The first year of married life was cupcakes and dandelions compared to the first few weeks. When we got back from the honeymoon, it was all we could do not to panic. We both secretly wondered: IS THIS IT? IS MY LIFE OVER? ARE WE OLD AND BORING NOW? DO I REALLY HAVE TO LOOK AT YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?!
There was also the inevitable crapstorm that comes with combining two lives into one space. At one point (after being ordered to get rid of some clothes) I dramatically threw all my winter coats on the floor and stormed out shouting, “FINE, throw them out. I’ll just freeze.”
Not our best moment.
Fortunately the pressure of being newlyweds was only temporary and soon we fell into a very healthy and happy rhythm. We moved, we moved again, we got new jobs, we took some trips. You know, life went on.
And then we got pregnant.
It was October of last year and the doctor had recently told me that Austin and I had a less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally. But, after weeks of feeling tired, sick, and confused, I decided to pee on a stick anyways, even though pregnancy seemed as likely as fat-free Doritos.
In the long tradition of doing and saying things at inappropriate times, I took the test at work and almost fell off the toilet when the double lines showed up. I went home shortly after due to panic and hyperventilation.
Austin was there and noticed I was acting nutty soon after I walked in the door. I went into the bathroom to collect my thoughts and decided to write “Hi Daddy” on my stomach in eyeliner as a little ice breaker for my big news.
After a fairly awkward speech about our “great three years together,” I lifted up my shirt and watched as Austin slowly processed the information and tried to form a response. I have never seen a person truly speechless until that moment. One might have thought I told him he had a third testicle.
Eventually shock turned to joy and soon we were smiling and giggling and congratulating each others reproductive systems. Nine months later and I popped out a baby so perfectly proportionate and healthy you’d think we’d bribed God.
I have mentioned plenty of times the goodness of Austin and how wonderful he’s been through pregnancy, birth, and these first few months of motherhood. What I haven’t mentioned is how much it’s confirmed what I suspected all along–this is a good man. Sure, he was always pretty great–but it wasn’t until he became a father that I really, truly knew.
We are, despite ourselves, blessed.