I have always been interested in birth order; what it means, how it affects personality, development, career. Baby Daddy and I are both first borns and I often wonder if it contributes to some of our headbutting and also our understanding of each other.
There is plenty of research claiming first borns have an upper hand on their siblings; higher IQs, better test scores, better education, and ultimately higher salaries. 21 of the first 23 astronauts into space were firstborns. Nobel Prize winners and National Merit scholars are are also disproportionately made up of firstborns (Sorry Kell, you lose).
Of course this isn’t always (or even mostly) true, right?
According to Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book – Why You Are the Way You Are, it is. His framework is outlined below:
First Child: perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, a list maker, well organized, hard driving, a natural leader, critical, serious, scholarly, logical, doesn’t like surprises, a techie.
Middle Child: mediator, compromising, diplomatic, avoids conflict, independent, loyal to peers, has many friends, a maverick, secretive, used to not having attention.
Youngest Child: manipulative, charming, blames others, attention seeker, tenacious, people person, natural salesperson, precocious, engaging, affectionate, loves surprises.
Only Child: little adult by age seven, very thorough, deliberate, high achiever, self-motivated, fearful, cautious, voracious reader, black-and-white thinker, talks in extremes, can’t bear to fail, has very high expectations for self, more comfortable with people who are older or younger.
It’s no small thing that family scrapbooks are usually stuffed with pictures and report cards of the firstborn and successively fewer of the later-borns. Waylon could circle the earth twice with all the pictures I’ve taken of him, and he’s only a few months old. Educational opportunities can be unevenly shared as well, particularly in families that can afford the tuition bills of only one child. Catherine Salmon, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Redlands in Redlands, Calif., laments that even today she finds it hard to collect enough subjects for birth-order studies from the student body alone, since the campus population is typically overweighted with eldest sibs. “Families invest a lot in the firstborn,” she says (source).
With all these highs come the invariable lows. Many first borns report feelings of guilt and stress over the pressures of always being #1. We can also be moody, insensitive, intimidating, and bossy. We can be a bit of a ‘know-it-all’ as well, and are often poor at delegating, largely because we don’t trust other people as much as we trust ourselves.
These are not flattering observations, which begs the question: with two first borns raising a first born, is there any chance this kid will be normal?
Part of me believes it’s easy to read these kind of stats the same way we read horoscopes or fortune cookies. It’s easy to make something out of anything. And yet I do see these trends in myself and others.
What are your thoughts? Do any of the first, middle, or last born stereotypes apply to your siblings or kids?
I was too distracted by how great you guys look in the picture to read this post adequately. I’ll try again.
I can totally identify with the middle child characteristics listed here and I see my oldest sister’s personality traits in you (or from what I’ve read on your blog!). Crazy.
I’ve got two kids and the second one is much more relaxed–but perhaps it’s my parenting style that has changed?
I am an oldest child and am happy to report that I am all of those terrible qualities. Ah!
most of my clients’ are first borns – so they often seek out therapy too – which is a good thing! remember, all behavior makes sense in context – don’t get too caught up in the stats or you’ll end up feeling pretty hopeless. believe me, after reading all my texts i was sure i had every disorder in the DSM!
My brother and I are a classic example. I think that my oldest child tendencies have pushed me to achieve a lot, but I think he’s better at having a good time.
jenrichruth, you are a hell of a good time. :)
And, at the risk of sounding conceited, I feel a little indignant because I don’t think I have ANY of the youngest child characteristics. Except affectionate. I most certainly hate surprises.
Maybe you’re a first born at heart? Jen and I welcome you with our conceited open arms.
Certainly seems to fit the no. 1 child in most areas, not so much no. 2 and a good bit of no. 3. I don’t put to much stock in any of it. Always love readin g what you think. xoxo
I am the oldest child and definitely not an astronaut.
I am pretty awesome though.
(Typical first born thing to say, no?)
humph,
I fit into all four of the categories. Perhaps the only child the most, and youngest the least? (I am number 5)
hahaha…
I’m so happy to hear someone else has read this book! I was an only child til I was 5 and I definitely have a blend of the only child and first born traits
I love all that psych mumbo jumbo. Interesting you’re a blend of both!
I have two kids, the oldest a girl, Ashley, and the second a boy, Benjamin. Both embody the characteristics of the oldest child, but the youngest also has many characteristics of the middle child!
I relate to the middle child characteristics! But I’m the first girl in my family…so there are a couple of things under 1st born that apply as well.
Waylon looks completely mesmorized by the camera in those pics- love it!
Doesn’t fit ‘cept maybe the bossy part.
Grandma Miller
I’m the middle child but have many characteristics of the first born as well; and I did have better test scores and have higher education.. I”d like to think my IQ is also higher ;) So don’t worry too much! It seems that since you are aware of these differences within ages, you and Baby Daddy might be able to nurture your kids differently than parents who aren’t interested in the stuff.
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