Dear Readers,
I need some help. The further into parenting I get, the more clueless I become.
This is an open relationship, right? I figure, you can ask me anything so I can do the same?
I knew I could count on you.
1) Please explain to me how you put babies on a schedule. Do I not feed him when he’s hungry? When he falls asleep at 6pm, do I wake him back up? This seems cruel to both of us.
2) Any tips or tricks on breastfeeding lying down? It only works about 25% of the time, probably when he is too ravenous to care. The rest of the time he just gives me a look that says, “are you that lazy?”
3) What is the secret to make a baby love the car-seat? Because this is getting kind of ridiculous.
4) A few weeks ago, Baby W decided to give up the bottle. Is there any way to get him to take a bottle again? Despite his irreversible cuteness, the prospect of not being able to leave his side for the next year makes me sad.
5) Do all those wraps and baby carries hurt your back too? Maybe I’m just not wearing them right.
6) Is he teething? I don’t see any white spots, but he’s as drooly as a Newfoundland.
7) What’s the skinny on taking a few-month-old on a plane? Is it crazy? We have an event coming up that’s a few thousand miles away but I feel like babies and planes are as compatible as Elton John and Sarah Palin.
8) The rest of my body is returning to normal, but my stomach still looks weird. What can I do? Crossing my fingers that eating Oreos on the couch is the answer.
9) Will I ever smell good again?
10) And finally, my brother-in-law Kenton and I have been having this argument for a while now and he’s asked me to address the public to settle our debate: Do you blow your nose in the shower? Be honest. I know you do.
***
5) I gave up on them pretty early. I could barely stand by the end of our walks.
9) No
7) It can be brutal, but do-able. Just be ready to accept that not everyone on the plane will love your baby.
I’m afraid I can’t answer any of your questions but the last one. Yes, occasionally I do.
everyone blows their nose in the shower—especially if you have allergies
1. tough one, but I have found that if I have more order in my life, a baby will more likely segue into a pattern. In other words, when I became less selfish and less lazy, baby relaxed and accepted the absolutes more graciously. Start now! it gets vastly harder the older they get! (and as a side note, this sometime involves giving up a social life that one would like) Just being honest…
2. some I could, some I couldn’t. Come to think of it, the first child ‘couldn’t', after that it got easier.
3. not that I know of, just endure.
4. no, and just cheer up, it is not that bad (see # 7)
5. yup! no easy way in my opinion
6. probably, but some kids just drool, until they are a teenager!
7. no idea, but realize that anticipation is probably worse than the actual pain of the event, no matter how ‘bad’ it is
8. nothing, crunches maybe?
9. yes, if you shower and wash your clothes regularly!
10. No! hahaha… (never heard of that!)
obviously you know i have no answers — to anything. do you ever wonder how in the world we were allowed to become parents!?
except number 10 — i’ve never heard of such a thing. pee in the shower- sometimes. blow my nose- no. (yes, i realize the first sounds grosser than the second.)
For what they’re worth…here are my experiences with a few of your questions!
3. Alivia recently went through a stage where she hated her carseat. By dumb luck I put in a CD of those “annoying commercialized kids songs” sung by Sesame Street characters (who she doesn’t know) and she literally stopped as soon as she heard their silly voices. My poor husband has admitted he’d rather listen to them sing than her scream. She’s getting out of that phase, but the gifted CD stays in the console of the car at all times.
5. I have an Ergo carrier…it’s the only one that didn’t kill my back. I even have an on/off bulging disk & I can still wear her (almost 15mo.) without any pain. I wore her for the majority of a day at an auction when she was 9mo. She napped in there & I did not have a sore back or shoulder at all. If you’d wanna try it on sometime if you’re down at Z’s house, let me know. I still use it occasionally, but could part with it for a day! :)
6. I had a super drooler for 2-3 months before I saw teeth. It seems like all the symptoms of teething are before you can even tell there are teeth coming in. Then when they pop through, everything is better.
I enjoy reading others advice on the questions that I don’t have answers to, but wish I did. Oh, and I don’t blow my nose in the shower…sometimes when I get out after the steam “does it’s thing.” :)
1. Thank you for asking this question, I wills stay tuned to see if any others have good answers- I too am wondering this. I did start putting Gracie to bed a lot earlier, this has helped to make her naps during the day a little more spread out, and her awake times longer. I try to stay on the eat, play, sleep pattern- but this doesn’t always work.
2. I started by basically being in a very uncomfortable position till she got the rhythm then I tried to move to the side so I was more comfortable.
3. Gracie hates the care seat too- we are going on a 5 hour trip tomorrow- great.
4. sorry- got nothing
5. Yes- the moby lasts the longest- I think I need to learn new ways to wrap it
7. drug him? haha- night flight?
8. Mine does too- the c-section was done so quickly my scar is very lopsided, and my belly falls over the incision spot- gross.
9. people have actually told me I smell…so I have no idea- could it be the breast milk?
10. no
1. Never was good at a schedule. My feelings are: once you think you have a schedule, baby goes through a growth spurt or the opposite and that messes everything up again. If baby needs calories, I’m not about to make him lay there and scream and if they aren’t hungry, they aren’t going to suck! (And Shelah was right…babies/children DO require you to give up a lot of your old social loves. I think more people would be happier parents if they took that to heart. You can’t do everything at once and right now (and for the next 20 years, probably) kids are the most important!)
2. No tips here. It just worked for me. Actually, here’s something to try. Maybe try it on the floor. I know it’s not comfortable for you but maybe he doesn’t like how the soft bed squishes around his face while he’s sucking? If he gets used to the floor, maybe he’ll accept the bed.
3. Some babies love them, others hate ‘em. No changing that.
4. I couldn’t get my kids to take the bottle after that 3 month mark. Unless you aren’t around. They usually did okay for a babysitter with a bottle but they were still kind of hungry when I came home. Besides, before long you’ll start feeding him some solids and he can just eat those when he’s with a sitter.
5. Always.
6. At least he’s not a drooly 91-year-old. Baby drool is cute. Being drooled on while pulling up a grandparent’s undies is not.
7. Never tried it. Don’t plan on ever doing it. But lots of people do! If people stare or frown, ignore them. They have it easy traveling alone and probably never dealt with a baby that wants his ears popped.
8.Running/walking? And time. Give it more time. (Crunches never did anything to tone up my saggy skin.)
9. Smell good? I never feel like I smell good. Probably has more to do with the farm/my lack of cleaning than the kids.
10. Absolutely not. But Brad does. I’m with Suz on the peeing. Especially after having a baby. After Tage, I had issues getting the pee to come for a few weeks but in the shower, no problem.
Sorry I wrote a book.
Okay, I have a few insights based on friends’ babies!
5) They hurt my friend’s back too so she makes me carry her kid around when we go out. The secret? Lower back exercises to strengthen your back! If you need some, let me know! You can also google them. I like the superman (or woman to be gender inclusive) .
7) It’s fine. They will cry because of the pressure in their ears though. In which case you bring ear plugs and ignore everyone else. I’m pretty sure you don’t need to buy an extra seat; but I think you just hold them the entire time.
8) Time, yes. Faster results? The dreaded E word: exercise. Home videos are a great option: cheaper and don’t need a babysitter.
9) I don’t think I can answer that one for you…. I don’t have kids and this is still an issue for me. I do like peppermint oil on my neck and wrists though.
10) Heck yes I do! The shower is the place to multitask: women are busy people! I’ve drank my morning tea, brushed my teeth, peed…hmm.. maybe thats why I still have bike grease on my calf…?
Kate– don’t give up your social life. The baby will adjust to you. I know because I have had many friends with babies. You are not doing anything wrong even though there are some who would like to believe that. All babies are different and your next one will keep to a schedule even though you do nothing differently.
No need to give it up completely but I don’t think it’s fair to children to drag them everywhere.
And I never have blown my nose in the shower. There’s nothing in there to blow it on.
exactly!
You just blow it into the water.
If you had bad allergies, you would know allll about it.
1. I’m a big unscheduled mom…I don’t like being tied down with nap times and feeding schedules. Let them sleep or eat whenever they want. That being said, if I do want them to be full or sleep for a certain event (church, bedtime, etc) I try to keep them awake for an hour at least beforehand or stuff them as much as possible before leaving. That can get a lil has sly, but is well worth it. 2. You just have to find the right position….a certain amount of arm cradling, chest angling and leg folding.
5. Comes with the territory…baby Bjorne hurts mine the least.
8. Sorry, but I can confirm that Oreos on the couch does NOT work:(Billy blanks, p90x and lots of random crunches…unfortunately
9. Wait until after he’s potty trained
10. Totally
Hope this helps…
1. When I was putting Jack on a schedule I found that it started at night. If he woke up around 2-4 am then I would give him water with a bit of symple syrup to drink. He did not like this at all. I was prepared to deal with his crying (I am goal oriented). It lasted about a week . After that he knew not to wake me up until 6 or 7am. The day worked itself out because of this.
3. I would try putting him in it more often for naps so he gets used to it. I used to put Jack in it all the time when I was downstairs. I like the music suggestion too the Rockabye Baby collections and Dan Zanes are the best.
4. I am starting to feel like a bad mother because all of my answers start off by saying “let him cry” but I did give him choices, although he just didn’t want them. For the bottle- Rob would give Jack the bottle at least once a day since he was a newborn but if you have Austin do it at night I think he will gradually come around just be prepared.
5. All of them hurt my back and Jack hated being in them so I rarely used my Bjorn or Ergo.
6. Babies are just drooly but if he starts running hot or has a diaper blowout I would be suspicious.
7. Just get on the plane. You will never know for sure what to expect.
8. My stomach is a mess, I have a kangaro pouch from my c-section. Try getting a girdle one size smaller, it sounds like a pain but it helps tighten!
9.Try getting an oil that you put on after your shower ( I like the Burt’s Bees oil). It will help you feel better. First YOU then baby!
hey kate, i have 2 words of insight that i believe our new to this comment train… unlike a lot of the mommas up there, i AM a schedule-mom. and we have had wonderful success with it! i think the biggest thing is if it’s right for you & waylon’s personalities. studies have shown that kiddos thrive on routine and it is physically possible to get their bodies into a rhythm if you’re consistent. christa mentioned it ties you down.. which is true. i have a small window of my day that i can go out and run errands (it’s better now that she’s older) but it was a sacrifice i chose to make because of how well baby girl did when i stuck to it. i read and lived “on becoming babywise” by ezzo & bucknam. every mom/baby duo is different (and i happen to be a structured-type o’ person) but it was wonderful for us! i was so glad to finally have a start time to my day and be able to schedule appointments and so forth around her feeding & nap times.
on b-feeding lying down, i actually did more of that from the very beginning than holding her in a cradle position.. to the point where she wasn’t very good when i sat up! my opinion is that your baby gets used to what you do most. so hopefully practicing it will make it easier for the both of you. i laid on my side with my arm bent under my head, no pillow and she would snuggle right in there.
best of luck to you! you’re not the only one who’s still trying to figure things out…. :)
Dr. P., it sounds like the person just blows it into the air–er, rain. Very strange.
All I can say is that I’m glad I’m not the only one who pees in the shower on occasion. This just made my day. Thanks Kate!
1)I never worried too much about a feeding schedule, but we did a napping schedule and that eventually lend to a more consistent feeding schedule. Sleeping schedule saved my sanity.
2) I know they tell you not to but I always propped her up on my arm so that her head was higher then just laying on the bed, she liked that better and it didn’t seem to affect her latch.
3)There is so secret, some kids just hate it. At least that is what I have decided 2.5 years of screaming later.
4) I could never get Eleanor to take a bottle, but pretty much anyone else could. I just went to the store and bought a bunch of different styles of bottle and had Harry try each one while I was out of the house (not far away, lol)
5) Take a look at an Ergo, they are designed to put baby’s weight mostly on your waist/hips, much for comfortable.
6) He’s probably teething, its a LONG process.
7)I have never flown with Eleanor, but I have heard that nursing them while taking off and landing helps with irritability.
8)If you find the answer let me know, lol!
9) Maybe someday, its overrated anyways.
10)To be honest i have blown my nose in the shower.
Do you blow your nose into the air whilst in the shower?
Brad likes to hold one nostril shut with a finger and blow really hard out the other one (pointing down).
I completely believe that as a Mom, the best advice for you is to do whatever works for you!!! That being said, here’s what has worked for Bennett and I so far- maybe it will help?
1. There was no ‘schedule’ except feeding every 2-3 hrs and sleeping whenever he wanted for Bennett until he was about 6-7 mo old. The first scheduling type thing that we did was cutting out his middle of the night feedings. Then I started to feed him at the same time every morning and throughout the day. Naps eventually fell into place, but they still fluctuate at times. While I do have to work around the nap schedule, it is totally worth it because he’s much more pleasant when he’s in his routine! Waylon is still so little, so don’t worry if there’s no set schedule just yet.
3. Bennett goes in phases of dealing with or hating his car seat.
5. Loved the moby wrap. Didn’t try the Ergo, but have always heard good things.
8. The old belly is still missing a yr later… :(
9. When the spitting up stops, it seems to get a little easier to smell better. most of the time.
10. Yes, I do!
I came home today to such wonderful responses! My heart is warmed. Thank you all so much for all your insight and wisdom. Keep it coming! I need all the help I can get.
Also–next time you have the sniffles and you’re in the shower, try blowing. It feels gooood.
Good questions, Kate! I wish I knew the answers to some of them too.
1. Not a big schedule person, but I feel like we naturally fell into one around 4 months because we were usually doing the same things around the same times every day and then it just stuck.
2. Try laying sideways? It took me months to figure this out!
3. Ugh- the dreaded carseat! I was reading everyone elses answers to #3 and it seems like the carseat is not a popular place to be! We turned a corner once Sam could eat goldfish crackers
6. Maybe?? I feel like teething is such a long process. Love “he’s as drooly as a Newfoundland” ha!
7. You can do it! And even if he cries, how could people get upset with Waylon? He’s too cute.
I often blow my nose in the shower. It’s refreshing.
1. i tried to get the kids on a sleeping schedule, which meant stimulation until 10 am followed by sleep, then stimulation til 2ish, then sleep. 2 naps a day for the most part. then at about 1.5-years or so, only one long nap in the afternoon. i think having a routine is key in getting it to work. but all kiddos are different. you and W will find what works for you.
2. um. have you seen the size of my boobs? You know how big beautiful cantaloupie boobs flip and flop every which way? Mine are the size of prunes. How the hell do people with prune size boobies nurse lying down?!
3. a mirror. make sure the straps and buckles aren’t digging in anywhere or are too tight/pressing up against him weird. lots of burps before getting in. and, um, benadryl?? :)
4. It’ll happen. the bottle is a must for moms that need a little space every now and again. Try different nipples. If there’s a certain pacifier that he loves, try to find a similar shaped bottle nipple. And have Austin do it, not you. stay far, FAR away. not even in the same room. in fact, LEAVE. Leave the house. No, not the front steps. Take a walk! Go for a jog (to the nearest bar for a glass of wine). Your baby will not die.
5. I never had one I liked. Never. And I tried a bunch.
6. Some babies teeth pretty early. Given that W is doing a lot of things early maybe this is another to add to the list. Next week, he’ll be driving.
7. Try to get him to nurse on take-off if you can. the swallowing will help with the whole ear thing. definitely take a pacifier if that doesn’t work. take more changes of clothing for W than you think you need bc you’ll probably go through them all. Take an extra top for you. My opinion is that it is much easier to take a baby than it is to take a 1.5-year old. I’ve flown with Marc probably 4 times now, and Luc once. You’ll do great! W will be wonderful!!
8. Sadly, I always felt it took about 1 year to feel back to normal. it takes a long time, and all that nursing you are doing will really help.
9. Of course.
10. No, that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard. i mean, what if it sticks to the wall for the next person. Nasty.
i wear parker all the livelong day–or most of it. and even with good hip support (i have the beco), my back still gets sore.
i totally blow my nose in the shower.
breastfeeding laying down… is he getting frustrated because your boob isn’t getting right in his mouth immediately? sometimes parker gets frustrated if i’m not paying as close attention and directing the boob right to him. and it’s not super comfortable cause sometimes my back is angled a bit funny but we definitely do it… every night… twice a night… and we both fall back asleep while doing it.
my stomach still looks kind of weird too. i have that line down the center of it that i am told… will go away!
i do believe we will smell good again one day :)
hang in there!
I can only give an answer to the last question: yes, I occasionally do. One of my college roommates came back to our room from the shower one morning and was completely grossed out that another girl had done this (which, admittedly, I personally would not have wanted to do in a “public” shower setting). My roommate was all, “Would you EVER DO THAT?!” And I was all “HECK NO! Gross!”
So, in summation, I lied. I’m glad it’s out in the open now, though – thanks Kate!
1-9: I have no idea, but I’m glad you’re getting all these answers to pass along to me when I need them.
10: I do it every morning and think those of you who don’t should try it.
HEY!!! I have some of the same issues…… well questions……
1) We have no schedule. My whole day revolves around making her content. Hopefully this will change.
2) My trick… when you are both on your side angle him to that his feet are towards you and head away from you then when he latches he can breath better. She kept getting smothered in my boob.
3) ?? She’s had no probs
4) Don’t give up. Chloe tried to give it up. I would put her on the boob, have the bottle right next to her mouth, then in between gulps real quick pull her off and stick the bottle in. Tricky huh!!??
5) Yes, I make Mike wear it.
6) So I thought Chloe was teething too. I even asked the doc at 2 mos. He looked at me like I was nuts and said “It would be highly unusual if she was”. She can’t make it through the day without soaking a few bibs and a few onesies.
7) No idea??
8) I just think nature has to take it’s course. It took 9-10 months to expand and stretch… it will prob. take just as long to go back. I still have the line. My hips still aren’t back. I am using a hair tie looped through the button on my jeans to keep them on.
9) I hope so!! I have spit up on me all the time…
10) I do blow my nose and sometimes brush my teeth (though not at the same time).
Yes! My pants are always falling down. At first I was excited… then I realize my body just looks weird and can’t wear normal pants.
You guys rock–especially for admitting to blowing your nose in the shower. I know it’s gross, but you do what you gotta do.
xo
1. I really truly forget. I recall that it was very hard. I recall that I wasn’t stressed with kid 2.
2. never never worked for me – I was so annoyed.
3. my son screamed in his car seat until he turned 9 months old. i started avoided driving any where.
4. I started my daughter on a bottle at 3 weeks – supposedly this is a magic number – and we were able to nurse/bottle ok (but she was a terrible nurser and I quit at 6 months). My son never never took a bottle – we tried so hard for the same reason you said. I had to leave the house when my husband was trying because I couldn’t bear to hear it. I did nurse him for a year – he was so easy, and now it seems like it was so short. They nurse less when they get older!
5. no, my back got stronger. I loved loved loved my hotsling.
6. oh teething – it’s just so easy to blame everything on teething.
7. never did it – took toddlers and worked fine.
8. stomach still looks weird, but i do pilates and yoga hopefully anyway.
9. yes! but you may never be clean again – my kids now get dirty when they play and then they climb on me and get ME dirty. sighhhh
10. oh yes, but SILENTLY, unlike some people i know.
(why is it so much fun to answer these questions?!)