The other day I had an epiphany. It happened mid sentence, as it often does, when I heard myself talking and realized I sounded like a major hater. It went something like “I hate black Friday. I can’t believe people go out on black Friday. Black Friday is so dumb.”
I wouldn’t have thought twice about it if it weren’t for the young babe I was holding in my arms, grinning up at my hate speech like a clueless baboon. But when I looked down at him, I thought about how moldable his little mind is and how I need to stop hating things for fear he might start hating those very same things simply because I do. And that’s just not right, because hating something just because your parents do is how things like racism and homophobia stay alive.
What’s worse is that I don’t actually hate Black Friday at all, I just don’t participate myself, which means my hate speech is really just me not understanding, which is how things like racism and homophobia got started in the first place.
One of my favorite slogans from the Gay Rights movement is this: If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person. The same applies to everything else.
If you hate Walmart…don’t shop at Walmart.
If you hate big trucks…don’t drive a big truck.
If you hate blogs…stop reading blogs.
If you hate black olives…don’t eat black olives.
If you hate facebook…don’t have a facebook account.
If you hate clowns…stop going to the circus.
If you hate Black Friday…don’t shop on Black Friday and shut up about it.
Hate should be reserved for truly hateful things, like violence against children or barns burning down or carrots. Not liking big trucks because of global warming is fine too, as long as you’re not hating on the people who drive them. Lead by example and drive a smart car. Or, as a smaller measure, don’t shake your fist and swear at the big truck when it is taking up too much space in the parking lot. Park further away and appreciate the exercise. I am talking to myself.
As an obvious aside, it is perfectly acceptable to voice your opinion on all your dislikes for the sake of conversation. Talking about how much I don’t like those tear-out postcard ads in magazines is one of my hobbies. It’s all the hating that needs to stop.
There’s a line. A big fat line. And I need to stop crossing it before my baby grows up to be a hater, just like his mama.
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That was a great post. It is a continuing struggle for me as well to stop hating things that don’t need to be hated. Thanks for the thoughts. You are a great writer.
Thanks Justin!
and don’t hate those plaid curtains, it makes some of us feel bad who actually like them! :)
Love your list! I found it inspiring.
If this were a cabin..or a hunting lodge…or a grandma’s house, I would find them absolutely perfect.
I LOVE those plaid curtains
ugh
Dynamite posts this week. I also just found your post about the top ten things you didn’t know about newborns. Funny! And your love story too. Keep writing!
Thanks J!
I am guilty of hate speech. And I *hate* it! I caught my four year old saying “I hate dose fake Cwismass trees” — direct repeat. She doesn’t need to hate something so harmless!
I don’t know how to fix it exactly and I do the same thing. It recently read an article about using positive messages to kids. Like: “I love having a real tree in the house because it smells good!”
I see myself failing miserably at this, but it’s worth a shot?
I think there’s room for “hating” something like Black Friday. It’s full of greed. That’s wrong. We probably shouldn’t talk about it, though.
Yeah, we do need to be more positive. I’m terrible with that.
Things I “hate” because of my mom:
-Colored Christmas Lights
-Ironing
-Black Friday
I wonder if anyone likes to iron.
This hits home for me because I find myself grumping about similar things in front of Tommy. Generally it happens while I am driving. That tends to bring out the worst in me.
I think babies make road rage worse. If other cars stop too quickly or drive too slowly–my baby wakes up, and that is just not acceptable.
As a teacher, I HATE close-minded students. The ones that won’t go out on a limb, trust their instincts, write an answer with self-confidence, rather than questioning themselves every.single.answer. Thank you for being more aware of what this will do to your child because I see parental influence everyday!
Thanks for the feedback Lindsey!
Lord have mercy, it’s like you’re reading my mind!! In that, I have been totally guilty of the same thing and when I heard my two year old repeat something I said recently, I was appalled. I love this post a million times!
I agree. Except for Daylight Savings Time. Because I DO hate that. And it deserves my hate.
It does, it does.
I nanny full time for 3 young girls and now know to keep the hate comments to myself!
Difficult!
“Hater” is what Bristol Palin calls a person who is critical of her mom. Therefore, I am a hater.
At least you’re funny.
Those tear-out things in magazines can come in handy. If you were in the penitentiary you’d be so glad to have something to write on.
Love, Pollyanna
Yes Pollyanna, you’re right about that.
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