truly trying to have an adult conversation about it then you talk in person, or one on one. And only if you are open to hearing the other person out and see things from another angle, not try and change their mind. So I pity then because that sort of fueled anger just offends people and really has no positive effect. The people that agree all nod their head and think they and the person who wrote the comment are so much smarter than everyone who disagrees and the person that disagrees gets offended and sometimes fires back something mean.
Same goes for faith. Only talk about it if you aren’t going to try and push your belief system on the other. If has to be sincere open ears and hearts.
Amen.
I’ve come a long way in this aspect. In college I traveled through the Middle East and Europe for a few months and came back thinking I knew everything about everything. It was not attractive.
Since then I’ve very much mellowed out (thank goodness) and have found that it’s always best just to listen, about everything. Maturity, maybe–but also one too many hard lessons learned.
Love your grandma and the pun!
I think it’s kind f a waste of time, on a mom blog or at a baby shower. I think there’s a window of formation (maybe age 17-24) when most people are formed politically and after that, it’s a stalemate. Is my husband really going to change his 60 year old father’s conservative views? Doubtful. Is someone going to magically switch from pro-life to pro-choice based on a blog post? I don’t think so. So, for that reason, it makes me tired to even bother with the discussion or who thinks who is right. Maybe that makes me lazy?
A bit off topic, but something I think is fascinating is the way political conviction tends to alternate from generation to generation. Possibly because of rebellion? My grandparents were all democrats- poor as children, experienced WWII, self-made, never wealthy. My parents, and Jeff’s are conservative-mostly for fiscal and moral issues. My siblings, Jeff’s siblings, and the two of us lean left. In 20 years will Waylon and Jonah and Henry be signing up for The Young Republicans at their college campuses? I can’t way to see how it plays out.
P.s. I also remember a similar reaction the day after elections at my conservative private school. In 1986, we held a mock election and the votes were George Bush Sr. 566, Dukakis 2. Also, in ’92, my fifth grade teacher cried in class over Clinton’s first victory. It was so dramatic.
Props to you, Kate, for opening this can of worms. Yours is the only mom-blog I read, so I don’t know the first things about mom-blog culture. But I WILL say that I would love to see it discussed on the Bachelorette. Haha
Although I find politics to be both stimulating and nauseating, I almost always walk away frustrated. It seems like both sides get exaggerated and distorted all of the time. And because I have family and close friends that are represented by both the left and right, I always feel like I need to be an advocate of whomever is being misrepresented. I often feel jealous of people my age who seem to know exactly where they stand on social and political issues, but then again I don’t.
I understand. I feel the same, as I am sure most do. The hard part is that sometimes it is what you want to write about most, but you can’t. So you have no outlet for those rants. I feel in situations with a few friends it is okay to discuss no-no topics, even if we don’t agree, as long as we keep it civil. I feel I can talk about topics to my mom friends that I couldn’t normally talk to others. For some reason that fact that we all know we pushed a kid out of our vagina around the same time has bonded us and I can talk to them about sex and politics and other racy topics that I can’t always discuss with other people. It is a nice outlet. Hopefully you have that somewhere.
I’ve often held off on discussing issues regarding politics, both on my blog and elsewhere. I’m a liberal living in a pretty red state. The thing is, I think it’s important to discuss issues openly and honestly and that sometimes discourse about these issues has led me to view things completely differently, so I’m not sure why I don’t speak up more often.
Sarah palin is a fake
Trig is not her biological child
And I’m not a crazy person
Hi Kate,
Just stopping by and saying hello from Pittsburgh. :) Oh, and yes, I am a democrat. Sorry to say, but I cannot stand republicans and their narrow-minded personalities.
XO, sandra
I’ve found that I do enjoy a good conversation about politics every once in awhile (even though I admit I don’t know much about the subject) , but what I can’t stand is when people throw their thoughts down my throat and are looking for a crazy heated conversation. Working at a local diner on weekends I have to deal with older very conservative men all screaming at each other and their waitress about the topic. The funny thing is they all agree…they just like to fight. They have sat for three hours before talking in circles. They all hate the people in office I get it. Also when Bush was in office and people would make comments and bad mouth him these men would get all upset and say no matter what kind of job Bush is doing he is our Chief how dare you talk bad about him. Then these men turn around a bad mouth Obama. Sorry for the rant this has been on my mind for a couple of weeks…thanks Kate for letting me blow off some steam…
I pretty much pretend that politics don’t exist. My husband gets all worked up over it, but I skip that part of the newspaper and focus on the comics. I find my little local politics far more relevant and important. I know change can happen at the macro level, but right now my macro level is my family. I’m one of those parents who is intensely interested in my family and home life – I don’t feel stifled by it. I do like philosophical conversations, but not politics. And last week I did get in a shouting match with my brother and mom about the environment. It felt awful, but we made up later.
I feel like I’m keeping secrets from my readers too, mainly because I limited the scope of my blog to thrift at home. But I like to talk about deeper things with people face-to-face.
I can tell you a place where you can talk politics open and honestly with some humor thrown in for good measure: my white couch in nyc. Justin loves the subject, and though I’m biased, he does a damn good job bantering back and forth, talking about his views and respecting the views of others. Personally, I believe there are pros and cons to both sides & find myself screaming things inside my head like, Why can’t we all just get along?! during all this drama leading up to the election. Which means… I’ll be the one serving you delicious food & refilling your drink.
Also, I just used punctuation marks in the middle of a sentence. I know how much you love that.
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I really admire you for bringing this up. I don’t mind political talk every so often. Adds some spice to life :)
My only problem comes with the name calling that happens. I don’t shy away from posting the occasional political post on Facebook–but I inevitably get a mean comment from someone who views things differently (and it’s generally from the same person, so I’m pretty close to just blocking her, :P)
Anyway, while we may be on opposite ends of the political spectrum, I don’t think that affects one’s friendship :)
I’m from Michigan, we don’t dare speak our minds.
http://theweek.com/article/index/229431/michigans-war-on-vagina
Sandra,
I must say that your comment is somewhat laden with irony. Is it a joke? You say that you cannot stand republicans and their “narrow-mindedness” but isn’t that a bit intolerant? Also, the “XO” signature – plays on the same idea. Just thought I’d share :).
Thanks Meredith, I was thinking the exact same thing about “Sandra.”
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