I need some help. The further into parenting I get, the more clueless I become.
This is an open relationship, right? I figure, you can ask me anything so I can do the same?
I knew I could count on you.
1) Please explain to me how you put babies on a schedule. Do I not feed him when he’s hungry? When he falls asleep at 6pm, do I wake him back up? This seems cruel to both of us.
2) Any tips or tricks on breastfeeding lying down? It only works about 25% of the time, probably when he is too ravenous to care. The rest of the time he just gives me a look that says, “are you that lazy?”
3) What is the secret to make a baby love the car-seat? Because this is getting kind of ridiculous.
4) A few weeks ago, Baby W decided to give up the bottle. Is there any way to get him to take a bottle again? Despite his irreversible cuteness, the prospect of not being able to leave his side for the next year makes me sad.
5) Do all those wraps and baby carries hurt your back too? Maybe I’m just not wearing them right.
6) Is he teething? I don’t see any white spots, but he’s as drooly as a Newfoundland.
7) What’s the skinny on taking a few-month-old on a plane? Is it crazy? We have an event coming up that’s a few thousand miles away but I feel like babies and planes are as compatible as Elton John and Sarah Palin.
8) The rest of my body is returning to normal, but my stomach still looks weird. What can I do? Crossing my fingers that eating Oreos on the couch is the answer.
9) Will I ever smell good again?
10) And finally, my brother-in-law Kenton and I have been having this argument for a while now and he’s asked me to address the public to settle our debate: Do you blow your nose in the shower? Be honest. I know you do.