My kid has a lot of toys. I knew it would happen. Long before he was born, folks came out of the woodwork to gift us with their leftovers, resulting in three hundred plastic trains, four hundred wooden blocks, and one thousand other small creatures and automobiles.
Of course there are favorites. Captain Calamari usually makes him laugh and there is a silly little train he always reaches for. Yet for the most part, despite having all of these incredibly colorful, noisy, and intricate toys to play with, the baby has decided he’d rather have a small piece of tape or a discarded toenail to play with. Gross.
I’ve come around to it I guess. Instead of forcing any sort of relationship with my old stuffed bear, I let him play with whatever he wants to–as long as it’s reasonably safe.
Here are the Top Ten “Toys” he’d rather play with.
1) Box
Baby likes Box because it becomes his own little man-cave. He can poop, spit, and fart in peace without anyone saying “look how cute it is when he poops/spits/farts!”
You may say—> Doesn’t that clutter up floor space? The answer is yes!
2) Remote
Baby loves Remote because it is black and shiny and he’s not really allowed to play with it. Remote is second to iPhone, which did not make it onto this list as it is strictly forbidden and NOT A TOY (I’m talking to you, Waylon).
You may say—> “Um, we don’t have a TV” (loosely translated to: I am better than you). Don’t worry! You can get a remote control for pennies at the thrift store!
3) Camera Lens Cap
Camera Lens Cap is a favorite because it is attached to another item on the Strictly Forbidden list, Camera. Baby loves Camera Lens Cap because it is nice to chew on and looks like a big cookie.
You may say—> Doesn’t the lens cap get all sticky and wet when you let baby play with it? The answer is yes!
4) Power Cord
I can only assume Power Cord is one of baby’s favorites because it is kind of dangerous. So far exactly two power cords have been ruined due to baby’s sharp teeth.
You may say—> Shouldn’t you definitely not let your baby play with power cords? The answer is yes!
5) Shoe
Baby loves Shoes because the bottoms are covered with dirt, grime, and animal feces. He also loves to chew in the soft corners, kind of like a dog!
You may say—> Gross! Shouldn’t you be giving your baby actual toys to play with? The answer, again, is yes.
6) Dishwasher
Baby loves Dishwasher because it is rolls back and forth and often contains shiny, sharp knives and plates covered in chicken grease.
You may say—> Baby loves dishwasher because baby loves helping! I disagree. Baby is never helping.
7) Measuring Cup
Ah, the Measuring Cup. Measuring Cups are great because Measuring Cups are safe. When baby gets fussy, I often pull them out because they are magic.
You may say—> This is old news. My response? I had to be told to do this. Mommy dummy!
8) Balloon
Baby loves balloons because balloons are shiny and floaty and look like something he shouldn’t be playing with.
You may say—> Are you sure babies should have balloons? My answer is, probably not.
9) Spatula
Like Measuring Cup, Spatula is one of baby’s safer non-toys. Baby loves Spatula because they are fun to wave around and hit things with.
You may say—> That’s an adorable picture. I say, I agree.
10) Magazine
Baby has loved Magazine from the day he laid eyes on one. Magazines are fun because they crinkle and rip and taste delicious.
You may say—> Don’t let him eat paper. I say, too late!
f
Do your kids chew through power cords too? Maybe you’re a better mom than that. Or maybe you chewed through them as a kid. I can only hope.
d
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Obvious PS (So Something Terrible Doesn’t Happen And It’s All My Fault): Don’t be an ignoramus and let your kids play with unsafe objects, especially when you aren’t watching.
Love “you may say”
I was hankering for one of your top tens!
Adorable pictures, obviously.
My kids were playing with beer bottles they found alongside the road today. White trash much?
Quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever read.
Top Ten Tuesday returns!
This is hilarious.
Hahaha love.
Tommy’s favorite toys are remotes too, specifically the Wii remote. We gave him one with no batteries to chew on :P Also gave him a remote that went to a TV we don’t use anymore.
Perfect!
That’s pretty much awesome. :) My mom says I basically ate up every single book or magazine I ever had when I was a baby. I turned out fine! Maybe the word consumption made me smarter or something.
I am relieved.
OMG the magazines! Yes! My girl has had a few tantrums when magazines have been taken away. Her absolute favorite “toys”, though, are water bottles. She chews on the caps and loves the crackly sound they make when she squeezes them. Oh, and we found out the hard way that cheap Winnie the Pooh bath squirters make much better teethers than ol’ overpriced Sophie. Live and learn. Kids are silly.
So silly. Water bottles = great idea. Thanks Elizabeth.
this is what our grandparents probaby played with when they were babies (well some of them). tate loved magazines when he was a baby. what is more thrilling than tearing paper. it just seems naughty!
That is exactly it!
I always felt guilty about my kids’ playtime withbottles of infant Tylenol. Those squishy tops? Hours of chewing fun. Hours of parent guilt.
Now they love to swipe empty toilet paper rolls to use as telescopes. Gross.
Meh, not as gross as playing in the toilet (I’m just waiting).
Medicine bottles…I was afraid to admit to that. But totally.
funny! My secret weapon toy for fussy babies is the entire tray of silverware from the silverware drawer. Works every time – worth the extra washing.
Genius.
Hilarious! And so true. Waylon looks like a little rascal in the dishwasher pic. So funny. When it gets warm enough to play outside, you can add dirt and sticks to your list.
The above comment is from Bec
Anonymous Bec, dirt and sticks….only a matter of time.
Hi Kate,
Mo Nolt shared your blog with me when I became a new mama- I love it! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and humor!!
Hi Carly! Welcome to Mommyhood. There’s lots of poop here—but it’s pretty good nonetheless. xo
My 9 month old has reprogrammed our remote twice so far, even though he isn’t allowed to have it. We also sacrificed our oldest xbox controller to him to keep him away from the good ones. His very favorite thing though, is one of my mixing bowls he snatched and now lives permanently with all his other toys. Thanks for making me laugh! Nice to know other kids do the same things :)
That dang remote. How do they know the real one from the fake ones? Baby geniuses.
Real late to the punch on this post….but Westley is obsessed with every single item mentioned here. EVERY ONE.