So I asked Twitter for some Top Ten suggestions and it answered (or more accurately she answered). Thank you RaisingKane for the suggestion, because pre-parent Kate said some pretty dumb stuff to new moms and should have been warned. Old ladies at the grocery store–be warned as well! Last week it was “Someone needs a nap.” Really? Is that what he needs? How about mama needs a nap or you’re doing great or I remember those days. All great choices!
Anyways, here’s what not to say.
1) I think someone’s cold.
Similar: Where are baby’s socks? Baby needs a hat. I think baby’s chilly!
What we hear: Your baby is freezing and it’s your fault.
Suggested Response: Too bad I used all his blankets making a blanket fort.
2) I think someone’s hungry.
Similar: When’s the last time he ate? Is his belly hungry?
What we hear: Your baby is starving and it’s your fault.
Suggested Response: She’s on a diet.
3) Is he sleeping through the night?
Similar: My cousin’s baby slept through the night at just two weeks! My sister’s neighbor’s baby sleeps 13 hours without waking up and he was just born yesterday!
What we hear: Your baby isn’t sleeping well and it’s your fault.
Suggested Response: New studies suggest babies who sleep through the night have fewer brain cells. Hopefully just a theory!
4) I lost all my baby weight right away.
Similar: You should try going on walks.
What we hear: You are kind-of fat.
Suggested Response: I’m actually trying to gain weight right now. Doctor’s orders.
5) Do you just love being a Mommy?
What we hear: Is this really better than your desk job?
Suggested Response: More than kittens and leapfrog and rainbows!
6) Someone is spoiled.
Similar: Someone always gets what he wants.
What we hear: Your child is a brat.
Suggested Response: Don’t worry, when he does this at home–we make him sleep outside.
7) Is he a good baby?
Similar: My cousin’s baby hardly ever cries.
What we hear: Will your child cry obnoxiously during our time together?
Suggested Response: Besides the DUI and occasional drug use, yes–he’s a good baby.
8) You look tired.
What we hear: You look like death.
Suggested Response: I’m actually on my way to a costume party.
9) Wow, he’s nursing again?
Similar: This baby looks like he enjoys eating!
What we hear: Your baby is a tub of lard.
Suggested Response: I’m sorry, are you afraid there won’t be any left for you?
10) Are you worried he’s not crawling yet?
Similar: Are you worried he’s not talking? Are you worried she’s not interested in food? Should you be concerned he hasn’t started his thesis on the importance of pooping?
What we hear: You should be worried he’s not crawling/eating/walking/writing a thesis on poop.
Suggested Response: Crawling is for suckers.
Tell me your story. I know you have one.o