January is over which means I can finally talk about what I’ve been trying to accomplish all month and, more importantly, stop being so flipping nice.
But before I talk about what happened, I’ll first address your burning questions and vigorous finger pointing. Like, why is being a great wife on your bucket list and how could you possibly “accomplish” that in one month and what is wrong with you?
When I looked ahead 50 years and thought about what I want to have done before I die, I noticed that all my top priorities had to do with family. Having a good marriage and happy children is far higher on the list than seeing the Brazilian beaches or owning a pig. As I was putting together my 2012 challenge and choosing goals for each month, I considered January and what I would be capable of.
January is a rough month for me. Winter is not my forte and every year I find myself slumping into a hibernative state just to survive the snow-down-the-boots feeling of dark days, darker nights, and having to put on socks. I thought, what if I really focused on my marriage this month; worked on avoiding fights, being selfless, and taking out the trash myself. What if I tried to be the great wife that is on my list? Maybe it would cheer me up. Maybe I would learn something.
In short, I pictured myself baking a lot of Austin’s favorite meals and showering him with praise and adoration each day.
This did not happen.
January Goals
Swallow Sarcasm
Keep The House Clean
Look Nice (brush your hair, woman!)
Act Nice (even if it’s pretend)
Be Nice (say nice things)
January Fears
Unrealistic Goals?
My Kid Is A Monster
I Am Tired
How It Actually Went
There were some successes.
For example:
When he said he didn’t like the potato soup I spent two hours making, I did not cut him.
When he woke the baby up by singing “I wanna be a millionaire,” I did not scream YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE and flee the house.
When he said “I don’t like these green grapes,” I went and bought red grapes.
When he complained there was nothing good to eat in the house, I bought him a hamloaf.
When I really wanted to go to the movies with friends, but he didn’t feel like babysitting, I stayed home without complaining.
When he asked me to go into the glove compartment and look up the fuel tank capacity of the Subaru in the owners manual, I did not pretend not to hear him.
When he did the dishes because otherwise “it would never get done,” I did not stand up on the dining room table and tell him exactly how many times I’ve done the dishes since he started medical school (every time).
It was hard; really, really hard. In fact, one day I was so sick of being nice to him that I almost changed the goal completely. But then an hour later he came home with a vanilla chai from Starbucks, a very uncharacteristic move for Mr. Baer, and I thought, “maybe it’s working.”
Truthfully though, I believe this month was a bust. Not only did I get my special cramp-inducing, hormone-raging friend for the first time in almost two years, we were in a sleep battle with the baby, resulting in frustration and exhaustion for both of us. I snapped, I snarked, and least of all did I keep up with the housework. I did manage to throw on some makeup and put on real clothes every day (a feat in itself), but I’m pretty sure it was overshadowed by the unbelievable amount of wonderful meals I did not make.
Last night I told Austin what my January goal was and he responded exactly how I predicted. He laughed, told me I’m always a great wife, and then pointed out how I’ve been my mean old self all month.
Okay, but I did learn a few things. I learned that dedicating your life to one goal each month is hard, especially if it’s being nice to someone who is specially trained in pushing your buttons (a spouse). I learned that pretending to be nice is just as good as actually being nice, because eventually you forget that you’re pretending. Mostly I learned something again that I already knew before: marriage is hard, especially when you feel like you’re being graded.
“A” for effort, “B” for results, and a toast to better luck next month.
***
Did you have a goal for January? How did it go?
Stay tuned to the first and last weekday of every month for more updates on the 2012 Challenge.
Click HERE for more details.
You did well though! I should follow your example and at least try to be less snarky towards my husband.
I bet this goal is even harder when you’re married to a med student. All my married friends in that boat say it’s tough. Also, sleep training while married to a med student while being nice sounds extra painful.
And I always thought “commitment” was the most important part of marriage, but I think now it’s probably “pretend sometimes” and “just take the dang garbage out yourself” and “if you smell a dirty diaper don’t pretend you don’t and hand the baby to your spouse”.
Trying to be the best wife while sleep training a stubborn 6 month old during medical school was not one of my best decisions.
This is hilarious.
PS: I finished my scrapbook! Love this challenge.
Yes!
Thanks for giving me a fake name.
I started french lessons!
Bonjour! (That’s all I know)
Kate,
I love reading your posts! Thanks for putting yourself out there for the rest of us.
I love this post. Love, love, love.
you put on “real clothes” every day?! i’m impressed. seriously impressed. i wear the same sweatshirt every. single.day. i even get a little sad when i do the wash because i need to find something else to wear. occasionally i will change right before k gets home, but mostly, i just don’t feel like it.
Same. I have what I call “a life uniform” that consists of leggings and a yellow zip up. But this month I put on real clothes! It was weird, but also kind of nice? I felt better about myself.
I’m guessing it will take me about 0.5 days to get back into the old routine.
I am dying reading this. Because? I would be identical. First of all, I’d fail pretty freaking miserably at this task at all. Secondly, when I told my husband my month goal he would have TOTALLY laughed at me too, all HA HA you are always bitchy/mean/my typical wife. I mean, I’m awesome. But yea. So…high fives for a valiant effort. And a big ole EFF YOU to your period. Dude, it is ROUGHHHHHH when it comes back. I feel you.
It’s ok sweets….you’re a great daughter, wife and mom. By the way…it’s still January so go get dressed and brush your teeth, then start planning a girls night out! :) xxoo
@ Katie: So rough! First I was like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY?!” And then, “oh.”
@Papa: Thanks dad.
I love you for staying honest.
- faithful reader
I’m mad at Austin for pushing your buttons. Your job is way harder than medical school. No matter what he tells you, he is having fun.
Thanks Dr. P.
At least you had a goal for the month and you stuc to it even when the times got hard. But honestly, you sound exactly like me. I’m getting married in a month and I know I’m going to need to be better with cleaning house, not making sarcastic comments and cooking. I know it’s not a requirement to be better once I’m married but I don’t cook at all. At least it’s something that I could try. Come March, you might be reading this exact same post on my blog. And I don’t even have a baby as an excuse to let me off the hook. Props to you!
peacelovedecor.blogspot.com
Thanks Erin! And congrats, marriage is cool. Weird, but cool.
I did not realize your hubby is in med school. My hubs graduated from med school in May and is now an intern in emergency medicine. I need to try some of these things…especially the getting ready every day…that is definitely an accomplishment!
Med school wives unite! Please tell me it only gets better after first year? Just kidding, I know it only gets worse.
Waking the baby up is the ultimate crime. Your willpower not to lose your capacities is praiseworthy.
Also, I love this project and blog!
Send this one out, too. Probably to Brain, Child. Please?
Is my mother my echo?
I thought the same thing.
What a great goal! Very selfless and thoughtful.
Austin likes ham loaf?? so does Mark. what the heck
So, so gross.
I applaud you for even having this as a goal. I will admit I may not always be the best wife and I try to do my best. But for a month! Goodness girl.
It was a bit lofty.
Helloooo from a single (aka non-married and non-mom) 26-year-old blogger. I’m fairly new to your blog but may I just say I am loving the way you are on it. I recently rid my blog feed of a bunch of mommy bloggers and ridiculously-cute-newly-married-couple bloggers…because I figured it wasn’t doing too much good for my self esteem. (Ha.) And not to say that you guys aren’t ridiculously cute…but more importantly than that, you’re honest. So thank you for being a bit of a refreshing dose of reality in my otherwise “white picket fence” Google Reader line-up.
After breaking up with my last boyfriend, all I could think about was how much better/sexier/more amazing/more fun/more thrilling my life would be if I were married. It’s nice to be reminded that regular LIFE STILL GOES ON even when you finally are.
So…thank you :)
Oh girl, I had to get rid of that white picket fence line up as well. It was making me green with envy, and that’s not a good color on anyone.
LIFE STILL GOES ON. You rock. Keep on keeping on.
I absolutely love your writing. I neeeeeeed moooooooore.
One of my favorite posts of yours :)
Thanks ma’am.
oh my word I’m so irritated at my husband right now and it’s mostly because I’m TIRED. and then I read your post.
Inspiring, and made me laugh, and THANK YOU. I enjoy your blog!
this is hilarious. you didn’t cut him, you didn’t tell him he’s ruining your life. you didn’t pretend not to hear him. i chuckled through this. those damn men!
three cheers for february being here!
OK, I did not guess that this would be your Jan. goal. I was thinking “Accomplish bull riding” “Read every day” “Something in between those things.”
The fact that you tried.. that’s winning. And not saying anything about the dishes — that’s approaching saint status.
First, congrats on setting a goal for the whole month and sticking to it. I thought that would be better (and more realistic) than a New Year’s Resolution. Mine has been to let go of anger. Let’s just say that yesterday I was pissed off all day long to make up for lost time. Since I’ve managed to take a shower, put on real clothes and makeup yesterday and today, perhaps that will be my goal for this month. People without small children simply will not understand this goal. People with small children will.