“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering.” -Michael Scott
We all do things we aren’t proud of; things we know aren’t good for us but do anyways because, let’s face it, that first bite of cream filled doughnut is better than sex.
Some of us are more open about it than others. My friend Carrie is one of those people who lets it all hang out. She will tell you she likes Justin Timberlake just as fast as she will tell you she likes Fleet Foxes or The Avett Brothers. This is admirable.
I am not one of those people. If I’m sitting around with Mr. and Mrs. Pretentious, I do not reveal my love for 90s sitcoms or cheap beer. Instead I talk about the last documentary I watched and refill everyone’s glass of I’m-better-than-you. I take the People magazine I bought with the change I found in the wash and hide it under the giant stack of Newsweeks. I play obscure hipster music on iTunes. I make naan.
The thing about guilty pleasures is that most of the time, we are the ones creating the guilt. If we all just admitted we kind-of like Justin Beiber, the air would warm with the communal sighs of relief.
Here is my list of the Top Ten Guilty Pleasures I indulge in. Don’t judge lest you be judged for your own secret stashes and 3am trips to the Taco Bell.
1) Diet Ginger Ale
Why It’s Hot: It curbs my appetite, settles my stomach, and rewards my long days with a bit of fizz. Also, when I pour it in a wine glass, it makes me feel fancy.
Why It’s Not: A diet soda a day increases your obesity risk by 41 percent (do you hear me? 41 percent!) and will probably give you cancer.
2) People Magazine
Why It’s Hot: Celebrity gossip takes my mind off my tired, screaming, teething baby.
Why It’s Not: Reading trashy magazines is proven to make you believe Madonna’s arms are normal.
3) Pedicures
Why It’s Hot: They massage your feet. The warm water feels awesome. They massage your legs. Your toes look pretty. They massage your feet and legs.
Why It’s Not: 30 dollars to paint your nails? Crazytown.
4) Auto-correct
Why It’s Hot: Sometimes I laugh so hard reading this website that I actually clutch my stomach and have to wipe tears away from my eyes (If you’ve never heard of damnyouautocorrect, you are over 40 and should not be reading it anyways).
Why It’s Not: Um, it’s not that funny. Get a grip, Baker.
5) Glee
Why It’s Hot: Who doesn’t love musical mash-ups and show choir?
Why It’s Not: Never have I ever watched a show with worse plot lines, acting, and character development.
6) Food Delivery
Why It’s Hot: Easy. Fast. Delicious.
Why It’s Not: Expensive. Lazy. Unhealthy.
7) Dirty Pop
Why It’s Hot: Dance parties with Justin, Rhianna, or Fergie are a proven mood booster. Have you ever gotten down to Fergie’s GLAMOROUS? Wow.
Why It’s Not: Waylon should not be listening to Justin, Rhianna, or Fergie.
8) Boxed Macaroni and Cheese + Hot dogs
Why It’s Hot: Um, have you ever had it?
Why It’s Not: {Insert picture of my post-birth hips}
9) Reality Shows
Why It’s Hot: The crazytown that shows like Sister Wives, Animal Hoarders, and Bachelor Pad bring to the table make me feel like the most normal-sauce, well-adjusted, intelligent person ever born.
Why It’s Not: Reality shows will make your brain rot out of your head.
10) Dead Skin
Why It’s Hot: Peeling off a 5 inch piece of post sunburn skin is oh-so satisfying.
Why It’s Not: No one wants to accidentally step on your discarded flesh.
What are your guilty pleasures? Chocolate, chick flicks, and long showers don’t count. Everyone indulges in those things. What I’m talking about are the guilty pleasures you hide when company comes over or fail to mention when telling to your co-workers about your weekend.
I know you want to tell me.
***
Peeling sunburned skin, yes! Glee, yes!
More: cursing, and severely mutilating the Spanish language, yes!
Funny list! I agree with most…. I’d also add Twitter (what a useless internet waster) and cheesecurls
Ace of Bace! They still got it in my book.
Fruit snacks – I LOVE fruit snacks, and I’m 31 yrs old. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be done eating them when you’re 12… or at least no longer get excited over them. I buy them in bulk quantities, and I’m sure people think they’re for my kids. Nope!
Greek – I started watching a semi-trashy tv show, “Greek,” while working out b/c I couldn’t find anything else on hulu that interested me. Even though it IS the silliest college-based show I’ve ever watched, I continue watching episodes especially during cooking/baking sessions when I’m alone in the kitchen… not even my husband knows about this one. Maybe I’ll try “Glee” next.
Love your posts Kate!!
Nat–fruit snacks rock.
I’m so embarrassed to say I listen to Top 20 radio stations when I’m alone in the car. I make sure to change it back before I get out, in case my husband drives next. How stupid! I don’t know why I carry this secret around, I’m afraid he’ll judge me or one of my friends will.
Yeah, I’m part of “that” crowd.
I hear you Rachel. That’s what I love about guilty pleasures — they make us all more human. They allow us to say “I don’t always listen to NPR.”
Hot Tamales candy…..I can finish off a movie boxed size quantity in about ten minutes. All sugar..no fat. So, what’s so wrong with that?
Dad, that’s gross.
hilarious that your dad is commenting.
Warning folks: Family on the blog…
Is this your dad? So funny. Tamales are gross, but my son loves them!
I love hot tamales!
This is a juicy subject!
I agree with the People mag, though I’ve never bought my own…just read other people’s while I cleaned their houses.
Peeling skin: also good.
Food delivery = awesome (especially Sunday nights).
Okay, for mine:
-I rarely clean my house as I’d rather cook or sew…I’ve just gotten good at speed-cleaning if I know someone is coming over (and if they just show up unannounced? Well, then “excuse the dirt but we live here!”).
-Um, I use the clothes dryer far more often than I care to admit.
-I love CMT.
-I check my e-mail 20 times a day.
I agree, Zoe! I check my email at least 20 times a day.
Good list, Z.
CMT–gah! I love/hate it too.
Reality shows are crazy. Why do we watch them? A human need to see others be more crazy I guess.
I also drink WAY too much diet coke. Bad idea.
sometimes i hide behind the pantry door (as to not be seen through the front windows) and eat chips. by the handfuls.
Oh Christie. I’ve been there..(like, a few hours ago)
I’m one of those self-deprecating people who tells the world I love Justin Bieber. But mac n cheese and hot dogs? Just cannot do it. or the skin. But the rest of it? Totally agree with. I love dirty hip hop. It gets me MOVING when I’m running. That’s my excuse anyway.
-Rookie Blue…..it is a cop show on ABC in the summer time- I bought a month’s subscription to Hulu plus just so I could watch all the previous season 1 and season 2 episodes ( and then I forgot to cancel the subscription for another month shhh don’t tell my husband). It is a dangerous romance and the most rewarding experience was watching two of the main characters finally get together ( I am not proud of this).
-If someone comes to the door unexpected- I don’t answer because it is probably 2pm and I am still in my pjs and my teeth may or may not be brushed. You better believe I am dressed and washed up by the time my husband comes home.
LS-
1) Hilarious.
2) I still have 45 minutes to get dressed…
My husband does all of the cleaning… and makes the bed.. and does the laundry.
And yes to reality shows: sister wives, extreme couponing, jersey shore, millionaire matchmaker, the list could go on.
My guilty pleasure is not brushing my teeth before bed. When I do this, I feel like I am shaking my fist at the world. I am not going to give my name because it is embarrassing. I’m sure Jared finds it disgusting, but he tolerates it. Dammit, I just gave it away.
Well hello! What an excellent confession.
It’s kind of thrilling isn’t it? Can’t say I haven’t done it a few times myself.
the older I get, the more comfortable I feel with “guilty” pleasures. So I don’t have anything to confess really. I never hide my People magazine, in fact I take it to work to give to my physician assistant so she doesn’t have to buy one. I think I deserve it all. I have been through tough times and I have survived. And so screw all the people who might be critical of me and my habits.
SISTER WIVES! I laughed when I saw that you used their pic. Do you watch that show? I would love to have a conversation with you about it.
Also, popping ripe black heads.
I will add Sister Wives to the list of things to discuss…
I’m reading your blog while watching Biggest Loser and about to go get a big bowl of chocolate ice cream. Yum – eating really great food while watching BL = the best. I also look forward to Thursdays all week to watch Project Runway. Yes please.
And hiding to eat chips by the handful, been there done that many, many times.
haha – this is a guilty pleasure, reading this!
but
I confess I love to pull out splinters and pop black heads.
and
I read celebritybabyscoop.com. You will not find it on my blog sidebar, oh no sirreee bob.
This a most excellent post. Thanks for making me laugh today.
i really like getting big crusty boogers out of my nose….with my finger.
oh wait, that’s marc’s.
oops.
sometimes i check that OMG section of Yahoo.
OMG!
i have a question – what is a sponsor in blog land?
It’s a fancy word for “advertisement.” Though most of my sponsors are getting a free ride for the time being. Lucky them?
PS: You make me laugh.
great list. seriously cannot wait to meet you in person.
Same.
Ah, I LOVE GUILTY PLEASURES and I am one to never hide them. Reason they may not be shared? I have way way WAY too many. Tops include Lifetime Channel movies, Cosmo and US Weekly, Seventh Heaven (seriously!), Miley Cyrus, mindlessly walking through the mall for hours, and Gossip Girl! But are things really guilty pleasure when you take a step back and realize, “hey, this is the majority of my life?” hehe.
Oh my gosh–7th heaven? You kill me. I always had a crush on Matt and hated Ruthie. Why is she so annoying?!
Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant, Cosmo, FutureSex/LoveSounds album, rap, seeing how many stacks of Pringles I can shove into my mouth.
Um, you are awesome.
Thanks for putting my button up over there ;)
My nightly Virginia Slims? Or what?
Look guys, for the sake of your kids, put off the old man (Col. 3:9). You are their stars and moon.
They copy, painstakingly.
like
Where have you been all my life?
This is great.
Who is this stuffy Shirley person?
For the sake of being open and honest, though I am a girly girl through and through, when I’m home by myself I have some guilty pleasures like cleaning out my nose with a q-tip and putting my hair up in a crazy ugly ballet bun (trust me, this is not some “top knot” action) and I become a schizophrenic talking to myself… Sad, but very true story!
Oh, that is so so sad. Mostly because that is exactly me.
Let’s embrace it, no?
Getting more comfortable with my guilty pleasures… it’s amazing how motherhood makes you less ashamed of almost everything.
With that being said… seriously obsessed with Gossip Girl. I feel like a pre-teen when I watch it and can’t get enough.
Love using tweezers to pull giant baby boogers out of my little guy’s nose when he’s sleeping. There’s something so satisfying about it.
I’ve also made a game out of pumping. I try to see how much milk I can get out and see if I can “beat” my best. So ridiculous.
Love the blog!