My gmail inbox is at 97% capacity. I know this because they keep flashing a little red box at the bottom of my screen saying: WARNING! YOUR E-MAIL INBOX IS AT 97%. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DELETE SOMETHING.
This is a problem.
You see, I had gmail before gmail was cool (yeah, I said it). Thusly, there is almost a decade of emails crowding my virtual mailbox and I just don’t know what to do about it.
Of course I should start deleting things, the obvious answer, but as a nostalgia hoarder who still has birthday cards from 4th grade–it’s hard for me to part with anything.
Baby Daddy suggested I go through my e-mails methodically, making sure there are no lingering invoices from Amazon.com or e-cards from my grandma. So I did, and now I’m down to 93%. Not great.
Next I tried starting from the very beginning, sophomore year of college, when I first got my gmail account. One by one I opened and read old emails describing heartache about boys, gossip about girls, plans to travel, complaints about roommates, unfortunate details about my time in the Middle East… it did not help me feel any less sentimental. It did, however, provide some much needed entertainment.
For example, I found an e-mail to my sister in which I used the phrase “you go girl!” as well as a collection of original poems I sent to a guy to convey the message “you are a dirt-bag.” Priceless. I also found a dozen or so of those questionnaire forwards we all used to send to each other. You know, fill out your eye color, birthday, favorite food, favorite season, favorite ice cream… very amusing. I came across one in particular (circa 2005) that was especially entertaining and decided to fill it out again, this time with a few nickles worth of sense in my head.
I wonder what I’ll think 10 years from now when I’m reading all of this. Probably the same way as I do now; you dummy.
PS: My e-mail inbox sheepishly remains at 93%.
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Kate Baker <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Thu, Sep 15, 2005 at 5:09 PM
Subject: re: truth time! 35 Qs, pass along…
To: <emails removed so you don’t spam my friends>
Here’s what you’re supposed to do…and please do not spoil the fun. Hit reply, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you… Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
1) WHERE ARE YOU?
College Answer: Dorm
Today’s answer: Living room
2) WHAT TIME IS IT?
College Answer: 4:45pm.
Today: Why are these questions in all caps?
3) FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
College: No time to play board games.
Today: But you had time for AOL Instant Messenger?
4) APPLES OR ORANGES?
College: Ah! Way far away
Today: I can smell the spit up crusted on my sleeve.
6) FAVORITE SMELL?
Today : Fresh baby
7) WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Today: Giving birth and then having to sneeze.
8) FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
College: I can sleep through this class one more time…
Today: Dear baby, please give me five more minutes…
9) HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
College: Too many.
Today: Who calls anyone anymore?
10) FUTURE CHILD’S NAME?
Today: Certainly not Isabelle.
11) FAVORITE COLOR?
12) WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE?
Today: I would love a nap.
13) IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Today: Little did I know, I would take guitar lessons! Sadly, I still only know 4 chords.
14) SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
College: Does a boy count?
Today: Ew, don’t be gross. No.
15) WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
16) FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
College: Long Island.
Today: Why is favorite spelled British all of a sudden? I’ll just have a beer, please.
17) WHAT’S IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR?
College: Where’s the boot of my car?
Today: Cars have boots?
18) IF YOU COULD BE ANY CELEBRITY?
College: Angelina Jolie of course
Today: What?! That’s embarrassing. Tina Fey is the definition of awesome.
19) IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Today: Singer/songwriter but without all the angst.
20) EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Today: Girl, you were crazy.
21) GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
College: Half empty.
Today: I’m thirsty.
22) FAVOURITE MOVIE?
College: Dances with Wolves.
Today: Still Dances with Wolves. Don’t knock it til you’ve seen it.
23) DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Today: When I’m not holding the baby, yes.
24) WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?
College: Piles of junk.
Today: Piles of postpartum hair. So gross.
25) WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST AMBITION?
College: To write a book.
Today: Yeah, I’d like to finish a book. But mostly I just want to make it to the end of the day with my mental faculties in tact and minimal swearing.
26) WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
Today: Is this a job interview? The need for credit.
27) WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
College: Summer dress.
Today: Summer dress.
28) FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Today: Hands? That’s creepy. I feel like, if you don’t have a nice face–what’s the point?
29) THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Today: Who buys CDs?
30) IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Today: The ability to make it stop crying.
31) WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
College: I don’t eat raw fish
Today: Sushi is heaven you ignoramus! Also-this is getting long.
32) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL?
College: One with friends.
Today: Chicken enchiladas (with or without the friends).
33) DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?
34) WHERE ARE YOU GOING LATER?
College: caf– as soon as they pick me up
Today: Caf? That’s cute. I might visit the kitchen later…
35) IF YOU DIED TONIGHT, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK GOD?
College: Explain love to me. Explain everything else.
Today: Explain love to me? Oh brother. I’ve only got one question: Is there a place I can lie down?