#10 Before I gave birth I thought a lot about what giving birth would look like. I pictured it to be epically disgusting with lots of screaming, swearing, and hysterical crying. I was right.
I also figured that afterwards, I might need some XL granny panties to hold in the giant diapers worn for postpartum recovery. Also correct.
Conversation in Target with my sister on day of purchase:
Me: (holding up underwear) We can never tell anyone about this.
Kelly: You’re right.
Me: This is the most terrible thing I’ve ever bought.
Kelly: It’s pretty bad.
Me: If Austin sees me in these, he might never want to look in that direction again.
Kelly: I wouldn’t.
19 weeks later and I still own them. Why? Because I figure I might do all of that again someday (shutter). The problem is that at least once a month I run out of all “normal” underwear and have to slip these bad boys on out of desperation. Not ideal.
My confession? They are actually really comfortable. Mind-blowingly comfortable. Never want to wear another thong again comfortable.
Now I know why grannies are always so cheerful. They are wearing soft, nipple-high, cotton briefs that never give you a wedgie and always leave you covered. Mystery solved.
#11 So I gave my baby food even though he’s not really ready. It was somewhat out of boredom, but mostly I was hoping it would help him sleep through the night (it did not).
How it went:
Don’t worry, he eventually warmed up to it (and by that I mean he spit it all over my face and laughed). Maybe we’ll try again in a few weeks (years?) when he’s not being such a baby.
#12 Now that Baby Baer has turned into a bipolar teething monster, it takes some special maneuvering to calm him down.
So far the best solution is rocking back and forth on the couch like Rainman while singing shouting showtunes at an extremely high decibel. Too bad I can never remember the words.
On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
On my own
I want some dessert inside me
Dum Dum Dum
Please go to sleep, you’re crazy
And when I close my eyes, just close your eyes, please close your eyes
I want some sleep please
Downloading the soundtracks to Les Mis and Phantom of the Opera as we speak. It’s wrong what I’m doing to these songs, but I don’t really know what else to do. Teething = Mommy hell.
***
Momfession #9: Criminal Acts
Momfession #8: All Dried Up
Momfessions #3-7: Watermelons, Vaccums, & Stretch Marks, etc.
Momfession #2: Belated Baby Blues
Momfession #1: Colic
Best confession ever. Best youtube ever. Best opera tune ever.
So much praise! I like you.
Maybe I should get a pair…
Hilarious video.
I also have my post birth undies… you never know when the wash will run out.
I like your version of On My Own better.
Teething is awful…but I’m cracking up thinking about you rocking and screaming. Whatever works-right?
A good motto.
Yeah, it’s too early for him to have solids. If he turns away like that and you put the spoon in his mouth anyway, you might have big problems getting him to eat later on.
He doesn’t need to be sleeping through the night yet. This is a really good time to practice your patience because he’ll test it even more in a few years… :)
He actually shakes his head “no” when you feed it to him. Poor boy.
omg – I love how he basically says “mm mm” like “no.” right after you give him a bite. hahahah. westley isn’t liking eating either. wah wah.
I feel like maybe we shouldn’t force it? But I’m also like–enough boob already. I am tired.
Soon you’ll be writing the lyrics for an outstanding Broadway musical.
Keep up the good work Kate!
(Yes, Grannie panties can be very comfortable, especially with roomy sweatpants!)
Perfection.
I love the convo in Target.
His facial expressions in the video are hilarious! And I like how you titled the video, “I hate this.”
Haha, I love the momfessions!! I can actually relate to the grannypanties story. Mine was totally by mistake though…as I don’t have babies yet. I went to Target in search of new underwear. I bought some fun colors and was so proud of myself. Later Andy saw them on the counter (still in the package) and freaked out saying “why’d you buy grannypanties?!”. Oops, I got so distracted by the colors that I didn’t look at the styles. Lets just say those went back to the store and Andy took me to Victoria’s Secret.
Hilarious. You should have kept them ;)
Hey!!!! I got a new laptop and didn’t load your blog on my reader. How sorry i was I forgot about you! completely forgot!!!! Until I got to work and saw the 1000 photos of Waylon your dad has hanging up! then I got nervous and thought “Uh oh!!! I hope Dave doesn’t ask me about the blog, b/c I haven’t read it in 3 weeks! I know he likes me to keep up with his talented children and grandson! Please don’t ask!!!!” and he didn’t. So I came home and I’m almost up to date! And don’t worry. benign neglect is how I raise my children and I get many many compliments on them!
one more thing. I love that thing from Tina Fey. I read that in her book. i LOVE Tina Fey!!!! I always think “I could do that!”
LOL. I never realized just how much one bled after giving birth. Was a bit of a shock for me…as was wearing the super thick pads for 2 weeks. And DREADING going to the bathroom. Oy.
I love that video of him eating. It was similar to our experience…but then I decided to skip the cereal because Little Guy was having issues digesting it. He did great on carrots and green beans and he eats solids twice a day now. He now knows what the high chair means and gets cranky if I don’t get the food to him fast enough!
Oh! I didn’t know I could skip cereal? That’s how much I know about feeding a baby solids.
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oh mah gosh, he is so cute in that video.
and i owe you an email.
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