I am not a superstitious person; being raised Mennonite made it easy to avoid astrology signs and 1-800 psychic hotlines and those foul rabbit’s feet people attach to their key chains. God is a much cheaper (and hygienic) genie, and growing up I used him at every crossroad to plead for his divine intervention. Please don’t let my parents die. Please make my hair grow faster. Please don’t let my car break down. Please help me find my phone. In some of my more desperate moments I tried to bargain and work deals with the Almighty, but to no avail. God is sort of stubborn. Yet somehow I have arrived at a point in my life where I’ve stopped asking for big things.
This realization is recent. Last night at 11:11 when Baer said, “Make a wish,” I thought, “I have none.” My job is secure, my family is in good health, I just married a SFH at a perfect wedding, and I own a Dyson. What more could I want? I hesitate to write this not only because I sound incredibly conceited, but for those of you who are superstitious—I am jinxing myself to bad luck.
In third grade our teacher told us we should say “blessed” and not “lucky” because nothing in life happens by chance. I think about this every now and then when I’m forced to concede to the fact that I am fine and having nothing to complain about. I always use “lucky” though because “I am blessed” sounds old-fashioned and churchy. While I’m not superstitious, I did panic last night trying to come up with something wish-worthy. I did not think I was lucky or blessed to not have any requests, instead I worried I had forgotten something I desperately need.
I know this feeling of having everything I want is very temporary. My personality tends to dream big and let’s face it—I just got back from my honeymoon and we all know that euphoria has an expiration date. But before I return to a life of want and worry, I should pause in this brief peace of mind and enjoy the calm. I think this means living in the present, but I refuse to get any more cliché and start “carpe-dieming” everyone into a bad mood. It’s just so odd to be content and I keep wondering if other people also feel this way on a regular basis. I certainly hope not. Ignorance is bliss but it can become so very tasteless. I will try to keep my joy to myself.
In other news, it’s summer and I haven’t written in quite a long time. Actually, I haven’t done a lot of things in a long time. I haven’t read books, drank uncaffeinated beverages, eaten meaty meals, or slept well in months. Those days are over, however, which most likely contributes to this newfound gratification with life. Today I was walking through the city on an errand for work when I came upon a pack of wild kindergarteners on a field trip. They were laughing and shouting and holding hands while their two tired looking teachers tried to usher them into a straight line. When I passed them, they all screamed “HI, HI, HI” and waved at me hysterically. Normally I would smile and roll my eyes at such a display, but today I found them so terribly beautiful and funny that tears came up behind my eyes. Perhaps I need to get a grip. Remind me when I return to my regularly scheduled self of this wonderful time when hamburgers taste like heaven and screaming children make me cry.
PS: I ended up wishing for Rita’s lemon water ice. I couldn’t think of anything else. Life is good. (Knock on wood)